February Book Club!

[Arthur Morgan]

Hello everyone! Welcome to the latest edition of the XROADS BOOK CLUB, sponsored by PepsiCo.

We've gathered up some suggestions from you fantastic people and we're dropping 'em below. The following threads are yours for the reading and the reviewing. But before we get into it, there's some ground rules:

1. If you're reviewing a thread, please read the whole thread! There are a lot of reasons for this -- you might get a better idea of the whole arc, someone's writing may grow from start to finish, etc. Just as a basic rule, try to read the whole goshdarn shebang if you're gonna give comments.
2. Please make sure to keep your comments constructive! This doesn't necessarily always mean positives (though please do give positive notes when you have them!) but just make sure that you aren't giving people notes like "your grammar sucks." What's a place in particular you can give kind advice on? Also -- keep in mind that in this month's case especially, some people did not nominate their own threads, so there's no reason to come in and rip someone apart.
3. In general, when giving critiques, the most important thing for me to hear from someone is how something makes them feel. If your review is just a paragraph about what emotions the character's journey dredged up in you, that is so helpful to me as a writer. Was it what I intended? How did it differ from what I thought I was doing?
4. Lastly, just a numbers note: try and make sure your reviews are at least a full paragraph of six to ten sentences (or more!). Ostensibly you're getting a 20 token reward if you do all of the threads, so try and put some thought into your feedback. Book Club, at its core, is about helping us all come together as a community and work together to create a world, improve ourselves, and enjoy others' work. Keep that in mind as you approach it.

That being said, your threads are:

"Dog With a Bone" - written by Sandor Clegane​

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"Dance of Swords" - written by Shinku​

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"Meet the Pellbrooks" - written by Dr. McNinja​

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"Of Boos... and Gears?" - written by Kagami and Gizmo Gear​

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"A Watery Grave in the ocean of Sand" - written by Ridley and Lilith​

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"Closer to Home" - written by John Connor and Shinku​

You can review one, two, or all of these threads, and your Token reward at the end of the month will match accordingly (+20 Tokens for all, +3 Tokens per every thread you review). Reviewing 3 of the threads will waive your Token costs to submit a thread for next month's Book Club.

Happy reading!

 

[Mollymauk Tealeaf]

"A Watery Grave in the Ocean of Sand"

*Contains some spoilers*

What a wonderful rollercoaster!

What started with what I thought was a buddy road-comedy (really enjoyed the news broadcast!) turned into something else altogether. I had never read Ridley or Lilith outside of site events, so I did not know what to expect, and was even a little nervous knowing Lilith as a character, but the jokes landed SO well. I liked that how no matter how corrupt either one of them are, the writing never forces the reader to push through anything uncomfortable in terms of 'shock value'. This story WANTS to be read.

Now onto the Lapis of it all. Woof! I legit felt unsafe in the best way for the gemmy gem lady, in the same way watching Planet Earth II when 4k TVs first came out made me feel. You two knuckleheads threw me for a friggin' loop many times, and I loved that. You gave me hope so many times, only to have it dashed upon the unforgiving sands of Mesa Roja. This was a great and enjoyable read, even without being familiar with the gem people and Jasper. You did great giving the exposition that mattered.

The chemistry between Ridley and Lilith can not be understated in its hilarity.

The only question that remains is: does Lilith desire Ridley for his power, his cruelty, or just the simple fact he's her boss. Wonderful story, very fun read.

 

[Dr. McNinja]

DOG WITH A BONE

What vibes! It really gives off the vibe of a Western mixed with GoT. It’s the way you construct the sentences; you use medieval words and phrases to really drive home the fantasy tone. I’m also pleasantly surprised how much you know about horse riding and sword care - it gives the story and the Hound himself a lot of legitimacy. That being said, I would have loved to see the parley at the end. I like a sudden jump cut more than anyone, but that was a very abrupt shift in alignment. They went from capturing and mocking him to serving him. Maybe in practice it would have slowed down the story too much, so that’s just my two cents. Overall, though, what an excellent read!!

DANCE OF SWORDS

Pretty good read! You have a strong vocabulary, so the sentences feel very vibrant. You characterized Elise well, though I don’t know her motivation. It kinda felt like Elise was going through training just for the sake of getting stronger. My major concern is the conflict; it’s pretty weak. There isn’t an ordeal that Elise has to overcome. It doesn’t have to be a direct conflict or whatever, since this is about training, but nothing extraordinarily challenges her. She just gets better with practice. It would have been more dynamic if her spirit DID get broken for a second, and then find her resolve again. The closest thing I can find to something like that is when she first puts on the blindfold and gets like… pretty frustrated. Still a good read, if somewhat uneventful.

 

[Mollymauk Tealeaf]

"Meet the Pellbrooks"

Big fan of Peter and Daisy...just two nerds trying to find love in the big city, working for a Ninja Doctor. What I enjoyed about this Daisy/Peter thread in particular, was how you captured the absolute awkwardness that comes with young and new love. From playing guitars on the porch, to meeting your partners parents. You nailed this slice of life, and the stakes of Daisy being accepted and Peter being accepted back was a great treat to watch them navigate in thier nervousness. The banter between all the siblings was spot on, and the jokes landed all landed. Family makes things wierd, and the Pellbrooks aren't the most normal folks! I had forgotten what a badass family he comes from. I look forward to the next part of Peter and Daisy's story.

Finding out Mcninja was visiting the farm this whole time makes me wonder if Peter is gonna get a new stepdad soon?

 

[Lilith]

“Dance of Swords”

Nothing like a training arc to show your character's growth. You build decent intrigue for Elise, and I'm interested to see what adventures you take her on. You're on point with your descriptions of the environment, exploring the sights and the sound, though you can't go wrong incorporating other senses into it. I think where you struggle the most is repetition, in terms of word choice and retreading ideas. When you circle back to a concept without much change it can feel like the story isn't progressing. I recommend cutting down on redundant information to improve readability. Another area you could work on is showing over telling. You have good word choice, but its begging for specific details or colorful descriptions to help paint the scene. I also wanted to see more focus on conflict and emotional weight, especially on Shinku's side. I'm wondering what the stakes are for him in this? I appreciate the time you spend on Elise's character development, but I find it hard to identify the specific steps in her journey. What is she doing differently? What changed in her mentally? You have a good foundation with Elise, hope you expand on it.

 

[Klarion]

REWARDS SUMMARY:

Mollymauk Tealeaf - Reviewed 2 threads - +6 Tokens!

Dr. McNinja - Reviewed 2 threads - +6 Tokens!

Lilith - Reviewed 1 thread - +3 Tokens!