sharkira Character Application

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Guideon Scott

User name: sharkira

Have you read the rules? Yes

Character Name: Shīkirā

Character Source: OC

Starting Location: Inverxe

Physical Tendencies:
Power(P): 25%
Toughness(T): 25%
Quickness(Q): 25%
Skill(S): 25%

Personality Tendencies:
Aggression(A): 10%
Cunning(C): 20%
Diplomacy(D): 40%
Support(S): 30%

Physical Description:

6'2'', 190 pounds, looks like this:
finishedshark.png


Character History:

A swordsman, originating from a tribe of deep sea, fish-like creatures living in mostly inhabitable depths. Once every 100 years, the most skilled among all of them is sent to the surface world to participate in a lifetime of pilgrimage, to roam the corners of the universe, lending a helping hand to those in need and delivering punishment to those they deem wicked.

Abilities/Skills:

"Seaweed"
[250]
Effect
Damage [Rank 5] - 500
--Removable (-250)

A four feet long, incredibly hardy sword, bestowed upon him by the elders of his tribe. It was carefully crafted from minerals as alien to the surface world as they are sturdy, as any material strong enough to withstand the pressure of the depths it was made in should be. The proccess of creating a blade like this is a mystery to Shīkirā, aside from it being painstakingly long, as such only a few blades of this kind are made every 500 years, and only granted to the best warriors of the tribe, the finer, more mastercrafted of these weapons granted to the fish about to undergo their pilgrimage, along with extensive training on how to parry and deflect incoming attacks. It is written in the many tales of the tribe that these swords could cut gods themselves.

Deep scales [1300]
Effect
Protection [Rank 5] - 500
--Ongoing (500)
Endurance [Rank 3] - 300

The scales covering Shīkirā's entire body are incredibly strong, having adapted to the dark depths of the ocean his kind reside in.
The fish chosen by the tribe for the long pilgrimage most have the sturdiest scales among all their peers, which is not an easy feat to accomplish, as the kind of creatures living in the dark depths the tribe exists in are usually not so easily broken.


How much Essence did you spend? 2000

How much Essence do you have left? 450

Were you referred by an existing member? Morene Fellon
 
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Ahana Varma

General of Neo New Babylon
Level 4
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
44
Essence
€-499
Coin
₡15,464
Tokens
0
World
Inverxe
Profile
Click Here
This is an interesting character you've come up with. Welcome to Multerra.

Before he can be approved, however, there are a few details about his Abilities which will need amended slightly:
"Seaweed" [500]
Effect
Damage [Rank 5] - 500
This should have the Removable Modifier, unless you'd like Shīkirā to be able to summon it back into his hands if he ever drops it... or if it's glued to his palms to stop anyone from ever taking it from him, I guess.
If it's possible for it to be taken, you can add on Removable to save 250 Essence, and if it's not possible for it to be taken, please add a line or two to your description explaining why it can't be taken.

Also, while the Ability format you have used is the original one developed when making the site, the format we have been reccomending of late uses two hyphens (--) to indent the Modifiers, rather than including separate headings for Effects and Modifiers. For example, your "Seaweed" Ability could be written like this:
"Seaweed" [250]
Damage 5 (500)
--Removable (-250)

You may notice that while I've priced Removable at (-250) here, it is only listed as being worth (-50) on the Rules page for Abilities and Effects. The reason for the difference is because all Modifier costs are "per rank of Effect". What this means is that when modifying a rank 5 Effect (like the Damage Effect in this Ability), the Removable Modifier saves you five times the amount it would if applied to a rank 1 Effect.

However, this applies to both positive and negative Modifiers, which brings me to your second Ability:
Deep scales [1,100]
Effect
Protection [Rank 5] - 500
Endurance [Rank 5] - 500
Modifiers: Ongoing - 100

Instead of being priced at 100, Ongoing should actually cost 500 in this case, since it is modifying a rank 5 Effect (Protection).

If it was also modifying Endurance then it would cost an additional 500, as Modifiers must be purchased separately for each Effect, but as Endurance has Ongoing by default, there is no need for that extra expenditure.

As such, the way I would write this Ability would be:
Deep Scales [1500]
Protection 5 (500)
--Ongoing (500)
Endurance 5 (500)

Also, you can remove the part of the description that relates to their training in parrying and deflecting, or can move it to the description of "Seaweed" if you really want to keep it somewhere, because parrying with a sword has nothing to do with the Protection Effect. Anyone with a sword can do that with equal skill.

Anyway, for your final Ability, if you want to keep the Movement Effect, could you please add a one or two word note in the Effects list to show what type of Movement he has. E.g. "Movement (wall-crawling) 1 (100)".

Note that if you do want Movement, it will require a separate purchase of the Ongoing Modifier from Speed. As such, the Effects list might look like this:
Harsh Training [500]
Speed 1 (200)
--Ongoing (100)
Movement (wall-crawling) 1 (100)
--Ongoing (100)

However, I suspect that the type of Movement you are referring to is swimming. If so, you do not require a Movement Effect for that. Movement is only for non-conventional means of transportation, such as crawling up walls and walking on water. Normal people can swim, so it wouldn't need Movement.

If that is what you wanted it for, you could instead write this Ability's Effect list as:
Harsh Training [300]
Speed 1 (200)
--Ongoing (100)


I hope my comments here are able to help you better understand our Ability system on Multerra. If you have any questions, feel free to ask away, either in this thread here or on our Discord server.
 

Ahana Varma

General of Neo New Babylon
Level 4
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
44
Essence
€-499
Coin
₡15,464
Tokens
0
World
Inverxe
Profile
Click Here
It mostly looks right, but I see you've added Ongoing to Endurance as well. You may have missed this line in my original reply (I know I wrote a lot, so that would be easily done) but Endurance actually has Ongoing by default. What that means is that you get that Modifier "built-in", without having to pay for it. So the actual price of Deep Scales (with Protection 5 & Endurance 3) would be 1300 (500 + 500 + 300).

Also, when you update it next time, make sure you update all the numbers so that they're accurate. I notice that you've got Deep Scales priced at 1400, even though it would actually have cost 1600 if it required Ongoing on the Endurance, as you've written it, and also you have the total Essence spent at 2000 and total Essence remaining at 50, when those should have been 1850 & 150, respectively (again, that's the price they'd be if Endurance required Ongoing, as you've shown it in your post).
 
G

Guideon Scott

ah yeah! i completly forgot about endurance, everything should be in order now along with the final prices
thank you very much!
 
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