Dr. McNinja VS Aquarius

[Dr. McNinja]

We’ve agreed on everything over Discord. We’re doing 5 posts each, obviously 1000 words. The setting is the haunted woods directly outside of Doc’s clinic, which for the sake of this fight will not be weaponized. Ezrihel has agreed to judge.

Dr. McNinja groaned as he stretched. The cold forest air was nice and crisp, and there was a pleasant breeze outside. The glass front door of the clinic creaked as it swung behind the doctor.

“Listen, Peter, I know you always say there’s an intruder every time the sensors ring up, but that’s simply not possible-“

Not that Doc was complaining too much. Doing regular clinic work was always so boring, and this gave him the chance to just step outside and relax for once.

Perhaps not today, though. Doc looked to the side. And there was the threat. Some sort of metallic skeleton creaked as the figure limped towards the clinic. Its face was largely covered by incandescent red light which blocked all view. Doc squinted.

“Neat,” he called out, “Are you a robot?”

“I am Aquarius,” the figure said, its voice scratchy and steely, “And I am your death.”

Doc nodded. “Angry ghost robot. Cool. I don’t super treat robots, though? I know a good biomechanic if you need help-“

“Disrespectful cur,” Aquarius snarled, “Weak filth like you do not belong in my realm.

“Peter,” Dr. McNinja shouted, “Seal the clinic. Inform the patients of the threat, and tell them I’ll have this dealt with shortly- OH MY GOODNESS”

While Doc was giving out the instructions, Aquarius had lunged forward with deceptive speed. It swung a long metallic pole down, aiming for Doc’s skull. For such a lanky old thing, it was quite fast. Dr. McNinja drew his blade as fast as he could, parrying the attack. Now that Doc was able to process what was going on, he noticed the crackling noise coming from either end of the weapon.

Doc grunted as he held his bladeup with his other hand against Aquarius’ strength. “I know you’re a robot, but that was rude.”

In one fluid motion, Doc pushed the weapon to the side while twisting his torso. Using Aquarius’ downward force against him, Doc forced the machine’s weapon into the ground, sending sizzling sounds as the electrical weapon signed the grassy ground. Doc followed it up with a flying spin kick to Aquarius’ head.

Aquarius grunted and stumbled to the side. Dr. McNinja made whooping noises as he entered an exaggerated fighting stance.

“You think the ninja mask’s for fun, metal boy?” Doc cheered, “It’s not! It’s very uncomfortable and I’d rather not wear it!”

Aquarius, clearly uninterested, gripped his bo staff again and lunged once more at the doctor. Doc leaned back to dodge this attack, then used the momentum to launch himself backward. Aquarius didn’t hesitate to follow up with a flurry of swings, which Doc managed to dodge with some effort. With each attack from the machine, Dr. McNinja calculated its trajectory and stepped where the attack wouldn’t be. Every time the robot feinted, Doc responded by pretending to fall for it while watching for the actual attack. The pair danced for a handful of seconds, the physician tantalizingly close to being struck during each of them.

“There are innocent patients here, Aquarius, so is there any chance you’d be okay with us taking this elsewhere?”

“NONE ARE INNOCENT!”

“That’s an interesting claim. I posit that innocence is relative, and not absolute-“

Too cocky. Dr. McNinja noticed Aquarius lifting his right knee for a kick, so he stepped to the left. At the last second, however, Aquarius pivoted his left foot, and launched his right foot into a sidekick, clocking Doc in the side of his ribs. Doc tumbled briefly on the grass before rolling to his feet.

“Okay,” the physician sighed, “Come on, let’s do this. You think I won’t go nuts on a robot?”

Dr. McNinja flourished his blade and grit his teeth. Aquarius seemed to smirk, before whirling around his weapon and entering a combat stance himself.

The two warriors stared at each other, their coats and robes twitching in the breeze.

Dr. McNinja snorted, then reached into his coat. He threw a smoke bomb onto the ground. Aquarius, seeing the movement, lunged forward again, spinning the buzzing quarterstaff in a wide arc through the smoke. His weapon dissected the fog, and it dissipated quickly in the breeze… but Dr. McNinja was nowhere to be seen.

Aquarius’ eyes clicked and whirred as the automaton started looking around. He didn’t see any magical energy, so this was some mundane sleight-of-hand trick. How pitiful. Though a measly organic being might be affected by such trickery, did this “doctor” truly believe that these deceptions would work on-

A pair of sharp projectiles shot past him, clipping him on the shoulder and cheek. Aquarius snarled as he whipped around to see who had thrown them. Gone.

The automaton bent down to see what had pierced him so. His eyes narrowed as he picked up one of them. Mechanical fluid dripped from the open cut on his cheek.

“This,” Aquarius sighed, “is a frozen weed.”

This time, Aquarius heard the telltale whistle of airborne projectiles. With expert agility, the machine knocked them out of the air with his staff, then started scanning the battlefield again for that annoying doctor.

Doc smirked as he stood directly behind Aquarius. God, he loved ninja tricks. Dr. McNinja lifted his katana and prepared to slash as the back of Aquarius’ neck.

887 words.

 

[Aquarius]

With what must have been trained precision and bloated strength the katana cut through a half inch of Aquarius' neck before he could move away from the blade's impact. This figure that the machine had considered to be a mockery of ability and talent had slashed his cold flesh without so much as a second thought. This doctor, whoever he was, was a very real threat. This attempt at a small incursion on this clinic was proving the might of the people that surrounded him in no small gesture.

Dr. McNinja wasn't finished it seemed, as Aquarius had turned around to see him no longer there. Just a cloud of what seemed to be smoke that refused to follow the logic of the world they resided in. Aquarius swung wide with The Teeth through the smoke to discover there was indeed no one there.

"Must I explain to you what a ninja does?!" Was all Aquarius heard before the wire of a grappling hook wrapped around his torso, and an exaggerated flying kick to the back of the machine's head sent him face down into the dirt, Dr. McNinja triumphantly standing atop him with his fists to his hip and his eyes to the sky.

"No really, do I need to? It doesn't seem you quite get the pic-" Again, the hubris of the doctor being his own downfall, no matter how worth it it was. Aquarius clearly displayed no interest in his comical musing as their positions seemed to shift. The automaton spun around whilst beneath the doctor, causing McNinja to lose his balance. The wire connecting them both kept McNinja exactly where Aquarius wanted him to be. Before the doctor could retract his grappling hook an end of The Teeth shot into his stomach, sending volts through his whole body.

"B-O-Y-H-O-W-D-Y-D-O-E-S-T-H-I-S-S-U-C-K." The doctor managed to stutter out as he was electrocuted.

"Please do not misunderstand," Aquarius began. "Your reaper or not, I feel no ire towards you. You stood and fought as so many would flee in the face of me. That alone makes you worthwhile. Accept your warriors death with honor, you've earned it."

Dr. McNinja more or less blocked that entire sentiment out after the first word, but it was what it was. All he was focused on was his own rhetoric. A very, very important one.

"I-I-I-I-If..."

"Hmm?" Aquarius could barely make out what was being said by the shocked, shaking man.

"THERE'S SOMETHING STRANGE, IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD." Dr. McNinja's voice broke through with alarming clarity, surprising Aquarius. The automaton had no time to revel in this feeling before the holy grail of bitch slaps came across his glowing eye, a wave of enormous ki being channeled through the palm of the doctor. Once Aquarius had been standing, now he was leaving a shoulder shaped crevice in the ground below him. Upon impact, it seemed that Aquarius had ceased functionality.

Dr. McNinja swiftly retracted his grappling hook and stood proudly over the unconscious robot. The electrocution that had been sent through him left the doctor with a cartoonish and large afro, one that seemingly grew over his ninja mask. It really wasn't worth exploring beyond these couple of sentences.

The doctor wiped his hands triumphantly, "Well, easiest fight TODAY at the very least," before he turned to walk away.

"It is truly unfortunate."

Dr. McNinja stopped at the sound of the whispy, low hum of a voice returning to life. He craned his neck to see the mechanical samurai standing up yet again, even after that devastating blow.

"That it has to come to this, doctor."

The doctor watched as the machine tossed the staff, now bent from their clash, and pulled a short hilt out from his flowing coat. Aquarius pressed a small indent on the hilt and a surge of red energy shot forth from it. A curved blade of gnarled electricity and fusion now held by the tyrannical robot glowed brightly in the forests dull backdrop.

"IS THAT A LASER SWORD?"

Not a half second after the doctor's question escaped his mask, Aquarius was in front of him.

"Indeed." The retort was only followed by a nigh invisible slash to the doctor's stomach, a large burn mark appearing where the sword had cut. Through the swings momentum Aquarius continued his assault, bring the back of his hell to Dr. McNinja's temple and returning the favor of slamming him into the dirt. The machine held the sword upward in an arc as his foot held the doctor's head to the ground.

"Farewell, dear interloper." Aquarius swung with all his might downward.

WC: 769

 

[Dr. McNinja]

“Farewell, dear interloper,” Aquarius said as he swung down.

“Nope!” Dr. McNinja bellowed victoriously as he threw his next smoke bomb directly at Aquarius’ face. Aquarius flinched for a second. His intensely powerful eyes whirred and clicked as they tried their best to remove the particles of saltpeter.

When Aquarius finally managed to grind out the last of the intrusive particles in his eyes, he finally noticed that he was no long stepping on Dr. McNinja’s head, but a plushie of some sort of dark-skinned human male with golden chains.

Aquarius almost wanted to chuckle as his foot crushed down, shredding the stuffed doll of Mr. T. “Dishonorable, but I respect your skill.”

The ancient warrior took a moment to peer around, his eyes warbling as he scanned his environment. There was practically an overload of information of each blade of grass and… trees apparently absolutely ridden with specters.

Ah, and the doctor himself, attempting to sneak up from behind.

“Unfortunately, Doctor,” Aquarius said, spinning around and gripping onto McNinja’s blond afro, “I do not fall for the same trick twice.”

Aquarius released his sword for a second. As Doc swung his arm to throw another smoke bomb, Aquarius caught the limb with his other hand, and squeezed to crush Doc’s arm.

Unfortunately, Aquarius now had no way of landing a killing blow. So he conceded to a solid kick in Doc’s gut, doing further damage to the scorched gash across his chest.

Doc flew back, tumbling on the grass and spewing blood everywhere. He bounced three times before landing on his knees. He was no stranger to life-threatening injuries, but this cut in his chest was definitely going to need dealing with. Also, ow, Doc, never land on your knees, how could you have forsaken your ninja training?

…you even forgot that ninjas should never engage an opponent in an open space.

Aquarius picked up his sword again, and the blade flared with angry red light. He swung it a few times in the air, and the sword seemed to boil all the moisture in the air as it sliced.

“I still can’t believe you have a laser sword,” Doc mumbled as he reached into his coat, “That’s so fucking cool.”

“Aesthetics have no place in this universe,” Aquarius chimed, “There is only strength. You may be skilled, ninja, but you are just a human. Weak, and fragile.”

Doc smirked. “Oh, I’m not just a ninja.”

Aquarius must have been expecting another smoke bomb, but Dr. McNinja instead flung a flurry of frozen shamrocks forward. Aquarius, looking as startled as a murderbot could, knocked one projectile out again, but couldn’t defend against the other, which thudded into its shoulder. As Aquarius wondered how a frozen plant could possibly dent and damage enchanted steel this easily, he realized he was too distracted to keep an eye on the disappearing doctor.

Before the machine could find Doc again, McNinja slid across the grass and, catching his momentum, swept at Aquarius’ knees. Aquarius fell down on his face, grunting irritably. He tried to roll over onto his back to defend against what surely was going to be a series of ground-n-pound attacks, but Doc was somersaulting in the air to the other end of Aquarius. When he landed, he latched onto Aquarius’ metallic feet, and started spinning in place.

To Aquarius’ great surprise, Doc was now generating enough force to pick the heavy machine off the ground and spin him around at a bewildering speed. Aquarius quickly recovered from the shock, but before he could retaliate, Doc released Aquarius’ feet, and the machine flew deep into the haunted woods. At Doc’s estimation, Aquarius would have flown about 20 meters.

Doc dusted off his hands. “I’m also a doctor.”

Dr. McNinja reached into his pockets and drew his vial of Leprechaun Gold-Foil Vaseline. He uncorked the bottle, and started dabbing the greasy balm across his palm. Doc hissed to himself as he dabbed the miracle cure against his burnt cut. The burns were hardly affected, but the gash itself started to close at an alarming rate. Cool. No more bleeding.

“Ugh, that’s not gonna keep him down, is it?”

On cue, a tree in the woods screamed holy murder as its dormant spirit shrieked into the sky.

“Well,” Doc mumbled, “the ghosts are awake now. This is not going to make any of this easier.”

Dr. McNinja drew his sword and jogged into the haunted woods.

Meanwhile, Aquarius was gripping onto the haunted piece of wood with some amount of struggle. A spectral tether attached the lumber to the shrieking spirit of a little girl with pigtails, eyes rolled back and mouth wide open revealing many ghostly fangs.

“What trickery is this?!” Aquarius snarled.

“PLAY WITH ME FOREVER” the little girl shrieked.

“WHAT”

“She wants you to play with her forever,” another voice said calmly.

Aquarius whirled around, tossing aside the haunted lumber. He caught Doc’s fist out of the air, and threw the doctor aside. McNinja landed against a tree safely, smirking.

“Welcome to the haunted woods behind my office! There are an unreasonable amount of ghosts here,” Doc chirped, “They don’t seem to like you very much.”

Even as he said that, a spectral arm wrapped around Doc’s throat, choking him from behind against the tree he was hanging onto.

“YOU DON’T BELONG HERE,” the spirit of an old man growled ferally.

“Marcus Thompson?” Doc cried out, “I live next-door, Marcus!”

“YOU DON’T BELONG HERE.”

Doc snapped, “I live here! YOUR DAUGHTER BRINGS ME CUPCAKES EVERY WEEK FOR FIXING YOUR WIFE’S ARTHRITIS-“

The spirit of Marcus tossed Doc to the ground angrily, and the physician landed on his feet. He looked at Aquarius warily. The machine glared back at him, his murderous intent no more quenched than it had been before the situation changed.

“I may have made a mistake,” Doc mumbled.

983 words. Used 1 Focus on Ninja Strength to throw Aquarius into the haunted woods, and we will now BOTH be harassed by the restless dead.

 

[Aquarius]

“Is it in all of human nature to worsen every scenario they are a part of?” Aquarius‘ voice was filled with much more irritation than fear. His eyes panned over the shapes of the undead that now hissed and shambled towards them. Such an unbelievable drag this man was becoming.

”LOOK PAL,” The doctor retorted with his own inflection of frustration, ”I thought with all my heart that MARCUS,” McNinja paused for a moment to look at the ghost that had thrown him to the ground with eyes of disappointment, “would have been a bit more neighborly after all we’d been through, so I expected him to attack you but leave me alone!”

There was a moment of silence as Aquarius looked at the doctor a bit puzzled. Then something rather unexpected happened. Aquarius laughed. He laughed uproariously giving even the phantoms among them a shiver down their spines. It did not impede them though. They marched towards the two of them steadily as the machine continued to cackle in its droning and emotionless way.

“YOU DON’T BELO-“

”I heard your atrocious voice the first time. Laying claim to land that you’ve perished in as if you have a right to it. Even in death you humans still know how to be tyrants.“ Aquarius turned his sword off and sheathed the hilt, now lifting the arms of his robe up in rolls.

”Uh, hey, I don’t think they’re thinking that deeply about it, they’re ghosts.” The doctor interjected, watching Aquarius closely while gripping his sword tight. He’d seen enough to know that any odd actions from this machine could be disastrous. He wasn’t wrong to think that.

“I believe,” The automaton rose his hand towards the ghosts, his palm facing outward towards this so-called Marcus’ face.

”It is your instinct.”

In a flash, an orb of gold shot from the palm of the robot straight into the path of the ghosts. It caused a vacuum of air to follow it and contorted the spirits it passed through. Not only that, but it left a scorched wound through all the trees it collided with and knocked some of them to the dirt.

“Whoa, whoa, super saiyan! I know he was being a dick but this is our fight not theirs! Don’t involve th- OH GOD.”

As McNinja spoke, in classic fashion, he hadn’t noticed that Aquarius had crossed his arm across his stomach. His other palm now pointed directly at the doctor. The blast released and Dr. McNinja made it known just how fast he was, evading the attack with nary a centimeter between them. The orb sailed forward and collided with the clinic. Shrieks of patients could be heard even this far out.

The doctor looked towards his place of work with a combination of fear and rage brewing in his eyes. There were sick people in there. People he was there to help make better. If any of them were injured from this machines recklessness…

”Do not fret, doctor, I’ve only made your job easi-“ Aquarius was not allowed to finish his sentence as two frozen clovers pierced through both of the machines eyes. McNinja glared at the robot with no love.

“I suppose I’m the fool for having trusted you were just a cool android rather than a malicious piece of machinery.”

”It isn’t as if you-“ Again, Aquarius was prevented from speaking. This time with a katana shoved straight through his palm and up his arm.

“I’m way over listening to you talk more shit.” Dr. McNinja spider-monkey‘d around Aquarius’ metal arm and judo threw him to the dirt below with a loud CLANG. He drew the sword out from the inside of the machines arm as if he was unsheathing it, the cannon that had blasted through his clinic now rendered useless. There was the other arm but he’d deal with that quickly.

As if Aquarius could hear the doctor’s thoughts he pointed his remaining cannon at McNinja, aiming to kill him finally and be done with this obnoxious fight. The orb of energy released, spiraling like it had come from a pitchers mound towards the doctor. Just as it was about to connect the doctor was once again gone in a puff of smoke.

The machine made to stand up and did so, being greeted with a horrifying feeling of air being pushed against his back.

”I’m not nearly as practiced as a surgeon,“

The doctors voice from behind him spoke just before the katana he held removed Aquarius’ arm from his shoulder.

“But it’ll have to do.”

Aquarius watched as his left arm flew off and hit the dirt with a soft thud. Dr. McNinja again nowhere to be seen. His opponent was seemingly popping in and out of existence, delivering devastating blow after devastating blow. It was annoying, now it was problematic.

Aquarius listened intently to the wind and trees. Gathered the knowledge of their patterns and for a moment only thought. The wind picked up again, as he’d expected it to. The doctor was on the offensive still after his small victories. A roundhouse kick from above him came into view and he blocked it with his remaining arm. Cannon or not, it was still an arm.

The machine waited for the doctor to land before he could throw more frozen plants Aquarius launched an unnervingly loud knee to the man’s stomach. The sounds of ribs being impacted. He punched McNinja square in the throat and then stomped into his ankle, making him fall forward. The doctors face met the same knee that had cracked his ribs and flew slightly upward before hitting the ground.

“No one, no matter how strong, can stand after that. But you already know that don’t you, doctor?”

961/1000

 

[Dr. McNinja]

Doc was unconscious for a handful of seconds before he found himself waking on the ground. Aquarius was mostly right, but Doc thought it might be nice to do a quick little analysis while he lay here.

Two of his ribs were fractured, and needed immediate attention. From what Doc could feel, it was the 6th rib bones on both sides. Oh, lovely, one of them is floating around in there. And is that…? Yes, that was a punctured aorta. Doc had minutes, if he was just going to lay down. Seconds, if he continued to move around too much.

Let’s see, what else? That was probably a concussion Doc was having just now, given how unconscious he was.

Okay, let’s speed this up, the murderbot is getting closer. Is that a broken nose? It was certainly bleeding, but… no, after wiggling his nose a bit, he realized that his nose was fine.

How about his right ankle? Ah, that’s a problem. It wasn’t broken - there was none of that trademark clicking noise that betrayed a cracked bone. For example, his ribs were outright rattling as Doc struggled to breathe. However, the ankle was definitely sprained - with his physical training, Doc could probably keep walking on it while resisting the pain, but it’d be difficult to pull anything more strenuous than that.

Flesh wounds. This was nothing. This robot just shot up his clinic.

Nobody gets to survive that.

From what Doc could see and hear, Peter was probably already all over treating any injured patients and calling the guard. They’d take 20 minutes to arrive so they could get slaughtered by Aquarius here, but it was good to do this for legal reasons.

Ugh, there was a tree root digging into his back, jabbing directly into his shoulder muscles.

“That’s gonna make my shoulder stiff later,” Doc amused himself, “Hehe.”

Maybe you should worry more about defending your life, the voice in his head said.

“Good point,” Doc groaned.

Before Dr. McNinja could reach into his coat for the appropriate medicine (and probably some painkillers, because OW), Aquarius was already lifting him by the chin and pinned him against a nearby tree.

“You are an impressive warrior,” Aquarius snarled, spewing some sort of strange fluid from his wounds, “for a human. Even now, in your crippled state, you attempt to fight.”

Doc gagged slightly, but couldn’t struggle too hard. Damn, on any other day, he’d snap this robot’s arm or high-kick its head off. Unfortunately, he needed a pretty intact ribcage to do any of those things.

“I made the mistake of delaying the final blow when I last had you in my hands,” Aquarius said, “But I think I’ll just beat you to death this time.”

Doc grinned. “You and what arm?”

Aquarius rolled his eyes. Using that moment, Doc started muttering again, but Aquarius seized his hand tightly. His already damaged throat now being fully crushed, Doc stopped humming and started gagging for breath. Aquarius narrowed his eyes.

“Ah, of course. You mortals need a steady supply of oxygen. I suppose I could just strange you like this-“

“Sparklelord,” Doc wheezed.

Aquarius cocked his head in confusion. Less than a second later, a white motorcycle with a rainbow splayed on the side fell from the sky with a magical flourish, knocking Aquarius down to the ground.

“There must be less dire times you can summon me,” Sparklelord snarked, its headlights seemingly inspecting Doc’s dire condition.

Dr. McNinja coughed and sputtered in response as he tried to catch his breath. Not giving him the luxury, Sparklelord’s handlebars tucked under Doc’s arms, and Doc instinctively latched on, launching the bike deeper into the woods. Aquarius struggled to his feet, his metallic mouth screeching in frustration.

Doc swallowed the potion he “found” off a mage that tried to attack him that one time. It was labeled Skelegro. Perhaps Doc should have done some analysis to see what the potion actually did before so desperately needing it. Ah, who cares, bottoms up.

“Thanks for coming on such short notice,” Doc said, now focusing on actually controlling Sparklelord.

“Words cannot describe how much it would have delighted me to not intervene and watch you perish,” Sparklelord growled, “But I am bound to your word and cannot ignore your call.”

“Love you too, boo.”

“One day, I will break free of your control and force you to watch the things you love burn-“

“Uh huh,” Doc said as he put a small mechanical brace on his ankle. Okay, that might help a bit, actually, but perhaps it was time to reconsider kicking this thing. The sword’s been working really well, in fact, why was Doc kicking at all?

Dr. McNinja braked the front wheel hard and suddenly, causing the bike to flip forwards. Sparklelord instinctively aimed the somersaulting motorcycle into a particularly durable tree branch. The back tire landed against it. The tree branch bent backwards, and then snapped back into place, slingshotting Sparklelord and its rider back in the direction of Aquarius.

“Why do we reengage with your attacker?” Sparklelord said.

Doc coughed as he felt one of his ribs snap back into place. “It’s a murderbot. It’s probably going after my patients, if only just to lure me back.”

“Then surely you should not allow yourself to be lured back.”

“Can’t let them get hurt,” Doc said, gritting his teeth as the bike vaulted over a fallen tree, “Not while I’m still standing.”

“May I remind you that you were very much not standing when I found you-“

“Shush.”

Dr. McNinja drew his sword as Sparklelord’s engines roared, filling the haunted woods and stirring many more of the ghosts nearby.

“I’m going to stab you,” Doc muttered as he laid eyes on Aquarius making his way towards the clinic, “So. Many. Times.”

977/1000 words

I was realizing I didn’t actually account for how Doc summons Sparklelord in my description? I will amend that later.

 

[Aquarius]

At the end of the day, Aquarius had had a mission. Cripple the clinic. If it was in a state incapable of helping those here it would mean no recovery for those that he opposed. Maybe it was a blessing he’d run into Dr. McNinja. He now had the opportunity to be rid of the one who made the others stronger. Always kill the healer first.

His stride was natural but his mind was clouded. Fixing the cannon in his arm and a complete repair of his other arm were going to be obnoxious tasks. He spent so much time making them in that blasted cave and now they were torn to shreds by this doctor. All that would be needed would be McNinja killed and this place up in smo-

VRRRRRRRRWHAM

The front wheel of Sparklelord came down onto Aquarius’ spine as sparks and mud flew in tandem, Aquarius being buried beneath the volatile murk. The doctor and Sparklelord both atop the machine as the bore down on him. McNinja stood from his position and aimed his katana downward with the intent to return Excalibur to its stone.

As promised, the doctor aimed for the machines head. It had to end; now. The machine would sufficiently win a battle of attrition as its stamina and need for rest were, well, quite literally inhuman. He stabbed for Aquarius’ neck but met mud as the sparks obscured his vision and the automaton’s head moved ever so slightly to the side.

With all the machine’s might, Aquarius grasped the now muddy sword and hurled it forward and out of reach.

“Noooooo!” Dr. McNinja called out in a very sarcastic, whiny voice. “Whatever will I do!” The doctor ripped a piece of his sleeve and tied down the throttle of Sparklelord to ensure Aquarius would still be dug into the earth below and shredded to mechanical pieces before hopping off to retrieve his weapon.

Aquarius seized his moment of reprieve and reached down to unsheathe his sword hilt once more.

“What do you know of the stars, bike?”

”Huh?” Sparklelord responded.

“Have you, in your entire life, ever watched a constellation die?”

”I don’t understand what you’re getting a-“

Sparklelord was interrupted by a loud whir and bright red energy being pierced through its tire. It let out a loud and shaky whinny as the electricity that sparked was sucked into Aquarius’ frame. It strengthened him enough to stand up once more even with the bike on his back, and flung it off of him.

Meanwhile McNinja had retrieved his katana and wiped the mud from it. It was still in decent condition after all it had been through. That was a relief.

“Mayhaps we stop with the tricks, doctor.“

Dr. McNinja turned to see Aquarius about twenty feet away, his red blade shimmering alongside his cracked red eye. The doctors katana shined in the ever present moonlight while the wreckage of his clinic stood tall and damaged behind him. The bike lay behind Aquarius sputtering from the electricity stolen from it.

“You’re just gonna let him do away with Sparklelord that easy?”

Are you talking to me?

”Yeah you, you fuck! That was such a cool moment and it’s just over? Like that?”

Can you please not address me directly?

”Whatever. I’ll get him back.“

Um, well, Dr. McNinja and Aquarius stood staring at one another. The area they stood now open. No trees to hide behind. Only each other.

This would be a clash. The kind you’d hear about in folklore or stories of old. Eyes narrowed, swords crossed.

Aquarius initiated the duel. A rush towards the doctor with a furious vertical slash downward. A lazy sidestep from the doctor made the attack look pedestrian as he retorted with a diagonal cross of his own, severing even deeper into the open wound of Aquarius’ missing arm.

The follow up was swift. A knee to the doctor’s testicles left him barely able to block the incoming swipe at his head. The swords met and to McNinja‘s surprise his katana didn’t evaporate. They met as steel would to opposing steel. As the blood red sparks flew, McNinja dragged his sword to Aquarius‘ hand while narrowly avoiding the incoming blade. The cut towards Aquarius caused the machine to drop his weapon.

Then, follow through. Three consecutive swipes to the automatons chest made him fumble and lurch backwards a bit. The doctor took this chance to get some distance and catch his breath. Even if it meant Aquarius would retrieve his sword. As the doctor prepared for the next rush, a voice broke through.

“D-doctor?” A meager, tiny voice said from behind him. It was Lizzy. A girl of eight, fell ill while her family brushed the sickness off. He turned and saw her room was one of those afflicted by the robots comet.

“Lizzy, I’ll be back soon, okay? Please go find Peter he’ll help you!”

”But I’m scared, doctor. All of a sudden there was a big boom and I was falling off the ground.”

The doctor choked back tears.

“I know, Lizzy, but it isn’t sa-AHHHHHHHH!” The doctor and Lizzy screamed simultaneously as the red beam of Aquarius’ blade pierced through McNinja’s hip.

“So strong. And cursed with such weak kindness. The thing that sees you killed today.“

886/1000

 

[Dr. McNinja]

Doc fell to one knee as his hip finally surrendered to the numbing pain of his open wound. It sizzled a harsh red light that glared against the night.

Lizzie watched, horrified, before Doc tumbled into her. Aquarius’ burning blade scorched the grass where the little girl was standing moments ago

“I know you’re scared, Lizzie,” Doc grunted, his shoulders tense with so much pain, “But you need to get back inside. And tell Peter to activate the shields.”

Lizzie shivered. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to-“

“It’s okay, Lizzie,” Doc said, scanning the battlefield for ANY solutions, “But I need you to run. NOW.”

Lizzie sprinted towards the clinic as fast as her little legs could take her. Aquarius lunged after her, but Doc was already winding up his grappling hook. He caught the malicious android out of the air, stopping his momentum, and Aquarius crashed onto the ground.

Aquarius spun around, seemingly satisfied with distracting Doc thusly. This only made McNinja angrier, and the physician pulled hard on the cable. Aquarius bared his sword as he flew forward, prepared to counter the inevitable follow-through attack. However, Doc was already tumbling below him, and while Aquarius could have sworn that he had made contact with Doc’s back, the sword didn’t seem to carve into his soft flesh.

“Missed me,” Doc said as he pulled on the cable again with expert technique. Aquarius, who was tethered to the cable, suddenly felt his body jerk hard to the ground, slamming his already smashed face into the dirt.

While Aquarius recovered, Dr. McNinja limped over to his mangled motorcycle. The frame was mysteriously completely undamaged, even gleaming in the firelight, but its front tire was still busted.

“You good to run?” Doc groaned.

“My tire is damaged. I cannot safely navigate.

“Yeah, not looking for safety,” Doc groaned as he propped up the motorcycle.

The motorcycle roared loudly again as Doc tied his cable to Sparklelord’s handlebars. Aquarius was now sprinting from behind him, cable still tied around his waist.

“Let’s see if you can keep up with me,” Doc said, squeezing hard on the throttle.

Sparklelord jerked forward, its front wheel wobbling dangerously. Doc lifted the bike to drive forward in a wheelie, though this was dangerous as well. Aquarius was having much less fun behind, dragging and tumbling on the rough ground at 60 miles per hour.

Dr. McNinja drove the bike into a field that was a safer distance from the clinic, where he wouldn’t be heckled by the most ungrateful patients, or interrupted by adorable ones. He jerked the bike to the side, jumping off as he did. Sparklelord slid forward, and Aquarius flew through the air and landed hard on the ground.

“Please be dead,” Doc groaned, “Please be dead please be-“

Aquarius stumbled to his feet, laser sword glowing angrily. The machine found Doc’s cable wrapped around his waist, and dragged his burning blade across the wire, snapping it in half.

“Of course you’re not.”

Dr. McNinja unspooled the cable from his prone motorcycle. It no longer had the hook (thanks to Aquarius), so he couldn’t use it to toss around the robot anymore. But there was something else…

Doc knotted his cable tightly around the handle of his katana, and gave the cable a few test swings. He was always a fan of using the kyoketsu-shoge in his training days.

With a dangerous whistle through the air, Doc’s blade glinted brightly in the moonlight in a silvery arc. Aquarius grinned manically as he gripped his blade with both hands, staring at the physician from 15 feet away. Doc kept the blade swinging at a steady pace in a vertical circle.

No words were exchanged. Doc didn’t have any left.

As Aquarius took a forward step, Dr. McNinja hurled his blade forward, but gripped it so that the blade would fly just short of the machine’s reach. Predictably, Aquarius swung his blade to parry. Doc responded by tugging hard on the wire, retracting it to his side, before slingshotting it back to Aquarius. Despite his practiced reflexes, Aquarius was still busy recovering from his heavy swing, and Doc’s blade thudded into his shoulder. With another tug, the sword snapped back to Doc’s side as quickly as it had embedded into Aquarius’ body.

Aquarius looked at his opponent with an impressed expression while Doc returned to his steady rhythm of swinging the blade around. The android hadn’t closed any distance.

“I see you’re a trained warrior,” Aquarius commented, “Why do you waste your days protecting the weak?”

“If I had a nickel for every time my parents asked me that,” Dr. McNinja groaned, “I wouldn’t need to run a practice in the first place.”

“You’re deflecting my question with a distracting anecdote.”

“What are you, my therapist?” Doc snarled as he swung his blade around again, “C’mon, let’s get crazy.”

Aquarius responded with a surge forward. Doc could see Aquarius was prepared for another chest strike, so swung his sword forward, sweeping for the android’s legs. Aquarius noticed the trajectory, and hopped slightly to dodge the blow. A mistake. In another swift motion, Doc flung the last of his frozen shamrocks at the airborne mech. Aquarius managed to deflect them, but had to land without striking to compensate.

Still, Aquarius was now closer, which did put Doc at a slight disadvantage. Doc retreated slightly, yanking his sword back as he did. The android caught the sword out of the air, and pulled hard. Doc, who was hanging on the cable, felt himself getting pulled forward. Doc landed into a combat roll, just barely dodging an otherwise devastating stab from Aquarius’ glowing sword. McNinja gripped the grass tightly as he swept Aquarius’ leg. With a hard kick off of the robot, Doc yanked his cable, summoning his sword back into his hand. The physician tumbled back to generate more distance.

Dr. McNinja felt his organs screaming in protest. He didn’t have much time left.

998 words. Used 1 Focus to combine my Grappling Hook and Ninja Scalpel into a makeshift kyoketsu-shoge.

 

[Aquarius]

At the beginning of the bout Aquarius found the theatrics and improvisation of Doc's combat styling to be rather childish and wasteful. It was clear at this point that this tactic was something unpredictable and strange, yet in the hands of this doctor-ninja hybrid it flowed beautifully.

He was beginning to feel sad that this man had to die. Their fight had placed Aquarius in a dangerous field. Offered him the need to think quickly and watch directions his eye wouldn't allow.

He loved it. In its entirety, this fight was everything to Aquarius.

With one arm the machine pushed himself off the ground and rose again, deactivating Ganymede. Doc was not far from him but still a respectable distance and clearly trying to keep himself up. He was human, after all. Humans had their limits. But this man had pushed beyond natural limits to face him. To protect what he believed in. THAT was something they could agree upon.

"Be my ally." The machine blurted. "You have shown so much talent and strength, why not join me to rewrite history into its former glory."

The doctor spit blood to the grass with his eyebrows raised. "Uhhh let's go down the list here, pal. You blew up my place of work, threatened a child to get to me, deforested the entire area. Whatever your path is, I'm not interested. You're pretty evil, dude."

"A pity." Aquarius responded with a shake of his head. The robot flew forward at surprising speed considering his wounds. Enough to shock the doctor back to reality. Another smoke bomb thrown but this time his wounds were far too dire. Aquarius caught him by the mouth and threw him back into the haunted woods. The machine seemed to keep pace with McNinja's volatile trajectory and ran just below where the doctor was flung.

McNinja was a lot of things, but he wasn't a quitter. Once his flight ended him in the tree line he caught a branch with both hands and vaulted over it, bringing both feet into Aquarius' chest. The robot was clotheslined completely by the drop kick and fell flat on his back. McNinja took the moment to reset, and draw his blade once more. As Aquarius had so many times before, he attempted to push himself off the ground. When he placed his hand downward, however, he felt a familiar shape.

The Teeth he'd discarded. They were where they had originally fought. The machine stood up slowly, lifting the dented bo staff and then slammed it hard into the dirt. He kicked it with ferocity and it bent back into place. He then slammed the handle of Ganymede down upon it, locking it into the bo staff.

"You've inspired me, doctor."
Aquarius turned the sword on. Then the electrical charge from the bo staff caught up to it. Blue lightning wrapped the red energy blade from the sword on top and he lifted it by the handle of the staff.

A long and gnarled naginata now in the robot's hand.

He one handed the long spear-like weapon and lunged with a predictable stab to the center of McNinja. Not being able to make fancy decisions the doctor evaded just as predictably, and felt the air shift as Aquarius spun to match him. The now extended handle of the deadly laser weapon smacked McNinja straight in the back of the head. He still stood but his ears rang.

He tossed more shamrocks towards the machine but it was futile now. The distance advantage he had was now made smaller due to the elongation of Aquarius' weapons. He watched the shamrocks be deflected with almost no effort. This machine was adaptable and that was a problem. This new weapon was a problem. This entire situation was a problem.

There was one thing he could do that he thought of in this moment. If it would be enough, well. We'll see.

The doctor would have to make a sacrifice.
He threw another smoke bomb, knowing what would happen. And it did. The blade of Ganymede the Naginata grazed his arm. The burning of the energy and the shock of staff in tandem felt like a pain he'd hope to never know again. But he was passed it.

Now came the hard part. Aquarius would know for sure he'd come from behind. There had to be a work around. McNinja still did go behind him. The machine did a long backwards slice horizontally, just as the doctor had hoped. It was dodged by McNinja sliding between the machine's legs. When he stood back up, he hugged the robot by the waist as hard as he could. He looked up to a tall tree, and then he did it.

Both of them were now teleported to the top of a tree. However based on the doctor's landing, he was now hugging Aquarius over open air.

"Later." The doctor said weakly as he dropped Aquarius from 40 feet above the ground.

832/1000 Used 1 Focus to combine Ganymede and The Teeth into Ganymede the Naginata

 

[Dr. McNinja]

As the machine tumbled to the ground, Dr. McNinja cackled. He crossed his arms, feet perched perilously on the top branch of the pine tree.

“That’s like forty, fifty feet, easy,” Doc thought to himself, “Gotta be dead now, right?”

All of a sudden, Doc’s ankle was wrapped with a squeezing sensation. Doc looked down, and noticed that the cable holding his sword had been wrapped around his leg. And holding the other end…

“Oh, dip,” Doc sighed as his leg slipped off the branch as Aquarius yanked Doc down.

“You’re coming with me,” the machine said.

Dr. McNinja grit his teeth as he twirled in the air. Out of projectiles, out of smoke bombs, great. Doc snatched his sword out of the air, and tumbled towards the mechanical monster.

Aquarius clasped onto Doc’s shoulders, and twisted to orient Dr. McNinja below him, probably hoping to land on top of Doc’s body. Dr. McNinja drew his katana and jammed it into Aquarius’ shoulder, and twisted it to the side. Aquarius’ head jerked to the side in a subconscious response - thank goodness, Aquarius still had a vaguely similar nervous system to humans.

While Aquarius’ head was turned, Dr. McNinja had already slipped out from between his hands. In a blur of motion that the machine couldn’t quite decipher, Aquarius found himself high in the sky, despite the fact that he was seconds from colliding with the dirt.

Aquarius lashed out with his arm, finding Doc’s neck. The physician yelped in surprise, and the duo continued to tumble down to the ground. Dr. McNinja grabbed at his sword, missing the handle the first time, but eventually finding it in a scramble of flailing arms.

“How the hell did you get here with me?” Dr. McNinja yelped as he jerked the blade again, turning Aquarius’ head.

While Aquarius was looking to the side, Doc had again teleported into the sky. Now that he was watching, McNinja realized that Aquarius was still tethered to him with the cable wrapped around his leg.

“Aww, son of a-“

Doc was interrupted with a vicious punch from Aquarius, which flung the physician across the woods. The cable wrapped around his ankle snapped taut. Aquarius felt the sword embedded in his shoulder jerk forward, and the robot unwillingly followed Dr. McNinja through the air.

McNinja crashed into a tree, denting the haunted bark and sending splinters flying. Doc tumbled upwards to avoid Aquarius, who landed where Doc had been seconds ago. The robot flew straight through the tree, and the top half began to tip over while Doc was still attached to it.

Both combatants attempted to stabilize their positions, but with the falling tree and the tether disabling their movement, they both tumbled uselessly onto the ground.

Dr. McNinja groaned in pain as Aquarius scrambled to his feet. The robot lifted his arm, and his palm crackled with deadly energy. The ball of energy soared through the air at nearly point-blank range, but Doc tumbled out of the way. The resulting explosion scorched Doc regardless, and blew the warrior back. This time, the momentum yanked Doc’s blade out of Aquarius’ shoulder, causing the robot to scream in pain.

Dr. McNinja pulled hard on the cable, retrieving his sword. Aquarius prepared another shot, but Dr. McNinja was prepared this time. The physician lifted the hem of his coat with his hand just as the next projectile collided with him, then turned his back and jumped the other way. In a burst of fire and smoke, the projectile landed square on his back, and Dr. McNinja was gone.

Aquarius sighed, his emotions complex. A point-blank blast from his Maw could disintegrate any human. While this doctor was a skilled warrior, there was no way he could have survived a direct blow from the-

Dr. McNinja’s blade jammed into Aquarius’ left shoulder. Aquarius snarled and turned around to see that Doc was… uninjured?

“How,” Aquarius grunted, “did you survive?”

“Shut up,” Dr. McNinja snarled as he kicked off of Aquarius’ back.

The sword followed Doc, violently wrenching out of Aquarius’ back. The robot responded by drawing his makeshift polearm, sweeping at Doc in a wide arc. Dr. McNinja fell to his knees and slid on the grass, the angry red blade just barely missing his face. Doc tumbled onto his feet, his left hand wrapped with a cable, and his right hand gripped onto the blade.

The pair were now about ten feet apart. They stared at each other as they circled their respective prey. Both of them were heavily injured, and their tumble through the trees wasn’t helping with either of their conditions.

Aquarius glared at McNinja. “We do not need to-“

“Yeah, yeah, we already did this,” Doc grunted, flinging his sword forward.

Aquarius deflected the blow with his polearm, and spun in place to stab at Doc. The glowing blade attached to the staff crackled with red electricity, but Dr. McNinja was already tumbling through the air to dodge it. Doc slipped behind Aquarius, and tugged at his cable. The sword that was flying through the air suddenly yanked back, its blade pointed at Aquarius.

Aquarius parried the blow successfully, but was unprepared for Doc’s next attack, a fierce low kick at Aquarius’ knees. Aquarius took the opportunity to jam the blunt end of his polearm into Doc, sending a burst of electricity rippling through McNinja’s body.

Dr. McNinja flew back, the cable jerking his sword back with him. Doc landed on his feet miraculously, catching his katana out of the air.

“Oof, I’m sleepy,” McNinja groaned. He pulled out an inhaler and jammed it under his mask, jerking in a breath through the medication. “Any chance you wanna continue this later?”

Aquarius swung his polearm around with trained precision, despite his various joints and pieces of armor crackling with static and leaking some sort of mechanical fluid.

“Yeah, alright,” Doc groaned, entering his rhythm again while flinging the sword in an arc, “Do-do-mi-do-re-te…”

999/1000 words

 

[Aquarius]

The doctor began to recite the words and Aquarius acted on impulse upon hearing it. The last time this physician made ninja had chanted it had turned him off completely. We couldn’t have a repeat of that, now could we? The machine leapt and charged with a mighty downward swing of the naginata to prevent Doc’s channeling without consideration of where he’d land. All in all it was a piss poor plan.

Doc evaded with ease which had been anticipated. What Aquarius hadn’t thought of, was what retaliation may come. At first he saw the gleam of honed steel shimmer in the moonlight as a celestial beacon of death.

Then, he saw nothing. Only heard the crackle of wires and frying electricity as the blade slammed straight into his giant red eye.

“This is where this ends, monster.”

Doc withdrew the blade from Aquarius’ eye and swung it hard at his neck. The lack of sight and now his hearing impeded by the sound of his own disfigurement made the blade swing almost imperceptible. However, he could still feel. And he felt the winds horrid whistle as it was scraped by this murderous scalpel. In a flash, Aquarius dropped the naginata and caught the blade inches from his neck.

His only remaining advantage was his arm, which was much less tired than the doctor‘s. He pushed hard and eventually won the resistance fight, shoving the blade away with great force. He had to think fast, knowing an opening had been made but he couldn’t see it. An estimation and calculated distance provided him with enough knowledge to gut punch the everliving hell out of McNinja.

Contact was made. Do not relent.

So Aquarius sung his final violent song. A melodic rapture as ethical as animals. Kill, devour, no more holding back. This was all he had left.

Verse I.

A back fist to the temple of the doctor followed by a roundhouse kick to push him again the opposite direction.

Chorus.

Aquarius grabbed the doctors collar and headbutt him, sharing pieces of frayed wire and broken glass with his skin.

Verse II.

A solid straight kick to his upper thigh left the doctor in perfect position to be punched across the jaw.

Chorus.

Aquarius grabbed the doctors collar and kneed him in the stomach, vomit spewing onto the machines leg.

Bridge.

A cloud of dirt kicked into the doctors eye acquired a scream from his lips as Aquarius tackled McNinja with one arm to the ground.

Verse III

Pinned by Aquarius’ legs the doctor was delivered repeated blows to the head by the one armed mechanical devil.

Chorus.

Aquarius grabbed the doctors collar and slammed his head into the ground.

Aquarius rose from his knelt position on the battered and bloodied doctor, certain of his victory. After all this torment and trial the man HAD to be dead. All those wounds, the mental strain of trying to protect his workplace and that wandering child. Facing ghosts and a machine born from an era of assassination and corruption.

In every sense of the word, this man was a hero.

Aquarius didn’t know how he felt about killing a hero. He hadn’t even expected such an amazing bout to begin with. The back and forth, and the give and take. The capabilities of this man were beyond anything a glance would have told him. He’d seemed a mockery. A jester wearing knights clothing. But he was more knight than any he’d met since he’d reawakened.

Aquarius turned to leave, unsure of his direction due to his lost eyesight. He would need exterior repairs now. This wouldn’t be an easy fix. He had to find his arm and his weapon. He would likely spend a great deal of time in this forest trying to recover.

As he took his first step, he heard the familiar sound of a raising blade. Aquarius turned to try and decipher it’s exact location.

“Shoulda double tapped.” A familiar voice with far more rasp than it had had precious called out.

The machine turned towards the voice. Completely unaware of the katana flying straight at his head.

689/1000

 

[Masahir N'air]

Hi y'all! I'll be using the official PvP conflict rubric located in the Writing Quality Bonuses of the rules, but swapping out 'Skill' for 'Voice' in this instance as I feel that a writer's Voice is an integral aspect, and it's a bit less subjective (in my opinion, at least).

I do think the 10,000 word combined maximum may have given you both 'too much' room in your pacing and structure in this fight. You both spent a lot of time describing the action sequence, but I felt as though I should have been seeing a bit more story-focus across all ten posts. There is very little in terms on concrete set-up within the thread, and I found myself really struggling to get "hooked" on the stakes and drama without understanding why this conflict was happening; inevitably the entire experience comes across as semi-ungrounded and very 'filler-esque' in it's pacing and nature. This forum is non-canon, but that doesn't mean conflicts should feel like they exist in an absolute, total vacuum.

I did really appreciate how things felt much more serious after Aquarius shot up Doc's Clinic, I enjoyed how it seemed to kick the fight into high gear. You both did a phenomenal job moving through the environment and utilizing the setting to do some totally SICKNASTY moves. The improv-weapons did a great job to illustrate that both sides were getting desperate to find leverage against the other and adapt to an ever changing situation. (And you did both indeed, beat the ever-living shit out of each other.)

I honestly would recommend doing either a smaller number of posts, or a shorter word limit, because there's only so many times you can read someone being stabbed in the same shoulder or having their legs swept out from under them, or being tossed around before it becomes relatively repetitive/dull. Remember that it is an option to allow "set-up" or pre-fight posts (that don't strictly need to conform to the fight-proper's rules) in order to better tell a story.

Repetition and flow are what's holding you both back in terms of your technical scores, in my opinion. While it is good for combat posts to be stylized in a way that makes them feel quick, the entire post/thread probably shouldn't be only quick, mechanical and dry "left foot to red" Twister descriptions— it gets dreadfully clinical to read thousands of words of pure combat positioning. I don't need to know every little movement your character makes, part of the joy of reading is letting your audience's imagination fill in some of the gaps, otherwise it can start reading like a technical fighting manual. Let the phrase "less is more" guide you in this regard.

I would suggest reading your posts out loud as you work on them (this will also help you catch any typos); if you stumble over your words or notice that it sounds stiff then you know to adjust the language that you're using to get a better rhythm. Also, I would recommend using different forms of punctuation to really accentuate that rhythm. Using hyphens(-) and em-dashes(—) can help bring attention to a pause or violent interruption, a semi-colon can serve to break up a thought from a small aside. Be stylistic and expressive with your punctuation and formatting, and as long as you are relatively consistent you will be fine.

Over all I had a fun time reading this thread, and I loved getting to know Aquarius better as a character especially! I liked seeing you both getting comfortable writing for each other's characters in such a short amount of time. You'd be surprised at how many folks can get shy about it in PvP settings.

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McNinja (24pts | 4.8 avg | Winner)

Quality: 4
Personally, I adored the section in the haunted woods with all the ghosts, Doc snarking and complaining about the undead and their lack of gratitude was pretty damn funny and absurd, and exactly on-brand for what I've come to expect from your writing.

Technical: 4
Take more time reading over your posts so you can catch those typos, Vis!

Realism: 4

Scale: 5
(See first quote.)

Voice: 7
You have a very distinctive voice and narration style, and I always have a ton of fun reading your posts. You have a firm handle on how to write McNinja, and it makes your writing really shine.​

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Aquarius (20pts | 4.0 avg)

Quality: 4
The meta-interruption in post #6 was a bit jarring and I found myself having to reread that part several times to make sense of what was actually happening. I think you could perhaps format or stylize breaks like that more, in order to make it more obvious that a narrative transition has happened, otherwise it throws a wrench into the flow of your post.

I really loved that you played along with Doc's cartoonish, absurdist nature, and had him grow a frizzy shock-afro after he got tazed! I actually laughed out loud at that part and I'm glad Vis ran with it.

Technical: 4
Like Vis, you had a few typos towards the start of the thread; nothing major but make sure to reread your posts carefully so you can catch these.

Realism: 5

Scale: 3
I kept wondering why Aquarius was there, or why he was so hellbent on fighting this dude he seemed (at best) passively unimpressed/disinterested in. I had trouble trying to grasp his motivation for attacking, or even being there besides.... Evil murderbot? Not that we don't like evil murder hobo-bots, but a little bit of internal reflection would help remedy this gap and ground Aquarius in the setting a bit more.

Voice: 4
Voice is the unique way in which an author expresses their ideas and style. While you were sufficient at characterizing Aquarius realistically, it was a bit hard to pick out your specific style. I think you could still stand to improve in this area. In particular I was a bit thrown off by the sudden fourth-wall breaking in post #2 and #6. I found it amusing and playful in general, I'm just not entirely convinced that it fit the overall tone and tension of the scene.​