Monster Tinder 2.0

Kartan

Blessed and Possessed
Level 1
Essence
€1,500
Coin
₡4,000
Tokens
0

Lllllllllllllllllllllllllladies. BATTUHL BRUVAHS would certainly be a first choice all things considered, but battle sisters is fair enough too. Just remember, it technically always counts as a threesome. ;v

good lord I never thought the image would be that large, apologies to those with poor bandwidth
 

Totoro

Level 1
Essence
€2,327
Coin
₡7,300
Tokens
0
Chang'e
Preference: Male
Must be able to not die (as in true immortality) preferably and if unable to find any suitable canadates someone to catch the goddesses eye also works.
Continuing this on Totoro, because having matches made by a cuddlable floofball instead of a stoic combat Pokémon is just so much more thematically fitting.

First of, I completely forgot that I still had Chang'e to cover, I'm sorry for that! And unfortunately I couldn't think of a really good candidate, so I have to settle for a kind-of-good one.


:unsure: This here is Dullahan. Not the Headless Horseman, that's his western cousin. The Dullahan is a headless armor-wearing person, with his head usually under his armpit because it easily falls off his shoulders. You can probably tell from the image that he's associated with death a good bit, for good reason: he's like a sort of messenger warning people of their impending death, by splashing them with blood. Well given that Chang'e is apparently immortal, there must've been a mix-up in the books!
Either way, the pros are that he as a spiritual being is pretty much immortal as well, and being a messenger like he is comes with the perk of a free (undead) horse to ride, so Chang'e has her own knight in shining armor (granted, he looks like a Death Knight, not a shining white knight of fairytales) to ride around with. He's also a pretty nice guy who knows how to treat a lady, given that he's been around for a while and had plenty of opportunity to learn that sort of thing.
But! Being around for that long probably means that his emotions are kind of dulled since he's experienced much of what there is to experience. Sure Chang'e might have engaging philosophical debates with him about the futility of existence and whether rabbit-made mochi is tastier than granny's gingerbread, but this is Monster Tinder! Also, general physical activity (talking about snuggling, of course ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) is gonna be hard to impossible given that he usually wears armor and his body is, biologically speaking, dead. So, no body heat to share when watching Netflix together. Oh and his work has him travel a lot, so there's that too.
 

Totoro

Level 1
Essence
€2,327
Coin
₡7,300
Tokens
0
Done this before but want to see if the answer is still the same XD

Only preference would be female for Viccy boy
I'm sort of tempted to give Victor a Fhernhaching companion (basically living embodiments of friendliness and positivity) but that's A: too easy, B: Fhernhachings are not really monsters, but very humanlike, and C: they're way obscure from a universe nobody knows, which is no fun. Also, because I can currently not access OV and look back to what I gave you, I'll treat this one as a fresh submission :unsure:

So, here is... *dramatic drumroll*

A harpy! And no, not the "I am totally a loli but actually my body is this small/young-looking because harpies are birds that need to be light so they stay small" Monster Musume archetype. I doubt Victor would have much interest in one of those, outside of for headpats.
Why a harpy, you ask?

Well, Victor is the "fabulous" type with a side of assassin stealth who's used to being nobility or at least acting the part. I think someone equally fabulous would really complement that side of him, because look at that girl. You could stick her in a more formal dress and take her to any costume ball you wanted, she'd fit right in. And then you could sneak out and murderize your target while everyone's distracted. She's probably more than some commoner harpy too, maybe nobility or even a Sky Queen which means she's not gonna be easy on Vic either. But then again, harpies are birds, and birds are bird-brained, so once he learns his way around her he will (probably) be just fine, right?

I dunno, I'm not particularly happy with this pick, you tell me if you like her :unsure: Otherwise I might give it another go, but in that case I might need to take some more time to do a deeper analysis of Vic and whatnot.
 

Totoro

Level 1
Essence
€2,327
Coin
₡7,300
Tokens
0
Lllllllllllllllllllllllllladies. BATTUHL BRUVAHS would certainly be a first choice all things considered, but battle sisters is fair enough too. Just remember, it technically always counts as a threesome. ;v

good lord I never thought the image would be that large, apologies to those with poor bandwidth
Image removed from your quote so I don't deliver the deathblow to someone's internet connection by making it be loaded twice.

So, uh... Kartan. Two for the price of one, but I'll be honest, in the crapsack world of Warhammer 40k even a regular Space Marine would probably require a partner with certain preferences to be eligible for dating. And from what I gather they don't even have any reproductive parts anymore, so... I guess it'd be a purely platonic relationship, unless you're a Slaneeshian? I don't know if those guys get given back anything so they can have their orgies properly. But Kartan seems to be a Chaos Undivided dude, and I am digressing.
Most humans would probably go :chloe: at the sight of him, given the whole... *waves hand at* ... demon thing he's got going on. Well, I'll take a stab at it anyway.
or, if you prefer a slightly more feminine but equally smexy partner...
Incubi are demons, so the whole demon schtick wouldn't bother them much, and given that they live in Infernus, where burly, hairy, muscle-brained demons make their home, they would at least not mind, maybe even enjoy, Kartan's Spehss Mahreen appearance. Did I mention they're pretty capable fighters? Going on a little rampage, spilling some guts, drinking the blood of the innocent and sharing lewd kisses in front of a burning-town-lit dinner (the corpses of their enemies), that's the life.

This one is short-ish, I'm sorry for that. I hope you enjoy it anyway! Just don't enjoy it too much or you'll be favoring Slaanesh too much and the other Chaos Gods will be displeased. Or however Chaos Undivided works, heck if I know :unsure:
 

Victor Wolfe

Staff member
Level 2
Essence
€4,076
Coin
₡13,500
Tokens
20
I'm sort of tempted to give Victor a Fhernhaching companion (basically living embodiments of friendliness and positivity) but that's A: too easy, B: Fhernhachings are not really monsters, but very humanlike, and C: they're way obscure from a universe nobody knows, which is no fun. Also, because I can currently not access OV and look back to what I gave you, I'll treat this one as a fresh submission :unsure:

So, here is... *dramatic drumroll*

A harpy! And no, not the "I am totally a loli but actually my body is this small/young-looking because harpies are birds that need to be light so they stay small" Monster Musume archetype. I doubt Victor would have much interest in one of those, outside of for headpats.
Why a harpy, you ask?

Well, Victor is the "fabulous" type with a side of assassin stealth who's used to being nobility or at least acting the part. I think someone equally fabulous would really complement that side of him, because look at that girl. You could stick her in a more formal dress and take her to any costume ball you wanted, she'd fit right in. And then you could sneak out and murderize your target while everyone's distracted. She's probably more than some commoner harpy too, maybe nobility or even a Sky Queen which means she's not gonna be easy on Vic either. But then again, harpies are birds, and birds are bird-brained, so once he learns his way around her he will (probably) be just fine, right?

I dunno, I'm not particularly happy with this pick, you tell me if you like her :unsure: Otherwise I might give it another go, but in that case I might need to take some more time to do a deeper analysis of Vic and whatnot.
I love it
 

Totoro

Level 1
Essence
€2,327
Coin
₡7,300
Tokens
0
As I am a monster, does that mean I can finally get a beautiful princess to marry me?
We hand out monster partners here, go to Human Tinder if you want princesses :unsure: But since you're here already, let's match you a monster princess and get a stepmom for Jr, how about that?

Given that Bowser is a sort of fierce, yet relatively comical villain (befitting the Nintendo and Mario universe standards) with standards (ever seen that commercial where he covers Junior's eyes from adult content?) he's actually a pretty good match! On the other hand, he's gonna have standards if he wants someone as nice as Peach. Plus, it's gotta be someone a bit durable. Sorry to be blunt here, bro, but you're a giant dragon-turtle-Koopathing with a spiked shell, scales, claw fingers and the softest part of your body (stomach) is probably still hard as tanned leather. Peach would get cut up like she's dragged over a cheese grater if she hugged you. But don't worry, I got a great match!


This gal here is a Dragonewt Princess. See the princess in the title? Yeah, she's royalty, so things are great there! (Side funfact, if a prince or king marries a commoner, that would degrade the king, not elevate the commoner) Dragonewts are an evolved subspecies of lizardmen which in turn descend from dragons. Dragonewts have a high percentage of this draconic heritage in their blood and as such are rare and pretty powerful. Now, see those scales on her arms and legs? Her skin is about as durable as those, meaning that physical contact will not end disastrously for either party - cuddles all day round! Also, unlike those laughably short-lived humans Dragonewts are long-lived like dragons (and turtles! Or Koopas) so Bowser won't find himself with a wrinkly hag after a few decades, or as a widower. And did I mention that like most reptiles Dragonewts love warm environments? Yeah, that castle with lava moats of yours would be pure heaven for her. However, Dragonewts are somewhat fierce, but I'd say that's a great example for Bowser Jr. Bowser, being used to the more soft and girly Peach, might not be used to someone that headstrong though. But, relationships are all about giving and taking, aren't they? Just remember to lead with the bouquet of Piranha flowers rather than a metal cage and plans for kidnapping. Now get that silly Peach gal out of your head and go find yourself a REAL princess!
 
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