V S M A New Dimension

[Vitan Armerstrannie]

There stood a flat-roof house with an amazing view of the kingdom. That's also where the portal decided to throw me when it materialized. More proof that they're sentient, whatever they are. It convulsed with increasing intensity until it spits me out.

"Nice landing, jackass," I muttered to myself before groggily standing up, dusting my outfit, and scraping some kind of weird black tar off my sandals. Don't ask. It's obvious that I wasn't very well-equipped for a dimension traveler. For God's sake, I don't look like something you would call 'Dimension Traveler' material at all! So, what am I doing jumping around realities? Well, it's not my fault portals keeps sucking me in!

How many dimensions have I visited now? . . . I lost track at this point. Normally I'd get sent back to my humble abode after I find another portal or my purpose has been served, but this time: It's not the case. I keep getting thrown into different dimensions instead. Man, my family must be putting up missing posters of me like crazy since I've been gone for a relatively long time. When I come back to my home dimension, I want them to cry for me and give me all the love because of my return. That would be awesome.

Once I'm done scraping the shitty tar from my sandals, I noticed the view.

Wow, what an image. This place looks like one hell of a kingdom.

I took it all in, until. . .

"Hello? Who are you?" A voice came from behind.

Oh.

I turned around, putting my hoodie down. It was an older man at the roof trapdoor with an alert look plastered on his wrinkly face. I didn't know how to respond. So, this is kinda awkward. I'm not one for a conversation so it's hard for me to think of something to say. He asked again, I answered his question after coming up with an adequate response but asked him for a request in exchange.

"I'm, uh, a dimension traveling ass-kicker trying to find a way home." I blurted out. "Since I'm new here, can I stay for a while?"

"I don't have a reason to let you. Sorry."

It's an old man and he seems pretty docile. So, I decided to give him a death stare with the hood on for maximum intimidation. He struck back with one of his own and I lost the contest, awkwardly moving my ass into the trapdoor as he made space for me.

. . .

I began aimlessly wandering his home trying to find the exit and touching his stuff to satisfy my curiosity. He then "Escorted" me out of the house himself.

 

[Vitan Armerstrannie]

The old man, the same old man that I encountered, was making coffee. His lone lifestyle of doing things without a care in the world makes me envious since I always have to deal with people's shit. Whether it's in my crapsack world of a home dimension or in some other reality where stabby-stabby, bug-eyed, laughing schoolgirls run rampant. Something crazy always happens, meanwhile, this old fart has all the peace and quiet he could ever ask for. I'm just assuming things here since I haven't been in this place for long but from what I've seen, this kingdom ain't so bad. He lives on the outskirts so I bet not much happens here. The main problem though is that nobody seems to visit him or notice him at all, really.

Judging by his shitty personality and standoffish nature from our introduction to each other. I can see why. I mean, it's reasonable that he wanted a potential home invader off his property but I'm not what you call rational, alright? If anyone dares show the slightest hint of hostility towards me: They're the bad guy. It's fine since I don't really do much but have a lot of hate fantasies of whoever wronged me.

Like I always say: Humility is for fuckers.

Oh? And how do I know he's making coffee, that nobody was paying attention to him, and all that jazz? Well--

He opened the cabinet I was hiding in to get some sugar cubes, only to see my cramp body inside of it. We both stared at each other for a while with wide eyes. The silence and eye contact made it seem longer than it really is.

"Hi." I waved my arm.

He sighed, raising his fist.

"Wait, wait!" I exclaimed. "Please! I'll do your chores, errands, anything! I'll even suck your di--"

"Stop!" He interrupted me. ". . . Fine, I'll let you stay here. Just remember that you said anything. I need to tie a few loose ends."

Well, that's cryptic. Judging from what I've been through, this guy probably has a whole lot of enemies and dark troubled past like most people I've met.

"Thanks, I guess." I left my spot.

"Not convinced." He put on a smug smile.

Hey! Who would have thought that he has some humor left in him?

"Yes, thank you. Oh, gracious grandmaster!" I did a bow. "I am now your humble servant! That better?"

He chuckled, waving me away before continuing to make his coffee after grabbing the bag of sugar from the cabinet.

"We'll talk after I've made my coffee."

 

[Vitan Armerstrannie]

I laid my body on the one-seated sofa when he called me here, horizontal style. The Old Man had a pistol on the lamp table and that made my paranoia grow like wildfire. Please don't tell me he's going to kill me with it, I even had a snapping finger ready just in case. Unbridled fear aside, I wonder what task he will bring me. I'm expecting something crazy despite his silent nature, but you know what they say: "Beware the quiet ones" or something. I don't know, I'm not one for quotes unless it's me that said it.

"Lay it on me. Who knows? Maybe you're the reason I'm sent here."

"Alright, dimension traveler."

"Vitan."

"Yes. Vitan. I need you to kill my imaginary friend."

He paused for a while, awaiting a confused look or for me to think he's delusional but my face remained unchanged. I gave him the message that I've seen far weirder concepts at play even though that wasn't my intention. I'm not one for subtlety at all.

The old man decided to continue.

"I've had her in a troubled time in my childhood. And she's extremely. . . Not well in the head since I made her as a way to obsessively fantasize about revenge."

A laugh escaped my lips, irritating him.

"It's not funny."

"I know, just reminded me a bit of myself," I admitted. "Let me finish it for you: He escaped your mind and has been terrorizing you for abandoning her. Now you want her dead so you can move on with what remains of your life."

He looked at me. Shocked.

"I've done this dimension shit for way too long."

"Yes, I can tell." He chuckled and so did I.

The Old Man, too lazy to ask his name, then grabbed a gun from the table. My face lit up and I was about to run until he handed me it. A sigh of relief came out of me and I grabbed it, checking it out. Not that different from our pistols and I would know, I've been in way too many gunfights. Never shot that many guns but I was involved. An idea popped in my mind!

"Wanna see how many times I can shoot this before the neighbors call the cops?"

"Please don't."

"Alright."

He sighed, already regretting giving me the task but what choice did he have? He had no evident proof of his imaginary friend actually going around terrorizing him in real life. And I'm the only one who would believe him since dimension travelers like me have seen way too many things for disbelief.

"When you see something cartoonishly out of place. She's there." He said. "What do you want after you finish this?"

"Just money and a place to stay." Of course, if I find another portal. I will take the gun with me and fuck right off.

"Then get out of here. And good luck."

 

[Vitan Armerstrannie]

Hopefully, this imaginary friend was the reason I was sent here so I can finish the task and get the hell out of dodge. And if not? I'm gonna keep solving shit until a portal opens or I find one sitting in the middle of bumfuck nowhere.

I wandered, wandered, and wandered, trying to find a way out of this dimension or the thing I have to kill. Preferably the portal since I know that the battle is going to be hard and long fought since things in my life can't be simple. It will always be something stupidly complicated or just, well, stupid.

I eventually saw a distortedly cartoony looking door to an old abandoned warehouse. I would have paid no mind to it since I know nothing about this dimension and this could just be normal for all I know but I remember the elderly man stating that I should keep an eye out for stuff like this. It did seem weird so I kicked it open for cool points. My sandal had a cel-shading aesthetic for a while before turning normally.

I hastily checked my foot to see if it was affected with anything permanently changing. Thankfully, nothing happened. I advanced to my doom, entering the warehouse. Areas here looked like caricatures of the real deal. Nothing really seemed to be happening. Other than the funhouse mirror look, nothing seemed notable.

Until. . .

This song played.

"YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?!" A voice came from beneath me.

The music blared and I took time to take in what was happening. First of all, the ground I stood on shook intensely. Second, what seemed to be a pile of explosives morphing together to create a head burst through the earth, and third, it spat out a radio playing the music.

And last but not least. The imaginary friend revealed herself. It was a little brown 8-year-old girl. I hope that she was always this when he made her in his childhood or I'm gonna start having questions about the grandpa.

"You're in the jungle, baby!" She exclaimed

I'm so scared and confused.

"Is. . . that AC/DC?"

"No! You !@#$ing idiot!" She yelled with her swear being censored by an obscuring beep. "Golly, my entrance was so cool until you had to get the band wrong!"

She continued to rant on about how nobody appreciates the classics in the modern days. I'm guessing she's just the incarnation of the bad part of the oldie. She is a part of him, after all.

Now, am I really going to kill a troubled child?

Yes, I am!

BANG!

Did-- Yes, she did. She caught the bullet with her mouth and swallows it.

"This is your fault, you know!" The girl quipped, pulling a minigun out of nowhere.

RATATATATA!

"OH FUCK--"

 

[Vitan Armerstrannie]

Let's all be honest here. You know I lived. I should be dead as dirt but the snap of a finger never fails me. It's the only thing I have a sense of trust in. The little girl however thought I was done for. After all, I don't look outstanding or anything as I said but I got tricks up my sleeve. . . By that, I mean snapping my fingers every time I don't know what to do though I wanted to switch it up a bit!

She thought that this was finished but I shot the obvious bombs she was standing on and it exploded! Boosh! Get fucked, kiddo! Looks like her attempts to impress me ended up getting her absolutely hurt! God, if I had a nickel for every time I thought that. She went flying towards the wall! Unfortunately, I was hit by the blast too and I met the same fate as the girl. Since I'm not some kind of cartoon character such as her. It gave me great pain and probably even greater injuries. I have the body of a malnourished lady here. Not some peak condition workout monster.

She didn't seem that hurt at all, she picked herself back up and walked towards me.

Goddamnit. Why do I get way too confident when I hold a gun. What's left of rational thought leaves my mind when I grab one. Case in point, me wanting to shoot wildly until the neighbors called the cops.

"Say an awesome one-liner!" She said. "Wanna go out with a bang, right?" grabbing me by the chin with a crooked smile. God, she's such a fucking cliche.

"Bang indeed, you. . . My head feels way too funny to continue."

I shot her at the stomach, prompting her to spit out some kind of colored liquid. What color? Red.

Of course, I thought this wasn't enough. For me, at least, even though she's writhing on the floor. I always have to make sure so, I stood up, still a bit dizzy but it was fine. I emptied me a round on her and when I had no bullets left, I threw the pistol at her head.

Time to book it the fuck out of there before the authorities--

BZZZZZT!

"AaAaAaaAAa!"

Fucking. Tased.

Thud.

 

[Vitan Armerstrannie]

Well, that was long but let me tell you the summary: I was interrogated and told them that I was girl forced to go through dimensions to solve specific shit and it wasn't the craziest story they heard. The imaginary friend? She revealed her name as "Sassy". What kind of name is that? I'll give the oldie the benefit of the doubt since he did make him when he was very young. Speaking of him. He came for my support and stated that Sassy was his imaginary friend that he's been telling them about. They were left dumbfounded since they thought he was just a raving madman. The authorities apologized and offered money for the imaginary friend. He took it in a heartbeat.

As promised, he allowed me to stay in his house. Bummed out that it wasn't my portal opening task though. Time to toss myself into dangerous missions until I find a way home.

 

[Vitan Armerstrannie]

"SIDE YOUR MOM!"

Self-Hatred

Finally, I get to explore this city. Time to meet new people, learn more about this world, and start solving shit I have no business of doing. I need to go home some way, right? Brute forcing my way back home by finishing missions is the most efficient way to do this. I mean, it worked for me every time so why won't it now? Some tasks are more obvious than others since they're literally thrown into my face by some jagoffs forcing me to do it or I die! I thought that the imaginary friend mission would have opened the portal. Oh well.

After being escorted to the door after I had a mental breakdown over not finding the exit for 2 hours. I've been given money to stop my crying. And because my life will not quit with the bullshit a portal opened up! Yes, yes! Thank God! Screw this shitty dimension! I'm out! I ran towards it on breakneck speeds until it threw an older version of me, hitting me with a wrestling crossbody.

"No, no, no! Not again!!"

It closed and she gasped.

"Dipo? Dipo?! DIPO!! Don't leave me here!!"

I threw her off me, standing up and glaring at her.

"Dipo? The fuck?? You actually named it?? Well, I would have called it dumbass, cunt, or politician--" A portal opened behind me and slapped me on the back of the head. I turned around, rubbing the smacked part. "Hey!"

"You look like me."

"Kiddo, you have an interdimensional portal. You honestly didn't expect this? I did."

"This is the second time this happened."

I lightened up. Thought she would have had a few travels by now with her age and all and hoo boy. . . But since I can't express my emotions properly.

I said this.

"It's only going to get worse."

She seemed troubled.

"This-- This is only just a temporary thing!"

"Oh look at that, a woman that doesn't know any better."

"How dare you!" She recoiled. "I always say 'Treat others how you treat yourself', you. . . thing!"

Oh, she does that quote thing too. I guess she is me.

"This IS how I treat myself."

She looked visibly alarmed at this point and I kept going, even putting on a smile as I checked her out. She snapped her fingers to grab my attention and she succeeded.

"Looking sexy, me. You know, we're both probably virgins since I'm a loser, you seem like a gullible dumbass. So, Whaddaya say?"

She promptly smacked me in the face, causing me to tumble down and fall on my ass.

"Listen here, you depraved bastard. I am not going to be harassed the moment I come here. So, you better treat me with a little respect, young lady."

FUCKING. . . My face sparks! I clutched it, writhing around in pain. She turned around and used her feet to dust dirt my way. Yup, she's me. She's got the same mannerisms of me other than her naivety and inexperienced. And she's supposed to be older than me with her looks and all! Speaking of her naivety! Here it goes now!

"God, you really think walking around like a dumbass without food and shelter is going to do you good? And without my experience, you'll be dead as dirt."

She stopped.

Gotcha. Might as well stretch the truth!

. . .

Wow, I can see why so many people refer to me as scumbag now. I rose back up, a hand on my cheek with a smile.

"This place is filled with dangerous shit. I literally fought the morbid imaginary friend of an old man."

She turned around, rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"Fine. I'll stay with you."​

 

[Vitan Armerstrannie]

"And then the giant politician destroyed half of the country before Abraham Lincoln hacked his heart to pieces," I said as she ate her hamburger, keeping her eyes away from me because of how uncomfortable she felt.

I wasn't surprised since I've been told I can make people uneasy real fast. I wonder how her first alternate dimension escapade went. Maybe it wasn't as crazy as mine since she seemed relatively normal. Hell, she admitted that she doesn't have a shitty life and is married with a family that loves her. I'll look at the bright side, at least I don't watch movies where people kiss in the rain and shit like this bitch.

"So, how about I ask you a question?" I said, making her look at me as she munched down that burger. "Why did you name the portal and what was the first dimension it threw you at."

"Well, uh, it sometimes throws me things that I need. So, I named it Dipo so I can refer to him easily. The dimension? Well--"

"If you're gonna use that many syllables. Nevermind."

She sighed.

"Portal help then suddenly attack. Dimension full of malevolent star people."

"What does that even mean?"

She tried to simplify it for me again, again, and again until she found the right words to tell me her history. She almost cried tears of joy when it happened. And from what I could gather. The portal made her life heaven since it spewed out anything she wanted until it went crazy when she never paid him mind after the girl got everything she needed. A husband, a family, friends, and a well-paying job. It threw her to another dimension after she forgot about him as a vicious punishment.

"That's-- That's just pathetic, honestly. The great interdimensional being forgotten after his partner found a regular man to be with. Fucking CUCKED!"

She stifled a laugh because she thought the portal was watching and since I'm not a pussy ass bitch, I laughed at my own joke before standing back up.

"Let's leave."

She asked me to wait by holding a palm out as she tried to eat what's left of the hamburger. I took it upon myself to get her ass off the bench and grabbed it. She chased me all the way back to the home of the withering coot. Good thing we only had to run in a straight line or we would have gotten lost.

 

[Vitan Armerstrannie]

A little tone shift since I'm finally getting used to this server

Hey, hey, people. It's me, ya girl, Vitan, but you can just call me dipshit as most people do. I like that name better than my actual, honestly. Fits my qUiRkY personality. Anyway, we're back at it again with the stories. My idealistic and perfect version of myself chased me all the way near the house and I broke down from exhaustion when I reached the front. I dropped the hamburger too, sending the other Vitan to spiral into a deep dark depression. Well, something like that at least. She effortlessly grabbed me with one arm and carried me into the house.

"This is your home, right?"

"Kinda. More of a temporary one. It's owned by this old guy that I'm waiting to get a heart attack so I can rightfully inherit--"

"I'm right here."

"Speak of the devil. Hi, oldie."

"Surtlands."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

The old man took notice of the older version of me and sighed, knowing that he has to take care of both of us now. He didn't express his anger vocally but we both knew he was irritated.

"I'm going to sleep. Don't break into my room again just because the night is scary and lonely, okay? You have her now."

The other Vitan looked at me, visibly alarmed. Every time she learns something new about me, it just makes her opinion of my ass even worse. She dropped me on the couch and I gave her a two-fingered salute.

"Hm. This place seems decent." Vitan 2 mused, getting a feel for the place.

"Damn, this place is just decent for you? You must be well off as hell."

"Yes, I am, actually! My grandfather is a father was a comedian, my sister works for Sony Entertainment, my husband is a doctor--"

"Yes, yes! Keep boasting! It totally makes me not want to rip your throat off in jealousy."

She paused.

"Maybe even wear use you as a skin suit and replace you, but I doubt 'DiPo' will--"

"Do you want me to slap you again?!"

I stuck my tongue out on her as a response in a deadpan way.​