Mickey Mouse had been up all night. He’d slept for maybe a wink when suddenly he bolted awake and, wholly losing the fight to actually get some freakin’ sleep before sign-ups the next day, scurried to the barracks’ common area and plopped down on the couch. On his way inside earlier in the evening, he’d spotted something truly special. The mercenaries that comprised New Abraxas’ makeshift defense force had somehow managed to snag an artifact that required the mouse’s eyes. It necessitated further investigation, and sinking into the middle cushion of the burgundy sofa, stained with Gosh-knows-what, Mickey smiled.
So! Many! DVDs!
It had been so long since he’d seen one! The cracking plastic cases, the slightly dusty discs, the cute little booklets that listed the scenes… it brought him back to movie nights with his honey bun, snuggled up on their own scarlet sofa back home and popping something they’d rented from the local video store into the DVD player. The mercenaries’ selection was far less copious than any of his kingdom’s extensive film libraries, but he’d come into this room in the middle of the night looking for more insight on a specific subject, and he hadn’t been disappointed.
His choices splayed out on the coffee table in front of him, he selected one and popped it in. As the blue-ish glow of the television set flickered on, he thought he caught Mugen’s silhouette slipping into the bathroom, and he scoffed. The raucous ronin had been drinking all dang day, and now he probably found himself with a bit of a peeing problem. The mouse king would not let any vices like the young man’s lust for drink get in the way of his newfound fervor for this competition.
If he was gonna really embrace this new world, and really throw himself into Dante’s Abyss in a way he hadn’t during either of his previous run-ins with Mr. Jakity Jak, then he was gonna have to put in the work.
As the title ‘Rocky III’ flashed on the screen, he cracked his knuckles.
Let’s get down to business.
The sweaty boxer dude’s training regimen left the mouse in awe. Lifting weights, jumping rope, walking dogs! Somewhere in the common area, he uncovered a notepad and pen and began jotting down tips and tricks. After a marathon sprint through
Rocky III and the training montages of
Karate Kid and the first
Rocky film (and a brief experience with
Rambo that ended very quickly when he realized how violent it was), Mickey’s rounded handwriting was scrawled on too many pages of the notepad to count. Before the sun had even peeked into the windows of the barracks, the mouse king had tightened a red bandana around his head, swiped a bow and quiver of arrows from the mercs’ stockroom, and headed out into the yard between the barracks and New Abraxas’ town center.
Light had just barely started to spill through the canopy of the trees when the high-pitched sounds of the city’s newest resident shouting his tiny little face off echoed through the collection of repurposed ruins.
“Wax on! Wax off!”
He echoed young Ralph Macchio’s movements, swiping right and left with his gloved fists. Imaginary blows bounced off his skinny forearms as he held strong against his invisible assailants. No doubt this multiverse’s warriors would prove worthy challengers, but the mouse had been through all this hullabaloo before; he’d be ready for them this time.
A large, stone column rose out of the ground near the spot where Syntech had started to construct makeshift registration booths in Kraw’s ‘capital.’ Several bystanders sporting deep purple t-shirts with the Syntech logo on them paused their work for a few moments to watch the mouse king shoot an arrow toward the peak of the column. They stifled giggles as it bounced off the stone structure, and the intense, in-the-zone mouseketeer turned to them and glared.
“Still gonna climb it!” he announced proudly, and so he did, bounding off the grassy ground and almost sprinting up the side. With no shirt on, the Syntech employees — and their cell phones, which some of them had already unsheathed — could clearly see perspiration dripping off Mickey Mouse’s fur as he clambered up the structure, gloved hands gripping tiny cracks and small ledges as he went. He hoisted himself up onto the top and plopped down on his butt, a satisfied smirk crossing his face as he took in Kraw’s air from new heights.
These folks had heard of ‘Eye of the Tiger,’ maybe, but had any of them ever heard ‘Eye of the Mouse’?
He landed with a thump on the ground in front of the registration booth, which, during his homemade training montage, had already attracted a few competitors. The blonde girl leaning on the stool behind the table tip-tapped at her mobile device as Mickey stood and placed his hands on his hips proudly, waiting to be acknowledged.
Several seconds passed and the girl didn’t look up. What the heck? Did these Syntech employees not recognize a Dante’s Abyss celeb when they saw one?
“Ahem,” Mickey shrugged nonchalantly, averting his eyes from the registration booth. At long last, the girl’s attention refocused onto him.
“Oh, hi, Mr. Mouse,” she smiled. “So good to see you again.”
Mickey couldn’t help but smile. Yeah, yeah, he’d hated every second of his past two tries at this competition, but hey — it was nice to be noticed.
“I’m Melissa,” she chirped. “We’ve never met, but I’ve seen your archives and I’m a big fan. Everyone is! I just posted your cute little pole dance on my Terragram and wow, it already has, like… ten likes.”
Mickey’s brow furrowed slightly at the word ‘cute,’ but he tried not to show his frustration. He didn’t know what half of the other words the lady had said were, but at least she’d recognized the technique. Pole dancing was a fighting style he’d read about extensively in
Play, Boy! and he was happy to have his hard work in the form acknowledged, even if he still had quite a ways to go before he was as good as the girls in those pictures.
“I assume you’re here to sign up, then?” Melissa asked with a grin, holding up a clipboard. “Everyone back on the Comet will be just lit if you do.”
Mickey let out a deep sigh. He couldn’t believe he was about to freakin’ do this again.
“You betcha.”
And with those words — and a quick whirl through a wacky teleportation machine — Mickey Theodore Mouse was swept away from the planet Kraw, once more diving deep into the gruesome playground of Dante’s Abyss.
Mickey's
outfit during his training/initial registration. He'll probably change back when he arrives on the Comet.