Akae Yaharu Character Application

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Akae Yaharu

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User name: Akae Yaharu

Have you read the rules? Yes

Character Name: Akae Yaharu

Character Source: OC

Starting Location: Cevanti

Physical Tendencies:
  • Power: 45%
  • Toughness: 45%
  • Quickness: 5%
  • Skill: 5%
Safety was not much of a concern to Akae when venting out her frustrations through fighting. She does all she can to power through injuries, even if it means she comes out of the fight worse for wear.

Personality Tendencies:
  • Aggression: 60%
  • Cunning: 30%
  • Diplomacy: 0%
  • Support: 10%
Akae was never good with people, and she prefers to be the first to get her hands dirty before anyone else has the chance. Being the underdog of most of her fights has taught Akae that wit is key to gaining the upper–hand.

Physical Description:

Face Model for Akae
hairstyles-raf1g.jpg


Body Description
Akae’s foster parents initially tried to keep her chocolate brown hair in a clean condition. It was combed down to resemble the classic Japanese hairstyle; It was long and straight all the way down, without any signs of unkemptness. The hair had the tendency to unfurl easily, however, and soon enough it became a chore to keep Akae’s hair well–groomed. After weeks on end of prizefighting, the feisty gal was able to find an establishing haircut that best suit her domineering presence. Two chunky strands of hair split over her shoulders to conceal a portion of her bosom. Her forehead is left exposed, and the lengths of her hair are left heavily unkempt, with only enough care put into it so that it does not lose its general shape.

Akae’s face could only be best described as “masculine.” Her eyebrows are full, with distinct edges that etch out a hardy story upon her face. Her hazel–colored eyes lie low, keeping a dangerous glare that inspires as much compliance as it does conflict. A defined nose sharpens her features alongside her fairly hollow cheekbones. Even her philtrum carries a strong appearance as it bolsters the weighty look of her rounded lips. Akae’s jawline is extremely sharp, with only her chin serving as a spoiler to her masculine features.

Chocolate tones cover the landscape of Akae’s chiseled body. The red undertones shine through brilliantly as she exerts her body to achieve greater limits, signalling out a robust and enduring energy to anyone who encounters her in such a state; It is for this skin coloration that Akae’s peers have dubbed her as “Redwood”, both to be respected and feared for her extraordinary perseverance as a living monument of the everlasting tree.

Akae’s chest bulges with hardy muscles, all of them fairly swollen from having the seeds of a fierce fighting spirit implanted in them. Though not barrel–chested, the sheer volume of the muscles occupying the young girl’s stocky bosom is an awesome sight to behold. Her arms trail out into chiseled, yet modest mounds of strength, with her rough and calloused hands announcing to the world that this strength is not wasted. Her waist tapers in somewhat, though her heavily defined abdominal muscles make it clear that Akae makes a point in making her body into a worthy vessel for combat sports. The rigid musculature of her abs transfer into her bottom half, as her thigh muscles are sculpted out like those of ancient Greek statues.

Clothes Description
Akae's outfit is a hand–me–down from one of the Kyoushuku Temple's monks. They are intricate kari–shozoku¹, consisting of a red top and brown bottoms. They are, to say the least, shabby, yet Akae seems to have no issues with carrying them wherever she goes. She foregoes wearing the hat that goes along with the rest of the wardrobe. For shoes, Akae wears simple waraji.
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1 http://www.mit.edu/afs.new/athena/dept/for-lang/tanabata/site05/gallery/1.html


Abilities/Skills:

Abilities

"Haishou" (敗招) Warhammer (+400)
Damage Rank 2 (+200)
–––Removable (-100)
–––Weakness: Being a Pure Soul¹ (-50)
Damage Rank 2 (+200)
–––Removable (-100)
–––Weakness: Being a Pure Soul¹ (-50)
Protection Rank 3 (+300)
–––Ongoing (+300)
–––Removable (-150)
–––Limited: Being a Pure Soul (-150)

A warhammer hidden deep within the Kyoushuku Temple. It is said to have been wielded by the Shinigami warrior Beregendo (ベレゲンド).

Its construction seems to be primarily sunuke wood for both the head and the base of the warhammer, giving it a deep dark brown color. There are studded rings around the ends of the shaft, and cracks are very prominent all over. Within these cracks, there seems to be a deep orange glow. There does not seem to be any obvious mechanism keeping the picks on the shaft. Due to this, it is possible for the picks of the warhammer to be used as tonfa. Following this example, the shaft of the warhammer can also be used as a thick jo staff.

The Haishou has a tendency to attract drifting spirits that hold a penchant for ill will. They grasp at the object in their invisible form, as well as the user of the weapon. These hands are fully capable of deflecting any incoming impact, serving to be just as effective as plate armor. They also enhance the strength of the wooden weapons, causing them to inflict as much damage as their metal counterparts. It is said that the more one grows familiar with Haishou, the more its potent it becomes… If a pure soul were to wield Haishou, the protection and strength from the aragami are not provided, leaving the weapons to be only as effective as they could be in their wooden forms.

Haishou Jo Staff (+350)
Damage Rank 2 (+200)
–––Removable (-100)
–––Weakness: Being a Pure Soul (-50)
Protection Rank 3 (+300)
–––Ongoing (+300)
–––Removable (-150)
–––Limited: Being a Pure Soul (-150)

The shaft of the Haishou warhammer, having had its head detached. Additional damage and protection is provided by the surrounding aragami. These perks are not applicable to a pure soul.

Haishou Tonfa (+350)
Damage Rank 2 (+200)
–––Removable (-100)
–––Weakness: Being a Pure Soul (-50)
Protection Rank 3 (+300)
–––Ongoing (+300)
–––Removable (-150)
–––Limited: Being a Pure Soul (-150)

The head of the Haishou warhammer, having been detached from the shaft. Comes in a pair. Additional damage and protection is provided by the surrounding aragami. These perks are not applicable to a pure soul.

Assorted Martial Arts Techniques: Resilient (+700)
Agility Rank 1 (+200)
Damage Rank 1 (+100)
Endurance Rank 2 (+200)
Move Object Rank 1 (+100)
–––Ongoing (+100)

Akae's primary outlet of frustration comes from the organized fight club nearby the Kyoushuku Temple. She had initially taken to a mentorship under one of the members. She picked up some of the basics of jujutsu, but she found that none of them were to her satisfaction in the heat of the fight. Since then, she started to apply her own techniques, often to weak results. This straying from the jujutsu teachings caused a falling out between Akae and her temporary mentor. Although Akae loses a majority of her fights, many note that she possesses a brilliant resilience during fights, and she is able to employ that resilience when perfecting her own techniques. They also note, however, that the young fighter still has a long way to go. Perhaps unsurprisingly, this same resilience also makes Akae excellent for heavy labor for prolonged periods of time.

Master Skills

  • Sports (Martial Arts) Rank 2 (+100)
  • Medical Rank 1 (+50)
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1 "Shintō does not teach that anything is a sin per se. Rather certain deeds create a kind of ritual impurity that one should want to be cleansed merely for one’s own peace of mind and good fortune, and not because impurity is wrong in and of itself." Impurity can also be inflicted from unfortunate incidents in which the subject is not at fault for the causality. https://jref.com/articles/shinto.27/
2 "Failure to show proper respect is a sign of pride and lack of concern for others. Such an attitude is looked down upon because it is believed to create problems for all. Those who fail to take into account the feelings of other people and kami will only attract ruin for themselves. The worst expression of such an attitude is the taking of another’s life for personal advances and enjoyments. Those killed without being shown gratitude for their sacrifice will hold 'urami', lit. a grudge and become 'aragami', a powerful and evil kami that seeks revenge." https://jref.com/articles/shinto.27/

How much Essence did you spend? 1950

How much Essence do you have left? 50

Were you referred by an existing member? Morene Fellon
 
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Ahana Varma

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I can see that you are clearly a talented writer, but unfortunately you do seem to be having some trouble with the more technical aspect of putting Abilities together, so I'll just go over those with you now.

"Haishou" (敗招) Warhammer (+250)
Damage Rank 3 (+300)
–––Removable (-50)
–––Limited: Damage Rank 1 when Wielded by Pure Souls¹ (-50)

Haishou Jo Staff (+150)
Damage Rank 2 (+200)
–––Removable (-50)
–––Limited: Damage Rank 1 when Wielded by Pure Souls (-50)

Haishou Tonfa x2 (+100)
Damage Rank 1 (+100*2)
–––Removable (-50*2)
–––Limited: Damage Rank 1 when Wielded by Pure Souls (-50)

First off, is Akae herself a "Pure Soul"?
If so, you can keep your Limited Modifiers. If not, then I don't believe this will reduce the weapon's efficacy by 50% or more, so this should be a Weakness rather than a Limited Modifier.

Secondly, you've calculated the costs incorrectly. Modifier costs are multiplied by the rank of the Effect they Modify. But remember that the total cost of an Effect can never be lower than 50 Essence per rank, so even if you do include a Limited or Weakness Modifier, that will not actually affect the cost in this case, as the Removable Modifier alone is enough to reduce the Damage Effect to its minimum value.

Third, the Limited & Weakness Modifiers need to completely negate the Effect when their condition applies, so they will need to be set out slightly differently to work the way you would like them to. Ranks of the same Effect within the same Ability stack, so you will want to take one rank without the Weakness and the rest with it.

Finally, if you have read the rules on the Damage Effect you will know that ordinary, non-magical, real-life-strength, two-handed weapons such as greatswords, spears, and indeed warhammers... are Damage 4. So even with all that aragami stuff going on, when not being wielded by a pure soul... Akae's weapon is still going to be weaker than an ordinary, non-magical version of the same thing.
Is that really what you want?

Assuming it is, here is how the Effect list of that warhammer Ability would be written correctly (in your format):
"Haishou" (敗招) Warhammer (+150)
Damage Rank 1 (+100)
–––Removable (-50)
Damage Rank 2 (+200)
–––Removable (-100)
–––Weakness: Wielded by Pure Souls¹ (-50)



Malaise (+100)
Damage Buff Rank 1 (+100 to respective Damage Rank)
–––Ongoing (+100)
–––Limited x2: Only Wielding Any Haishou Weapon; Unavailable to Pure Souls (-100)
–––Removable (-50)
–––Side Effect (-50)
Protection Rank 2 (+200)
–––Ongoing (+100)
–––Limited x2: Only Wielding Any Haishou Weapon; Unavailable to Pure Souls (-100)
–––Removable (-50)
–––Side Effect (-50)

Sorry, but the first bit of this isn't a thing.
There is no "Damage Buff" Effect.
If you want to be able to increase the Damage of your other Abilities then you will need to do so by increasing the ranks of the Damage Effects within those Abilities.

Also, you can't take "Limited x2". You can have two limits, but that won't save you additional Essence. And even if you could, the first of the limits you've requested is already covered by the Removable Modifier, so it isn't viable anyway.

Oh, and you need to specify what your Side-Effect is just as you would specify a Weakness or Limited Modifier. And try to stick to as few words as possible when doing this. We like to keep the Effect lists concise.

So, assuming you are wanting to keep this Ability, here is how I would update my previous suggestion for writing the warhammer Ability's Effects, as well as how I would write this one's:
"Haishou" (敗招) Warhammer (+200)
Damage Rank 1 (+100)
–––Removable (-50)
Damage Rank 2 (+200)
–––Removable (-100)
–––Weakness: Wielded by Pure Souls¹ (-50)
Damage Rank 1 (+100)
–––Triggered: Malaise Activated (+50)
–––Removable (-50)
–––Side-Effect: Tiring Post-Use (-50)
–––Weakness: Wielded by Pure Souls¹ (-25)
Malaise (+150)
Protection Rank 2 (+200)
–––Ongoing (+200)
–––Weakness: Being a Pure Soul (-50)
–––Removable (-100)
–––Side-Effect: Tiring Post-Use (-100)



Languish (+1500) Not Yet Acquired
Damage Rank 10 (+1000)
–––Affects Multiple (+50)
–––Indirect (+100)
–––Ongoing (+100)
–––Activation (-50)
–––Limited x4: Only Wielding any Haishou Weapon; Unavailable to Pure Souls; Only in Area with High Concentration of Aragami e.g. battlefields, massacre grounds, etc.; Only After Having Worshiped Beregendo (-200)
–––Indiscriminate (-50)
–––Removable (-50)
–––Side Effect 2x (-100)
Protection Rank 10 (+1000)
–––Ongoing (+100)
–––Activation (-50)
–––Limited x4: Only Wielding any Haishou Weapon; Unavailable to Pure Souls; Only in Area with High Concentration of Aragami e.g. battlefields, massacre grounds, etc.; Only After Having Worshiped Beregendo (-200)
–––Removable (-50)
–––Side Effect 2x (-100)

This Ability will need alterations too, but I won't go through those with you until you are actually buying it. Please remove it from your join application unless you want to purchase it.


Assorted Martial Arts Techniques: Resilient (+500)
Agility Rank 1 (+200)
Damage Rank 1 (+100)
Endurance Rank 2 (+200)
Move Object Rank 1 (+100)

Damage does not require Ongoing and both Agility and Endurance have it by default, so those three Effects are all fine. For Move Object, though, you will need to take Ongoing if you want her to be able to lift things for more than a few seconds at a time.
 

Akae Yaharu

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So it appears I was too caught up in my writing to consider the mechanics! I hope this doesn't become a recurring theme for the rest of my experiences here.

First off, is Akae herself a "Pure Soul"?
No, she is not. For starters, her soul got corrupted due to the sudden disappearences of her parents. She harbors a deep disdain for the higher-ups of her own clan, which is exactly makes her soul, for a lack of a more relevant term, "Unpure". I intended for Limited modifier to be applied in situations wherein someone other than Akae would wield the weapon. If they were to be a pure soul, then the damage on the warhammer would be nerfed. That being said, I don't think I exactly made that translate through my description of the ability.

Akae's weapon is still going to be weaker than an ordinary, non-magical version of the same thing. Is that really what you want?
Yes. I apologize for skimping out on some details so much, but the warhammer itself is entirely wooden. I was thinking that this would translate to a lower damage rank than a metal version of a warhammer. If I am incorrect about this assumption, I would like to be corrected. However, I am planning to rewrite the ability so it would be more in-line with the Limited modifier that I wish to keep. In order to do so, however, I would need the damage rank of a completely wooden warhammer.

I think what really messed me up on the Abilities is the fact that there were so many sub-abilities for the one warhammer. I guess my tendecy to complicate every single thing with a myriad of details made me my own enemy when calculating all these costs. Thank you so much for helping me out on my needlessly complicated writing!
 

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That's what I thought you meant about the pure soul thing, but I just thought I'd better check.

And that's cool too about the warhammer. I believe you'd be right about a wooden one being weaker than a metal one, normally... I was just thinking you might want it to be more powerful because of the aragami stuff.

However, I am planning to rewrite the ability so it would be more in-line with the Limited modifier that I wish to keep.

You can do that if you wish, though it might not be easy. Remember, any Effect with Limited has to be useless half the time, so it can be hard to find restrictions which are severe enough to qualify.

Also, remember that with the minimum Essence cost per rank being 50, the Removable Modifier alone is enough to take a Damage Effect down to its lowest possible cost, assuming it doesn't have any positive Modifiers attached. As such, if you are determined to get a Limited Modifier in addition to Removable, you might want to take a positive Modifier as well, just because you'll be essentially getting it for free.
 

Akae Yaharu

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There is something I am concerned about.
Damage Rank 1 (+100)
–––Removable (-50)
Damage Rank 2 (+200)
–––Removable (-100)
–––Weakness: Wielded by Pure Souls¹ (-50)
In your rewrite, I'm fairly sure that these two damage ranks refer to both the staff and the tonfa, but the tonfa are supposed to come as a pair. Do I add one more damage rank for the additional tonfa, or can a pair of weapons be considered as one Effect?
 
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Yuuka Kazami

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That's kind of debatable. A pair of weapons used in tandem, like Nunchucks, could probably be considered one ability. But you couldn't have one ability that qualified as, say, a spear and a hammer, because those would be used at different times in different situations. Basically, if they're used as one attack, no they don't need to be separate. If they're used as two different forms of attack, yes they do.

This all being said, I'm really not sure that what Reece is suggesting is the most elegant solution to your problems anyway (because it's absolutely horrible to look at even worse to try to understand), so I'm gonna talk about that with the other staff.
 

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I'm kind of getting the feeling that I'm not really welcome here. I only tried my best to follow the rules as they were set out to me. To have my character's abilities be indirectly called
absolutely horrible to look at even worse to try to understand
kind of hurts my feelings. I haven't had the chance to share my OC's with people that often, so I was hoping that this would be an outlet for being able to do at least something with one of them. If my character's abilities do end up too complicated for Multerra's system to handle, then I might have to drop this forum. It's intimidating for me to do some writing on this website if other people are not going to understand it, so it might be for the best that I don't cause any further headaches for people on here. All I know for sure is that maybe priding my character's abilities for being unique isn't such a good thing…
 

Yuuka Kazami

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No no, that was not about your ability. That was in reference to Reece's attempt to correct your ability- Which doesn't fit with the guidelines that the rest of the staff have made for abilities, nor was it at all clear to understand, I assume for you or even the admins of the site.

I understand what you're trying to do pretty well based on your first post, and I don't think Reece's correction was the right way to go about "fixing it."

What I would suggest, personally, would be to remove Malaise as an ability, and instead make it a non-costed "flavor application" of our Focus system. Then, you could remove the whole "triggered by Malaise" portion of your moves, and just use it to do, well, whatever you would like whenever you need it to. You can see a couple things that Tenshi has done with her focus-ed abilities over here for some ideas on that, and you don't have to put hard and fast numbers on it. Granted, this would only allow you to use these enhancements once in a scene at level 1, but it seems like that would be the idea behind it as a "temporary super buff that tires her out" anyway.

Later on, if you want Malaise to do a specific thing that isn't tied to your existing abilities, you could consider making an ability for that just named, say, "Malaise - Defenses" and have that be what it does, and you wouldn't need to spend focus on that, just the portion that is "making your existing abilities stronger."

Then, you could just keep the first portion of your current ability, this bit:

Damage Rank 1 (+100)
–––Removable (-50)
Damage Rank 2 (+200)
–––Removable (-100)
–––Weakness: Wielded by Pure Souls¹ (-50)

And it would be way easier to grapple with, add future effects and modifiers onto (for example, if you wanted to add a damage over time bleed effect), and it would cost less as well.
 

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That was in reference to Reece's attempt to correct your ability- Which doesn't fit with the guidelines that the rest of the staff have made for abilities, nor was it at all clear to understand, I assume for you or even the admins of the site.

On the contrary, Mima, my suggestion fits precisely with what has been previously discussed with regards to the proper functionality of Effects.

Just because none of you admins have yet gotten around to updating the example moves, that doesn't mean these conversations have never happened.

It was agreed during one of Doug's attempts at introducing partial Modifiers that the same Effect taken multiple times within the same Ability should stack, even if each iteration had different Modifiers.

And it was also agreed that Effect ranks outside of the same Ability could not stack.

Along with the other admins, it is your prerogative to make whatever rules and judgements you want.

And as a moderator, it is my job to remember the decisions you make and stick to them, which is exactly what I have been doing. Even if you yourself don't seem to have done so.

So kindly refrain from telling people that I am doing things wrong when I am not.
 

Akae Yaharu

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This is giving me a headache. I never realized how much complications my one character could cause… I don't want to be handheld through the process of creating Akae, but at this point I'm not sure who is right and what direction I should take Akae's Abilities in. Maybe I should come back and apply when this whole system has had a change to mature a bit. Nevertheless, I'm going to try my best to handle what I see is right for my abilities.
 

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Another thing I'm concerned about, "Reece", is exactly detailing what qualifies for a Limited or Weakness modifier.
Whereas the Limited Modifier only works in certain scenarios, the Weakness Modifier only does NOT work in certain scenarios.
I'm not really understanding the difference between the two, as they seem to be interchangeable. For my example, I'm going to take the most basic example of pyromancy. Let us be under the assumption that if you were to attempt to use pyromancy underwater, then it would not work. I could apply a Limited modifier upon this Effect, stating that it only works above ground. I could also put in a Weakness modifier, saying that it does not work underwater.

This difference becomes even more muddy when the nature of Akae's weapon is concerned. Haishou is only meant to work in the hands of an Impure Soul. If a Pure Soul were to pick it up, then it would lose some of the capabilities of its Effects. Then, would I have to put in a Limited Modifier stating that it works only for Impure Souls, a Weakness Modifier that states it doesn't work for Pure Souls, or do I have to shove in both things into the Effect? It does seem very abusable to me, and the only thing that pretty much prevents this from happening is this:
As a general rule, the effect must lose about half its usefulness to qualify for this modifier.
I feel like this could be easily circumvented, but I digress.

I also feel as I need to restate this: I require the Damage Rank for the wooden and metal versions of each weapon to determine if it is a Limited or Weakness modifier that I need to place on Akae's Ability. I can infer all I'd like, but I'm pretty sure it's inaccurate that spears are in the same Damage Rank as greatswords or warhammers, as Reece brought up in this statement:
Finally, if you have read the rules on the Damage Effect you will know that ordinary, non-magical, real-life-strength, two-handed weapons such as greatswords, spears, and indeed warhammers... are Damage 4.
That's not to mention that the description of Damage Rank 4 refers to nothing about spears or warhammers being in such a category, let alone "ordinary, non-magical, real-life-strength, two-handed weapons." All it says is:
4: Will usually badly injure or kill a person on an undefended hit. Can punch through weak metal or shatter concrete. Heavy arms fire or a two-handed sword.
 

Yuuka Kazami

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I was overruling Reece, as an admin.

Initially my overruling was on the thought that Reece was telling you to combine multiple different weapons (ie hammer and tonfa) into a single ability, which is not how the system works. (Thankfully he at least gets the picture there.) And then my suggestion was that you could spend less essence overall and make things a lot cleaner by using focus in place of an entire separate section on every weapon ability just for an activated buff. Not that the separate buff portion itself was against the rules- just that I found it rather inelegant when that’s what focus already is for most members.

If you want to keep things the way Reece suggested, technically that isn’t against the rules as long as you have the buff listed and paid for on everyyyyy weapon (or pair of identical weapons, as we mentioned in discord). It’s fine, if a bit difficult for people to understand (hence why i mentioned there were other ways to do it). The only actual error is that the portion he has listed as “Triggered: By Malaise” would actually be considered “Limited: While using Malaise,” because that damage portion is an ongoing buff to the ability as a whole, not a sudden damage effect that happens instantly when Malaise is used.

(the secret truth is: neither i nor reece likes the fact you can’t just have a damage buff ability to make this whole thing simpler, but there were so many issues with it when that was in the system it had to be scrapped.)

But if you want to give it a think, go ahead. I’m not going to stop you. It’s probably for the best that we step back a bit and let you do what you want with the character as opposed to argue over the semantics of “the ‘best’ way to make a damage buff.”

You’re also welcome to start with much simpler abilities, or even no abilities at all, and give them thought while you roleplay, if you want. Then you can run them through Ability Approval when you are ready with them. If you want to start with “just a normal hammer/tonfas/etc” and just roleplay it as cursed, like we’ve said, we aren’t going to enforce specifics like “exactly how much damage it gains when in the hands of a pure soul” unless you’re going into a Crawl, Site Event, or PVP conflict. It’s often easiest, in my experience, to start simply and go from there.

As for your further questions which I am sticking at the end here because I wrote this post and I’ll be damned if I’m rewriting it because I am on a phone:

Weakness vs Limited is muddy, you’re right. But in this case, the 50% less effective portion means, about half of the times you would want to use the ability/effect in your post, it would not work. Or, there is a notable prerequisite (the use of another move, being behind the target, etc) that makes it significantly harder to activate in at least 50% of situations.

As for damage ranks, you could very well make the Hammer 4 or 5, or even 1- it’s up to you. From what I’m seeing, it’s a magical hammer anyway, the truth could be that it just works less than a “non-magical” hammer for pure hearted people in the first place as opposed to doing more damage when you’re not pure hearted. (or vice versa) I would recommend its baseline, non-buffed use for her being 3 or 4, and then calculate what it would “usually” be from that. But that’s me.
 

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we aren’t going to enforce specifics like “exactly how much damage it gains when in the hands of a pure soul”
For the record, Haishou loses its magical enhancements when in the hands of a pure soul, meaning damage is nerfed and the protection completely goes away.

I think I have my abilities mostly planned out by now. My issue is with how to write out Malaise. It is true that it's similar to the Focus mechanic. However, I was thinking that the Side-Effect only happens after prolonged use. I think it's for the best to remove it until I can think of a way to sensibly incorporate it into Akae's Abilities. For now, I'm satisfied with the rest of her stuff.
 

Victor Wolfe

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For the record, Haishou loses its magical enhancements when in the hands of a pure soul, meaning damage is nerfed and the protection completely goes away.

I think I have my abilities mostly planned out by now. My issue is with how to write out Malaise. It is true that it's similar to the Focus mechanic. However, I was thinking that the Side-Effect only happens after prolonged use. I think it's for the best to remove it until I can think of a way to sensibly incorporate it into Akae's Abilities. For now, I'm satisfied with the rest of her stuff.
Hi Akae, Victor here. So after some discussion in the staff chat, we have decided that it would likely be for the best that in the description section of the abilities it should be about the function of the ability itself, and any flavour attached can be put in the background or on another section of your character profile. Less flavour would make it much easier for us staff to figure out exactly what the ability does and make it easier for us to approve them :) Plus you could even explain the backstory of your weapons in a post, and link it into your roaster, that way you even earn some easy essence for it friend. We can clearly see that you have skill and all look forward to seeing your work if you could boil those abilities down to the basic descriptions and functions that would be amazing and we will try to get them approved or edited as quickly as possible.

This is a relatively new site so sometimes certain things come along that raise some questions so we hope that you understand and work with us to get you started.
 

Akae Yaharu

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I believe that I've finished my application! I took out most of the meat, which were the histories behind Haishou and Akae. I also fixed most of my calculations; They should be fine by now. I'm looking forward to having Akae approved!

On a side-note, I've never noticed how much similar Tenshi's abilities are to Akae's, right down to the weapon names (Hisou and Haishou, respectively). It definitely wasn't intentional, but I guess that's what happens when you draw from a common source of Japanese mythology.
 
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Yuuka Kazami

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There's nothing other than a mod approving you. And looking at your form now, everything seems to be in order, so she's approved!

And yeah, they are a bit similar- but I believe Tenshi's would be the reverse of yours, since she's a celestial from a pure land, her sword ability would only work for those those lacking kegare entirely.

Editing to add: I will simply unlock your earlier profile in character profiles and delete Reece's post for you. Feel free to add in your new stuff as you see fit.
 

Ahana Varma

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Hey again,
Just before you go ahead and make the changes to your Profile, there's a few things we've noticed that actually need altered.
"Haishou" (敗招) Warhammer (+400)
Damage Rank 2 (+200)
–––Removable (-100)
–––Weakness: Being a Pure Soul¹ (-50)
Damage Rank 2 (+200)
–––Removable (-100)
–––Weakness: Being a Pure Soul¹ (-50)
Protection Rank 3 (+300)
–––Ongoing (+300)
–––Removable (-150)
–––Limited: Being a Pure Soul (-150)

A warhammer hidden deep within the Kyoushuku Temple. It is said to have been wielded by the Shinigami warrior Beregendo (ベレゲンド).

Its construction seems to be primarily sunuke wood for both the head and the base of the warhammer, giving it a deep dark brown color. There are studded rings around the ends of the shaft, and cracks are very prominent all over. Within these cracks, there seems to be a deep orange glow. There does not seem to be any obvious mechanism keeping the picks on the shaft. Due to this, it is possible for the picks of the warhammer to be used as tonfa. Following this example, the shaft of the warhammer can also be used as a thick jo staff.

The Haishou has a tendency to attract drifting spirits that hold a penchant for ill will. They grasp at the object in their invisible form, as well as the user of the weapon. These hands are fully capable of deflecting any incoming impact, serving to be just as effective as plate armor. They also enhance the strength of the wooden weapons, causing them to inflict as much damage as their metal counterparts. It is said that the more one grows familiar with Haishou, the more its potent it becomes… If a pure soul were to wield Haishou, the protection and strength from the aragami are not provided, leaving the weapons to be only as effective as they could be in their wooden forms.

Haishou Jo Staff (+350)
Damage Rank 2 (+200)
–––Removable (-100)
–––Weakness: Being a Pure Soul (-50)
Protection Rank 3 (+300)
–––Ongoing (+300)
–––Removable (-150)
–––Limited: Being a Pure Soul (-150)

The shaft of the Haishou warhammer, having had its head detached. Additional damage and protection is provided by the surrounding aragami. These perks are not applicable to a pure soul.

Haishou Tonfa (+350)
Damage Rank 2 (+200)
–––Removable (-100)
–––Weakness: Being a Pure Soul (-50)
Protection Rank 3 (+300)
–––Ongoing (+300)
–––Removable (-150)
–––Limited: Being a Pure Soul (-150)

The head of the Haishou warhammer, having been detached from the shaft. Comes in a pair. Additional damage and protection is provided by the surrounding aragami. These perks are not applicable to a pure soul.
I've spoken to Mima about this and she has agreed that some of this was an oversight on her part (though I share the blame, for not pointing it out to you sooner, so I'm sorry about that... I've been busy these last couple days, and your joining application unfortunately slipped my mind).

The first is that you have taken the Pure Souls thing as a Limited Modifier on your Protection, rather than a Weakness. I assume this must just have been something you missed when editing the Abilities, as you have remembered to make it a Weakness on the Damage Effects.

Next up, the costs have been calculated incorrectly, as the lowest an Effect can ever cost is 50 Essence per rank after deducting the costs of its negative Modifiers from it, meaning Damage 2 can never cost less than 100 Essence, yet you have priced your Abilities as if the Weakness Modifiers are impacting the costs of the Damage Effects. That's an easy mistake to make, so don't worry about it. It's fine to still write the negative Essence value beside all of the negative Modifiers, you just need to keep the limit in mind when adding up the total costs of each Effect within your Ability.

You've also put identical Modifiers on your Damage ranks for the hammer, yet kept them separate. The only reason those were separate before was because they had different Modifiers. That was all it was, so now that they don't, they can be merged again.

Lastly, you are actually not getting any benefit from having the Protection in the same Abilities as the Damage. You're just buying the same thing three times. Is there a particular reason for that? If not, you would save yourself quite a bit of Essence by keeping it separate. Of course, if you do have a particular reason for wanting to buy it three times over, you can certainly do so.



Now, onto my suggestions.
I think that part of the reason for all this confusion may possibly be my own fault for advising that you use more complex Modifiers to describe your Effects, as I seem to have only made the system seem even more confusing to you than it initially was. As such, I'll try to re-write suggested versions of these Haishou weapons, which will be much simpler than what I originally described. These ones aren't technically what you were initially asking for (which would have been those big, convoluted things I proposed previously), but they will do if you just want to keep things simple so that you can focus on the actual writing. And as Mima said before, starting off simple is the easiest way of going about this.

In hindsight, I probably should have just suggested something like this to start with... so apologies for being confusing. I was trying to avoid having to make any changes to your written descriptions and give you exactly what you were asking for. This time, I have made slight alterations to what you have written, in order to make it clearer to anyone reading them (yourself included) exactly how the Abilities function.

Of course, if you're not satisfied with what I have written here then you can suggest whatever differences you would like.
"Haishou" (敗招) Warhammer (+200)
Damage Rank 4 (+400)
–––Removable (-200)
–––Weakness: Being a Pure Soul¹ (-100)

A warhammer hidden deep within the Kyoushuku Temple. It is said to have been wielded by the Shinigami warrior Beregendo (ベレゲンド).

Its construction seems to be primarily sunuke wood for both the head and the base of the warhammer, giving it a deep dark brown color. There are studded rings around the ends of the shaft, and cracks are very prominent all over. Within these cracks, there seems to be a deep orange glow. There does not seem to be any obvious mechanism keeping the picks on the shaft. Due to this, it is possible for the picks of the warhammer to be used as tonfa. Following this example, the shaft of the warhammer can also be used as a thick jo staff. When Akae is not using Malaise, this Ability's Damage is 1 rank lower. When in the hands of a pure soul, it is just a big stick (i.e. Damage 0).


Haishou Jo Staff (+100)
Damage Rank 2 (+200)
–––Removable (-100)
–––Weakness: Being a Pure Soul (-50)

The shaft of the Haishou warhammer, having had its head detached. Additional damage is provided by any surrounding aragami, so its Damage is 1 rank lower when Akae is not using Malaise. When in the hands of a pure soul, it is just a big stick (i.e. Damage 0).


Haishou Tonfa (+100)
Damage Rank 2 (+200)
–––Removable (-100)
–––Weakness: Being a Pure Soul (-50)

The head of the Haishou warhammer, having been detached from the shaft. Comes in a pair. Additional damage and protection is provided by any surrounding aragami, so its Damage is 1 rank lower when Akae is not using Malaise. When in the hands of a pure soul, they are just small sticks (i.e. Damage 0).


Malaise (+375)
Protection Rank 3 (+300)
–––Ongoing (+300)
–––Removable (-150)
–––Weakness: Being a Pure Soul (-75)

The Haishou weapons have a tendency to attract drifting spirits that hold a penchant for ill will. They grasp at the objects in their invisible forms, as well as the user of the weapon. Their hands are fully capable of deflecting any incoming impact, serving to be just as effective as plate armor. They also enhance the strength of the wooden weapons, causing them to inflict as much damage as their metal counterparts. It is said that the more one grows familiar with Haishou, the more its potent it becomes… If a pure soul were to wield Haishou, the protection and strength from the aragami are not provided, leaving the weapons to be only as effective as they could be in their wooden forms.

In case you were wondering, Damage 0 doesn't actually mean no damage at all, it just means damage lower than being slashed with a knife... so punching someone would be an example of Damage 0.

Hopefully these changes will make things look simpler to you and to anyone else who wants to write with you. And as an added bonus, even after taking account of the 50 Essence bottom limit on Effect costs, implementing my suggestions will still save you a little bit of Essence (325, to be exact).
 

Akae Yaharu

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For the record, I'm going to be doing any further updates on my character profile. I think it'll be very complicated to discuss this in this thread and the profile, so I'm not sure where we should talk about this.
 
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