Takumyths Character Application

[Laslow]

User name: Takumyths

Have you read the rules? Yes

Character Name: Laslow

Character Source: OC

Starting Location: Opealon

Physical Tendencies:
P: 10%
T: 10%
Q: 50%
T: 30%

Personality Tendencies:
A: 70%
C: 30%
D: 0%
S: 0%

Physical Description:

Long silver hair cut shorter towards back but his fringe sweeps halfway across the side of his head anyway and green eyes
Medium height and slim, wears tunic type clothing open at the neck
Has a small shield on left shoulder and a longsword in sheath across his back most of the time
High topped boots warn at all times
Wears pendant with half an emerald at the end

Character History:

Laslow doesn't remember much of his past and what he does know he never tells anyone. He doesn't really have anyone to tell actually seeing as he's always alone. Sometimes he will make remarks about how "you have no idea what I've been through!" but thats the most he says about his past. Has a weird thing for flirting though but gets shy easily and pissed at almost anything. Likes alcohol. A lot. There's only one thing certain about him though. He will never let remove his pendant or let anyone touch it

Abilities/Skills:

Fast Footwork (1000)
Illusion 3 (visible) (600)
--Affects Multiple 1 (50)
--Indirect (100)
--Concentration (-50)
Teleport 1 (300)
--Triggered (Imminent Danger) (50)
--Chaotic (-50)
While concentrating intensely, Laslow moves in such a way that it makes anyone watching think he is making attacks he isn't, like throwing fake punches. These Illusions are effective even when he is observed indirectly, such as through a television screen. Also, if he is ever in danger of being harmed, he will be automatically teleported to a random spot nearby

"Dancing Blade" (450)
Agility 2 - 400
-Activation 1 (-100)
Damage 3 - 300
-Removable (-150)

Laslow approaches his target with sword drawn and avoids most contacts by seeming to dance around anything that would normally hit him. Once he is close enough to his target he slashes them with his sword while still maintaining his dancing-like pattern. Takes 10 seconds before taking effect.


Master Skills:
Performance/Art (Dance) 1 (50)
Social (Flirting) 1 (50)
Rituals/Arcana 1 (50)

How much Essence did you spend? 1,600

How much Essence do you have left? 400

Were you referred by an existing member? No

 

[Laslow]

Oh crap I accidentally put no for the rules thing how do I edit it

 

[Laslow]

User name: Takumyths

Have you read the rules? No

Character Name: Laslow

Character Source: OC

Starting Location: Opealon

Physical Tendencies:
P: 10%
T: 10%
Q: 50%
T: 30%

Personality Tendencies:
A: 70%
C: 30%
D: 0%
S: 0%

Physical Description:

Long silver hair cut shorter towards back but his fringe sweeps halfway across the side of his head anyway and green eyes
Medium height and slim, wears tunic type clothing open at the neck
Has a small shield on left shoulder and a longsword in sheath across his back most of the time
High topped boots warn at all times
Wears pendant with half an emerald at the end

Character History:

Laslow doesn't remember much of his past and what he does know he never tells anyone. He doesn't really have anyone to tell actually seeing as he's always alone. Sometimes he will make remarks about how "you have no idea what I've been through!" but thats the most he says about his past. Has a weird thing for flirting though but gets shy easily and pissed at almost anything. Likes alcohol. A lot. There's only one thing certain about him though. He will never let remove his pendant or let anyone touch it

Abilities/Skills:

"Fast Footwork"

Illusion 1 - 200
Modifiers: Affects Multiple (50), Indirect (100), Concentration (-50), Limited (-50)


Teleport 1 - 300
Modifiers: Triggered (50), Chaotic (-50)

Laslow moves in such a way that it makes people watching think he's in two stances at once and he can even trick them into thinking he moved without moving if he tries hard enough. However this takes extreme concentration and he has to move exactly the right way at the right speed.



"Dancing Blade"

Agility 2 - 400
Modifiers: Ranged (100), Limited (-100)


Damage 3 - 300
Modifiers: Removable (-150)

Laslow approaches his target with sword drawn and avoids most contacts by seeming to dance around anything that would normally hit him. Once he is close enough to his target he slashes them with his sword while still maintaining his dancing-like pattern. Drains a lot of stamina.


Master Skills:
Performance/Art (Dance)
Social (Flirting)
Survival (Food)
Rituals/Arcana

How much Essence did you spend? 1,300

How much Essence do you have left? 700

Were you referred by an existing member? No

Oh crap I accidentally put no for the rules thing how do I edit it

 

[Laslow]

Also, sorry for all the typos and grammar mistakes, I did this when I probably should have been asleep

 

[Ahana Varma]

Oh crap I accidentally put no for the rules thing how do I edit it

See the highlighted button:

Spoiler

You'll have less buttons there, as you aren't a mod, but the edit one should be in about the same place.

Abilities/Skills:

"Fast Footwork"

Illusion 1 - 200
Modifiers: Affects Multiple (50), Indirect (100), Concentration (-50), Limited (-50)


Teleport 1 - 300
Modifiers: Triggered (50), Chaotic (-50)

Laslow moves in such a way that it makes people watching think he's in two stances at once and he can even trick them into thinking he moved without moving if he tries hard enough. However this takes extreme concentration and he has to move exactly the right way at the right speed.



"Dancing Blade"

Agility 2 - 400
Modifiers: Ranged (100), Limited (-100)


Damage 3 - 300
Modifiers: Removable (-150)

Laslow approaches his target with sword drawn and avoids most contacts by seeming to dance around anything that would normally hit him. Once he is close enough to his target he slashes them with his sword while still maintaining his dancing-like pattern. Drains a lot of stamina.

Fast Footwork:
• Affects Multiple can be taken multiple times to expand the area of effect, so in order to make it clearer the size of the area of your Ability, it would be ideal if you would follow this Modifier up with the number of times it was taken, in just the same way you would list the ranks of an Effect.
• As far as I can tell, this is not Limited. If you would like to take a Limited Modifier then please specify what the limit is.
• Your Illusion is only large enough to affect a 1 ft area, so it can't really do what you're wanting it to, even with Affects Multiple. With that Modifier, you can create multiple small illusions, but each will still only be the size of Laslow's foot... so if you try anything fancy, they'll just look like a pair of disembodied feet dancing around on their own.
• Your description does not make it clear why this Ability has Teleport, much less why that Effect should have the Modifiers you've taken.

Dancing Blade:
• Again, you've not explained why this has a Limited Modifier. Remember that a limit should reduce the effectiveness of an Effect by at least 50%. Anything less would be a Weakness instead.
• This does not require Ranged. That would only really ever apply to Agility if you wanted to give the Effect to another character.

Also, the way these are written now, they take up quite a lot of space. The format I would recommend using for Abilities is:

Spoiler

Name [W]
Effect X (Y)
--Modifier (Z)

Description.

Key
W = Total Cost
X = Effect Rank
Y = X * Effect Cost per Rank
Z = X * Modifier Cost per Rank

For example, if I was to write your Fast Footwork Ability (as it is now) in this format (and with the description expanded upon as needed), I would do so like this:
(note that I have had to select the limit and trigger for the purposes of this example, as you did not provide those)

Fast Footwork [550]
Illusion 1 (200)
--Affects Multiple 1 (50)
--Indirect (100)
--Concentration (-50)
--Limited (Only on Men) (-50)
Teleport 1 (300)
--Triggered (Imminent Danger) (50)
--Chaotic (-50)

While concentrating intensely, Laslow moves in such a way that it makes men watching think his feet are in two slightly different positions at once. These Illusions are effective even when he is observed indirectly, such as through a television screen, but women are not affected by them at all. Also, if he is ever in danger of being harmed, he will be automatically teleported to a random spot nearby.

Please use this example as a reference when reworking your Ability.
Though of course, if for some reason you would like to buy the Ability exactly as written in my example, you can do so.

Master Skills:
Performance/Art (Dance)
Social (Flirting)
Survival (Food)
Rituals/Arcana

Please list the ranks and costs of Skills next to them when buying those, just as you would with Effects.
The cost part goes for Abilities too; remember to list the totals.

 

[Laslow]

Okay thanks, do I just edit it or repost it

 

[Yuuka Kazami]

You can do either, but make sure to post something here when you have all the alterations done so we know to look again.

 

[Laslow]

welp I've edited it

 

[Ahana Varma]

Looking much better this time around, good work.
I just have a few little things to clarify before approving this.

"Dancing Blade" (450)
Agility 2 - 400
-Activation (-100)
Damage 3 - 300
-Removable (-150)

Laslow approaches his target with sword drawn and avoids most contacts by seeming to dance around anything that would normally hit him. Once he is close enough to his target he slashes them with his sword while still maintaining his dancing-like pattern. Drains a lot of stamina and also takes 10 seconds before taking full effect.

First of all, could you add a "1" after the Activation Modifier, please. Just like with Affects Multiple, this Modifier can be taken multiple times (though Activation can be only taken once or twice, while there is no limit on Affects Multiple). With Activation 1, something takes at least 10 seconds to start, while with Activation 2, it has to be at least 30 seconds. Also, could you remove the word "full" from your description. Just to make it clear to people reading it that he doesn't have Agility at all until after the ten seconds have passed.

Secondly, you've mentioned that this drains a lot of stamina, but it actually doesn't need to with the Modifiers you have currently. So if you'd like to omit that part, you can do so. Alternatively, you could take a "Side-Effect (Tiring)" Modifier if you would like it to require a significant amount of stamina. Note that an Effect can never be reduced below 50E per rank, though, so there would be no benefit in putting that Modifier on your Damage Effect. If you were to put it on your Agility Effect, though, you could save an additional 100 Essence (as Side-Effect is -50 per rank).

Master Skills:
Performance/Art (Dance) 1 (50)
Social (Flirting) 1 (50)
Rituals/Arcana 1 (50)

You probably already know this from having read the rules, but I just want to mention it in case you didn't notice:
Even though they are called "Master Skills", rank 1 does not actually represent mastery. Rank 1 is just Basic Familiarity, which means Laslow would be slightly above average at these things.
You can of course upgrade his Skills later, but as you have some Essence left over which you could spend if you wanted, I thought I would mention this now.

 

[Laslow]

Looking much better this time around, good work.
I just have a few little things to clarify before approving this.



First of all, could you add a "1" after the Activation Modifier, please. Just like with Affects Multiple, this Modifier can be taken multiple times (though Activation can be only taken once or twice, while there is no limit on Affects Multiple). With Activation 1, something takes at least 10 seconds to start, while with Activation 2, it has to be at least 30 seconds. Also, could you remove the word "full" from your description. Just to make it clear to people reading it that he doesn't have Agility at all until after the ten seconds have passed.

Secondly, you've mentioned that this drains a lot of stamina, but it actually doesn't need to with the Modifiers you have currently. So if you'd like to omit that part, you can do so. Alternatively, you could take a "Side-Effect (Tiring)" Modifier if you would like it to require a significant amount of stamina. Note that an Effect can never be reduced below 50E per rank, though, so there would be no benefit in putting that Modifier on your Damage Effect. If you were to put it on your Agility Effect, though, you could save an additional 100 Essence (as Side-Effect is -50 per rank).




You probably already know this from having read the rules, but I just want to mention it in case you didn't notice:
Even though they are called "Master Skills", rank 1 does not actually represent mastery. Rank 1 is just Basic Familiarity, which means Laslow would be slightly above average at these things.
You can of course upgrade his Skills later, but as you have some Essence left over which you could spend if you wanted, I thought I would mention this now.

User name: Takumyths

Have you read the rules? Yes

Character Name: Laslow

Character Source: OC

Starting Location: Opealon

Physical Tendencies:
P: 10%
T: 10%
Q: 50%
T: 30%

Personality Tendencies:
A: 70%
C: 30%
D: 0%
S: 0%

Physical Description:

Long silver hair cut shorter towards back but his fringe sweeps halfway across the side of his head anyway and green eyes
Medium height and slim, wears tunic type clothing open at the neck
Has a small shield on left shoulder and a longsword in sheath across his back most of the time
High topped boots warn at all times
Wears pendant with half an emerald at the end

Character History:

Laslow doesn't remember much of his past and what he does know he never tells anyone. He doesn't really have anyone to tell actually seeing as he's always alone. Sometimes he will make remarks about how "you have no idea what I've been through!" but thats the most he says about his past. Has a weird thing for flirting though but gets shy easily and pissed at almost anything. Likes alcohol. A lot. There's only one thing certain about him though. He will never let remove his pendant or let anyone touch it

Abilities/Skills:

Fast Footwork (1000)
Illusion 3 (visible) (600)
--Affects Multiple 1 (50)
--Indirect (100)
--Concentration (-50)
Teleport 1 (300)
--Triggered (Imminent Danger) (50)
--Chaotic (-50)
While concentrating intensely, Laslow moves in such a way that it makes anyone watching think he is making attacks he isn't, like throwing fake punches. These Illusions are effective even when he is observed indirectly, such as through a television screen. Also, if he is ever in danger of being harmed, he will be automatically teleported to a random spot nearby

"Dancing Blade" (450)
Agility 2 - 400
-Activation 1 (-100)
Damage 3 - 300
-Removable (-150)

Laslow approaches his target with sword drawn and avoids most contacts by seeming to dance around anything that would normally hit him. Once he is close enough to his target he slashes them with his sword while still maintaining his dancing-like pattern. Takes 10 seconds before taking effect.


Master Skills:
Performance/Art (Dance) 1 (50)
Social (Flirting) 1 (50)
Rituals/Arcana 1 (50)

How much Essence did you spend? 1,600

How much Essence do you have left? 400

Were you referred by an existing member? No

Edited it

 

[Ahana Varma]

Alright, then. You're approved now, and can post your character info in Character Profiles, then start writing.

I'll speak to an admin about getting your username changed to "Laslow".

 

[Laslow]

Okay, thanks a ton