[Q] Like No One Ever Was

[Zagreus]

Deep in the jungle, amidst the fallen foliage that composed the jungle floor, was the corpse of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. On top of its torso, lazy Zagreus lounged around, picking at his teeth.

“I’m not lounging around,” Zagreus snapped, “I’m just resting. I’m allowed a bit of that, aren’t I?”

Perhaps now that Zagreus wasn’t constantly being brutally killed, the prince was starting to feel some semblance of fatigue. Even though his body was not necessarily able to feel exhaustion, Zagreus felt tired.

Perhaps this emotion was closer to boredom.

It had been about a month since Gorr had been summoned. Zagreus had spent the following days largely afraid of retaliation. But it did not come. He spent the first two weeks looking for any signs of being hunted. But they did not come.

He did not come.

Zagreus couldn’t figure out why. After a couple more weeks, Zagreus started making more and more of a mess, trying to lure out the Butcher. He was slaying larger and more impressive prey, trying to really spread his tracks as best as he could. This was the latest in his rampage, a massive beast of a lizard unlike which Zagreus had ever seen. And yet, upon watching it, he instinctively knew what its name would be.

“Or maybe it’s because you told me what it was called, old man.”

Zagreus rolled off the Tyrannosaurus and slung his sword onto his shoulder.

“Well,” Zagreus groaned, “Might as well get to town and cause some noise there.”

 

[Zagreus]

Doc Louis was a large man in many senses of the word. He towered over most people at 6 feet 13 inches, as he often joked. His large belly betrayed his love for eating, despite his rippling muscles on the rest of his body. He covered this physique with a red tracksuit jacket and navy blue tracksuit pants, finishing the look with a towel around his neck. He was wearing the modern equivalent of a martial master’s sacred gi.

Then in comes this skinny freak in a toga.

This newcomer named Zagreus had marched right into New Abraxas, loudly asking around questions. The other hunters must’ve found him amusing, because they told him that the “Predator of Gods” he was looking for was in Doc Louis’ shack. It hadn’t been long since then that Zagreus had arrived at Doc Louis’ doorstep, sword drawn, noting that Doc wasn’t the one he was looking for.

And here they were now. SItting in Doc’s humble shack with its pullable couch-bed and its single window. The floor was absolutely swimming in chocolate bar wrappers. Doc Louis sized Zagreus up, making no effort to hide his disappointment. Zagreus stared back, grinning sheepishly.

“You ain’t much to look at, kid,” Doc said, licking his teeth with a sneer.

Zagreus crossed his arms. “I may not be as large as you’d like, but-”

“Oh, it ain’t that,” Doc interrupted, “I trained champions littler than you, kid - what’s your name?”

“Zagreus.”

“I trained champions littler than you, Zag. That’s not the issue. Whatever. Let’s see what you got, eh?”

“Wait, just like that?” Zagreus asked, “I never even asked you for training. You asked me to sit here and just went silent for several minutes.”

“Well, why else would you be here?” Doc Louis said, pulling two boxing gloves and tossing them at Zagreus. The godling caught them with his arms, his eyebrow raised in confusion.

“I told you, I’m looking for the God-Butcher,” Zagreus said, “He might be going by Gorr?”

“Seems pretty intense, kid,” Doc cackled, “You think you can beat him?”

Zagreus fell silent. He thought about his first encounter with Gorr, how completely outclassed he was. His train of thought was interrupted by a surprisingly quick jab from Doc Louis.

“Ow!”

“Well?” Doc said, bouncing on his tiptoes, “I asked if you can wipe his ass, kid.”

“I don’t believe that’s the phrase-”

This time, Zagreus managed to duck as Doc swung a hard right hook. A purple array of lights sparkled over Zagreus’ head. Doc Louis threw another flurry of blows, which Zagreus managed to block with his arms.

“I’d appreciate it if you stopped that,” the godling grunted.

“Then fight me, sucka,” Doc smirked, “Let’s take this outside. You can use your weapons, if you want.”

Zagreus pursed his lips pityingly. “You may be underestimating me.”

“Oh, I think I’ve estimated you right,” Doc chuckled, “Now, c’mon. I hope you’re ready to study hard, Zag…”

Doc threw a few practice punches with his old, weathered brown gloves. He smirked as he bounced on his toes again.

“This is old-school. HA!”

 

[Zagreus]

The pair were now outside. To his great shame, Zagreus was losing.

“Well,” the godling grunted as he stumbled to his feet, “That remains to be seen.”

“One-two! Hut, hut!”

Zagreus leaned back to avoid one of the blows, but the second clipped across his chin. The godling irritatedly tutted as he brought his fist into a right hook, throwing in his entire weight. Doc Louis, surprisingly fast for his age and weight, ducked low and punched Zagreus hard in the gut.

Zagreus slid back a few feet before stumbling on his cinderous feet. He grimaced as he looked up at Doc.

“Ouch.”

“Hehehe, that’s right, kid. I’m gonna make you work today!” Doc Louis said as he approached, his feet a blur of movement.

Perhaps this is as good a time as any to bring some insight into how our godling sees the world. As the son of Hades, Zagreus was full of innate divine power. He was able to see what mortals could not. For starters, he was able to see danger. Anything that was deemed an immediate threat to him would light up in a color which our frail mortal minds cannot comprehend; if we could, we might say the color looked like pink. The more dangerous the threat was, the larger the pink flash was for Zagreus.

Doc’s fists were blindingly bright pink.

Doc twisted his body slightly. Zagreus prepared to step back again, but was immediately caught by a left jab, a right jab. Before Doc could throw a hard right hook, Zagreus tumbled back.

“Hehe, I telegraphed that,” Doc said.

Irritated, Zagreus reached out with his hand. His ebony crimson blade reformed from cinders around his fingertips. Zagreus brandished Stygius with both hands, glaring at Doc behind the sharp edges of his sword.

“No more playing around,” Zagreus snarled.

“Hey hey, that’s what I’m talking about,” Doc said, bouncing on his toes unphased, “Show me whatchu got!”

Zagreus dashed forward, swinging his sword. Doc punched at the flat side of Stygius, somehow catching the blade with his jab. Knocking it aside, Doc closed the distance and threw another flurry of punches. Zagreus did his best to block it, and swung his sword awkwardly. However, he didn’t have enough space to allow a full swing, and Doc jabbed at the blade again, this time knocking it to the other side. As Doc threw another flurry of blows, Zagreus was forced to dash back, clenching at his gut. Though the gloves were soft, Zagreus found himself grunting in pain.

“Blood and thunder,” Zagreus gasped, “What’s this mortal made of?”

Doc Louis cocked his arms with an arrogant smirk. He tipped his head slightly.

“Getting tired already, kid?”

Zagreus sneered. He brandished his blade, twirling it before leaning his forehead against the flat of it. The godling was vaguely aware of Doc pulling out a chocolate bar (gloves on and all) and munching on it.

“Lord Uncle Poseidon,” Zagreus muttered, “I’d appreciate your blessing right now.”

A voice rang in Zagreus’ head. The voice was deep and masculine, but had the lightness of wind. He felt shivers climb his back as a cool breeze whirled around him. Zagreus swore he could smell seawater.

“Zagreus! Athena told us you were whisked away to some strange world!” Poseidon’s voice said, “I see you’ll still be needing our help. Well, consider yourself helped!”

Seawater crashed out from Stygius, flying out towards Doc. The mini-wave splashed onto Doc’s face just as he was about to take another bite of his chocolate bar.

“Now what the hell is this?” Doc asked, his irritation clear on his face.

Zagreus grinned cockily as he swung his blade in a vertical arc. Tide traced Stygius’ tip in a wide, violently surging arc.

“This is me showing you what I got.”

 

[Zagreus]

“Oh ho,” Doc Louis growled, “Nobody messes with Doc’s choc and gets away with it!”

Doc stepped forward, his fists a blinding flurry of impacts. Zagreus instinctively raised his sword to block the attacks, resting the flat of his blade against his arm to brace. But the blows were too numerous, too varied in their direction. After about a dozen blows, Zagreus brandished his blade while stepping back, hoping to create space. Doc seemed to read this feint and closed the distance, giving Zagreus no space to breathe.

Zagreus, sick of Doc’s advances, swiped at the large man’s ankles. Doc quick-stepped over the first swipe, but was unable to dodge the follow-up stab. Zagreus intentionally aimed for Doc’s tendon, then swiped at it to make a small cut.

From the small cut, a torrent of seawater lashed out in a storm of hydration. The sheer force of the localized tide kicked forward at Doc Louis’ heels, sweeping his legs out from under him. The boxer managed to land again on his feet, albeit with his weight unbalanced. Noting his advantage, witty Zagreus slashed again at Doc Louis’ torso with Poseidon-blessed Stygius. Doc Louis raised his arms to block, but it was for naught.

The slash cut through Doc Louis’ sleeves, but did not puncture skin. Zagreus’ eyes widened in confusion. Just as Doc was about to gloat about it, another torrent of seawater splashed him in the face. With all the force of a flood, the spout of water shoved him back again. Now that Doc was off-balance, he was fully knocked off his feet and landed on the ground.

“Back off,” Zagreus muttered as he brandished his blade. Saltwater traced the tip of Stygius in an elaborate series of arcs.

Seizing the advantage, Zagreus leapt on top of the large man, placing his smoldering foot on Doc’s neck. Zagreus raised Stygius above his head, the blade pulsing with tide and splashing seawater everywhere.

“Surrender,” Zagreus said tersely.

“Hell nah,” Doc Louis said.

With a quick series of punches to Zagreus’ shin, Doc Louis relieved all feeling in the godling’s leg. The son of Hades stumbled back, shocked, just as Doc Louis rolled to his feet.

“You got no heart, kid,” Doc Louis said, reloading his arms like they were some sort of shotgun. “Come on, you said you were showing me what you got.”

Zagreus roared in frustration as he charged forward, sword trailing behind him. His burning feet left scorch marks that were promptly extinguished by a trail of salt water splashing from his blade. The godling jumped into the air and smashed his sword against the ground, releasing a giant shockwave that rippled through the ground.

Doc Louis stumbled back, grunting as the shockwave hit him hard. Zagreus used this opportunity to zip in, giving a flurry of jumping slashes to pressure Doc. To Doc’s credit, he was still parrying all of the nimble cuts with great skill. However, with each slash Doc was getting shoved back about five feet.

It was at this point the other hunters around New Abraxas began to take interest in the duel. One of them cackled to the other at the sight.

“Hey Jonesy, looks like someone’s fighting Doc Louis again.”

Jonesy scoffed and smirked. “Fool of a man. Look at the little guy go, though.”

“Must be new, eh?” a third hunter interjected, “To think that people don’t know the Chocolate Rule around these parts.”

The three of them nodded in unison. “Don’t fuck with Doc Louis.”

Neither Zagreus and Doc were uncomfortable fighting in front of an audience. Not that either particularly noticed the crowd gathering. Both were now too immersed in the duel, Zagreus aggressively searching for openings in Doc’s guard as Doc Louis’s arms shifted almost chimerically from position to position.

Eventually, nimble-footed Zagreus hacked at Doc Louis with both of his hands on his accursed blade’s handle. The blade clanged loudly against Doc’s muscled forearms, before more seawater splashed out from the blade’s core. The seawater roiled into a tidal wave, surging against Doc’s torso. The wave pushed him back like a high-pressure water pump, launching Doc all the way into the fence that bordered Doc Louis’ little backyard. Doc grunted as his back crashed against the fence.

Zagreus seized the opportunity, lunging forward with a thrust of the blade. Seawater coursed through his weapon again, shoving Doc fully through the chain-link fence. The other hunters who had gathered round all stepped out of the way as the large man crashed through, sending shredded wire everywhere. Zagreus barely had any time to celebrate this little victory before Doc Louis launched back at him, his fists a blur of brown leather.

At this point, bets were starting to go around the other hunters. Some were impressed with the short stranger, who seemed to wield impressive divine magic. They would later say they were impressed that he recognized Doc Louis’ sheer strength, and fought without going easy on him. Most, of course, bet on their local fighting ring’s champion, the one and only, the legendary Doc Louis, who had beaten so many of them down before. Some even bragged that they could beat Zagreus.

Zagreus and Doc Louis were still uninterested in the rabble. The two found in each other a worthy opponent. True warriors such as these fought to the last-

“Gods, I’m tired,” Zagreus grunted.

Well, perhaps even true warriors need their rest.

“You can call this off whenever you like, son,” Doc Louis gloated, “Just admit that your fancy magic couldn’t break me.”

Zagreus fell back onto his behind, grinning with satisfaction. He used the last of his strength to embed Stygius into the ground.

“I see what you’re trying there, old man,” he said to Doc, “But I really am quite tired. You win.”

There were some angry boos coming from the crowd. One glare from Doc, however, and the crowd fell deathly silent. Doc Louis glared at Zagreus.

“Well, you ain’t losing without a mark.”

“How do you mean-”

In the blink of an eye, Doc Louis flew forward and knocked Zagreus out.

 

[Zagreus]

Zagreus woke up from his nonconsensual slumber. His head was ringing, and he felt like vomiting. Opening his eyes hurt; either his eyelids were in pain, or registering light was a struggle. The godling couldn’t be sure. All he knew was that he really didn’t like Doc Louis’ last punch.

Across from him, Doc Louis was munching on a chocolate bar.

They were back in his little shed again. Zagreus chuckled as he gave the man a half-hearted wave. The motion sent a ripple of aches across his entire body, forcing the godling to wince. Doc Louis laughed heartily at the godling.

“Hell of a fight, son,” Doc said, “Hell of a fight.”

“I should be saying that,” Zagreus chuckled, “For an old man, you sure can dance.”

“I trained champions, son, you think I can’t whoop yo ass?”

“Yes, well, I was trained by a champion myself,” Zagreus

“Please, you fight easy.”

Zagreus squinted at that. It was difficult to offend this young man, but this offended him.

“How do you figure?”

“Don’t take it the wrong way, but…” Doc Louis pointed at Zagreus’ chest. “The issue is you ain’t got heart.”

Zagreus smirked. “I think I have heart.”

“You don’t,” Doc retorted, “You have compassion, I’m sure. You’ve got the ringside manners. And guts. You got the skills - by God, you got the skills. But you don’t have the heart to win it.”

Zagreus sighed. “Well, I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”

“You got gifts, Zag,” Doc said, biting thoughtfully into his chocolate bar. “That wasn’t your own power you were using. And gifts like that come with expectations.”

Doc Louis pulled out a chair and sat in it, looking sternly at the godling.

“You fight like, in another time, you would’ve died for something.”

Zagreus shrugged. “I did. Many times.”

“But you don’t fight like that no more.”

Zagreus shrugged again. “Well, I suppose I don’t have to fight like that now.”

Doc pointed again at the godling. “That. That right there is your heart. And you ain’t got it.”

Zagreus thought about what Doc Louis was saying. Meanwhile, Doc (who, upon closer examination by the godling, was much too obese to be accomplishing the feats of strength he did earlier) turned around, procuring yet another chocolate bar.

“Damn, I love chocolate,” Doc said, “What do you love?”

Mighty-hearted Zagreus thought about why he fought. About what his entire life could be boiled into. He spent so much time and energy searching for his mother. And his adoptive mother, Nyx, risked so much by helping him escape. He thought about all the Olympians on their cloudy mountain, with their surprisingly adorable (if deadly) petty squabbles. And finally, loathe though he was to admit it, he thought about his father.

“My family,” Zagreus said, “I love my family.”

And with that, a ring of light started shimmering into existence around Zagreus’ forearm. The shimmer grew in size and brightness, enveloping his arm completely. Zagreus and Doc Louis watched in wonder as the light warbled and spun. Then, just as suddenly as the light appeared, it vanished, leaving behind nothing but a glimmering hoplon shield.

It was a beautiful thing, if savage in appearance. On the face of it was the vicious skull of some sort of giant serpent, its teeth bared in a feral snarl. Its eyes were replaced with glittering rubies. From beneath the skull and in between its teeth, there were beveled steel ribbons that wrapped in a single-twisted loop: the symbol of the House of Hades. Along the circumference of the round shield, on equidistant points, were three sharp blades that pointed out.

Zagreus knew this weapon.

“Aegis,” he mumbled.

Doc Louis cackled in delight. “Now there’s your heart, son. That’s a hell of a thing you made. You fixing to test it out?”

Zagreus brandished the shield. Light sprinkled off of its surface like water.

“It’d be a shame to leave the shield so clean,” the godling chuckled, slinging it onto his back.

Doc Louis let out an approving laugh. “That’s what I’m talking about!”

The pair exited the hut, both of them looking at each other with great expectations.