DGS3 -- Power Rankings

[The Man in Red]

Death Game Season 3: The BEEF Rankings​

“Hello out there, everyone! Good morning, good day and good evening to all of our absolutely lovely viewers, observers and event-keep-up-with-ers! My name is Shanise, and on behalf of the Carnivale Rosa, I’ll be presenting this year’s….mmm…BEEF rankings!”

Yes, that’s right! The listing where we detail our exclusive and unfettered opinions on just how all of our competitors stack up with their sheer physical….presence! We’ve gone to great effort to catch some pictures of everyone at their most…mmm, ‘flattering’, to make them look as good as possible. So let’s not waste any more time, hmm? Come with me, and make sure to thoroughly take in aaaaall the sights we’ve so lovingly prepared!”


#18 – Chaos Agent Rory – Mmm….well. I’m sure he’s in very good shape for a penguin?

#17 – Five – The uniform is very nice, and I’m sure you’ll develop some muscle as you get older. Oh, wait….does that one touch a nerve? I wasn’t mean, was I?

#16 – Kevin – I know even though he doesn’t really look like it, he’s probably in great shape. It takes a lot out of you to be an assistant to someone like Karl Jak!

#15 – Laurentius Abernathy – It takes a certain amount of gumption and physical….something or other to deal with the dead so regularly, even if that ‘something or other’ isn’t necessarily super good for the actual body.

#14 – Zayin – Come on, now. We all know that all that swordplay means this angel probably has some really….divine traits. Shame that collar’s hiding it from us all right now, huh?

#13 – Mid-Boss – There’s no denying that you’re in great shape, but you’re a little…scrawny. I bet if you were a real boss you’d look like you carry your entire stage.

#12 – Coda Nitai – I have it from reliable sources that under that suit and jacket she’s actually in great shape. She’s got some…very good genes. Trust me.

#11 – Kiryu and Majima – Boy oh boy. These two are…a real fine pair, that’s for sure. All lean and wiry and scrappy, no real bulk that kind of muscle definition you only get from living life…hard. Maybe we’ll get to see their trademark ‘ripping off of the jacket’ and shirtless fight!

#10 – Eddie the Head – I wasn’t sure what to make of this one at first, honestly. I’m still not! But hey, just look at him. He’s definitely got muscle; he even took off his skin to really show it off! I’m sure there’s a crowd out there who’s into that. Probably.

#9 – Michael Myers – Well, he wins points for being a big guy if nothing else. Like, a really big guy. That big, baggy jumpsuit he always wears might not reveal much, but….well. Take a biiiig guess what he looks like without it.

#8 – Vitallion – Hey there, soldier boy. Lose the armor and show off your gains from all that army-carrying.

#7 – Blaidd the Half-Wolf – I know his name is ‘half-wolf’ but he’s built more like a half-bear. Yowza!

#6 – Mister Satan – He sure LOOKS the party of a world martial arts champion. I wouldn’t put it past him to haul the rest of the competition around on a bus!

#5 – Trevor O’Skully – For an assassin, he sure packs a whole load of beef! Who needs to sneak around when you can just punch the concept of being discovered out of existence?

#4 – Flak – I bet he works out by carrying battleships over land to put them in lakes. But maybe remember leg day exists every now and then?

#3 – King Shark – It’s hard to tell, because of how much….bulk there is here. It’s a lot of flab, but then again, have you seen many powerlifters recently?

#2 – Superman – Oh yeah. That’s the stuff. All that red and blue, it doesn’t hide a thing...mmmm. Oh, what? That’s his actual costume?! I thought it was just for show!

#1 – Alex Louis Armstrong – This guy; just LOOK at this guy! It’s like his muscles ate all the other competitors’ muscles! And he even comes with his own sparkles, just to highlight that he is the beefiest man at the meat market! Makes you wonder about the rest of his family, huh?

 

[The Man in Red]

We would like to offer an apology, in regards to the previous message released on this account. It was not an official release from the official representatives of the Carnivale Rosa, and we are still investigating the source of the one who posted it. At this time, we can only ascertain that it was not posted from within our facilities, and suspect an outside interloper.

Having said that, we here at the Carnivale Rosa find the contents of said message to be hilarious, and as such, shall leave it as-is for posterity's sake.


(Behind the Mask/Out of Character: The above 'rankings' are, indeed, just a joke. They are fully in-character, and can be accessed via the Medium as normal for the amusement of anyone who wants to reference them, however. There will be an ACTUAL power rankings to come, which will be posted sometime after the Barracks open on February 5th. Stay tuned!)

 

[The Man in Red]

Death Game Season 3: Pre-Game Rankings​

(Behind the Mask – Alright. These are the actual rankings for the beginning of this event. These aren’t based on anything concrete or specific, like character strength or odds of doing well/winning, as they don’t include any of the details or ‘stats’ from the actual event. So don’t take these as any kind of statement on your writing or anything, as these will be purely In-character remarks and commentary from the Man in Red’s observations. These will be primarily based on your activities and posting during registration and the various staging areas, so if you joined late or just didn’t write a lot you might come in lower as a result.

I will endeavor to get up subsequent rankings at least once per IC day, or roughly every 4 OOC days, but we shall see how that turns out. Those rankings will take into account much more, including your current Item(s), any injuries you have, partnerships, and my chaotic whimsy regarding your character.)

* - * - *​

“Hello there, and good afternoon to everyone out there. I am the Man in Red, the host of this wonderful event. With recent events having stirred up some…amusing situations, we have decided to step up and release a more legitimate set of rankings of our dear, esteemed competitors. As they all begin to retreat to more private areas to rest and prepare for the coming bloodshed, let us take a look at…where they stand, from our estimations thus far, shall we?”

• 19 – Five – I can’t tell if this is someone’s grandpa stuck in a child’s body, or just a normal schoolboy with an attitude problem. Maybe I’m out of touch.

• 18 – Laurentius Abernathy – Are we entirely sure that this one didn’t die herself? She just works with the dead, right? Hmm.

• 17 – Alex Louis Armstrong – Clearly just biding his time, and preserving his strength for the actual competition. As the Armstrong family line’s codex dictates, no doubt.

• 16 – Vitallion – Not quite the general we were expecting to turn up. How do you think you’ll fare without an army to back you up?

• 15 – Peter Pellbrook – Seems like you’re the one in charge of buying the common sense supplies for your little clinic. How amusing. I trust that will serve you well in the business to come.

• 14 – Mid-Boss – Perhaps you’ll actually manage to survive a fight this year?

• 13 – Michael Myers – Legally, I’m obligated to state we have no intention of having you be a recurring competitor intended to stalk and murder teenaged competitors in misty lakeshore environments.

• 12 – Kevin – Mister Jak was busy this year, I take it? An understandable shame Regardless, delighted as always he still sent someone!

• 11 – Mister Satan – There’s no clearly defined arena and rules to hold you back here, mister champion. Or to save you.

• 10 – Trevor O’Skully – The strong, silent, brooding and analytical type, are we? Delightful. Just make sure to make up for the lack of theatricality in some other way, now.

• 9 – Eddie the Head – We’ll provide some extra-strength cologne in your barracks room. Please feel free to use as much as you need. That may be a threat.

• 8 – Blaidd the Half-Wolf – A wolf is a wolf, even when you take away his armor and oversized magical swords. But will he be the hunter or the hunted?

• 7 – Chaos Agent Rory – He is aware that business casual would have sufficed for this, yes? (Sir, he’s a penguin... That’s just his feather coloring.) What on earth is a penguin?!

• 6 – Kiryu & Majima – A mad dog and a dragon. Two for the price of one? My, my, what a deal. I do hope they know there won’t be much time for singing and drinking once the fighting starts, though.

• 5 – King Shark – I like this one. He’s a bit dumb, but then again so was an old stagehand I knew, and he was a delightful chap. Although, do make sure to put some ‘do not feed the animals’ signs out on the island, won’t you?

• 4 – Superman – Are you regretting your decision to come here yet, Clark? There’s surely more good you could be doing out there than fretting over me and my games.

• 3 – Coda Nitai – I will be quite looking forward to your performance reviews after this event, miss Nitai. Make sure to wear proper shoes out there, won’t you?

• 2 – Flak – Please tell me he isn’t going to browbeat his opposition into submission with strongly-worded scathing letters. What? Too clever? Not clever enough? I swear…

• 1 – Zayin – Be not angered, you sad little lost cherub. This contest will actually have some meaning. Maybe you’ll even last long enough to find out what that meaning is, hmm?