Dear Diary,
Aight so it’s like I said … we had to leave Zamara. Beatrix had to say goodbye to her dead husband, Vad (dude got plague … yikes). We kept the mounts we rented, because ‘fuck ‘em’ (Zamara, not the beasts of burden). We set out on probably the dreariest road trip you can imagine. Like, I think we had to lowkey steal from a few farms over the course of six or seven days. I’m sure King Yemma will give me some grief when he sees me again, but in my defense, I also murder people and that was never an issue for the big ogre.
Anyway, we eventually found a river. I tried to fish, but I always hated grinding the Fishing skill. Beatrix killed some bunnies, because she’s a sociopath. At least she’s like, detoxed now? Lady went bonkers a few nights into our ‘trip’. Double yikes. Anyway, we decided to make a temporary camp. Jaina’s magic, so it wasn’t like we were entirely ‘roughing it’, but that didn’t stop the two from having a few lover’s quarrels over their emotions. Emotions are weird. And girly (just kidding – toxic masculinity is BAD, boys).
I had a partner once, too. And kids. That shit isn’t easy. Still hurts. But not everything works out like it does in the movies. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. After camping for a few more days, we picked up distant signs of fire. We traced those and exited the deep forests to see a city under siege by an army. We were going to leave, but then they started attacking these women and kids trying to flee. So, naturally, I did the thing that any hero would do – I started blasted.
“You have to stand for something, or you’ll fall for anything” is what Jaina yelled at Beatrix when ole Red tried to give me grief about interfering in the siege. Either way, we killed that army and lifted the siege of Lodis that had been going on for weeks. Fuck, Merania. They sound like assholes. Either way, Beatrix overdid it and wound up almost dead. I hope this isn’t a trend or something.
We were brought into this former church that’s now their like, bastion or some shit (I don’t know castle words). We met ‘King Reynard’ who I think is probably older than the three of us combined, even if you count all those years that I was dead. Maybe not. I think the Hinterlands just makes 50 look like 70. Gross.
Anyway, the king made us knights, I think? Beatrix tried to ruin it by opening her mouth and talking, but it was still a p cool experience. The King seemed pretty down-to-Erde, and he filled us in about how his kingdom has been bullied by two of its neighbors for like a century or some shit. How fucked is that? I hate bullies.
We agreed to stay in the castle and help out the king. There was no way I was eatin’ anymore of Beatrix’s fucking squirrel gumbo out in the woods. The first couple days were nice. I got to hang out with Jaina. She’s like Beatrix, only prettier, nicer, smarter, more talented, and far less of an asshole. Anyway, it took a while for Bea to feel better after getting stabbed and punched a billion times.
After a couple weeks of relaxation, we got a call from the king, through his boi JP, that another Baron had been kidnapped. We had to go to a grotto (s’like a cave, but fancy) to save him. Unfortunately, JP turned out to be a two-faced snake bitch-boi instead of a real one. He had sent us to a trap! Sadly, the three of us are pretty terrible when it comes to dying, so we murdered everyone. Bea even accidentally killed the Baron we were gonna interrogate, but it’s aight because she had some necromancer blood magic shit to revive him.
From Tremblade’s blood ghost-thing, we essentially learned that much of the Lodian nobility is actually banking on their city collapsing. They think it’s stagnant. The fuck? What losers. Anyway, it’s real bad, but we kind of like the old man king. We want to help him. Unfortunately, we returned only to learn that there were mage hunters out for Beatrix. I guess she did a lot of asshole stuff back in the day? I unno.
They jumped Beatrix while Jaina and I were on our way to get access to King Reynard. We made our way to him in the dead of night to let him know about the plots. He essentially tasked us with purging his court of people who weren’t loyal to him. It’s kind of messed up in hindsight, because he was p much requesting we genocide a bunch of people. But… y’know. Like your average weekend for the three of us.
By that point, Beatrix had been like … infested by the Mage Hunters. She went LOCO. Loca? I think it’s loca. There was a full moon, so like peak she-wolf shit. Anyway, it took some time for her to be ‘nursed’ back to health. I spent that time being bored to death with the royal family. They were boring, but I didn’t have to deal with assassins so that’s good.
I think it's best if I just ...
*scribbles that show the three flying over a besieged Lodis and shooting angry-faced Meranians*
