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Kirino Ranmaru Character Application
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<blockquote data-quote="Arthur Morgan" data-source="post: 10395" data-attributes="member: 29"><p>Hello and welcome to Multerra! Let me take a look at your application real quick...</p><p></p><p>For your Character History, it doesn't seem like you have mentioned how your character came to be in our setting! Since you intend to start on Erde Nona, please explain how your character arrived there. This could be accomplished via an inter-dimensional portal, they just woke up there, etcetera.</p><p></p><p><strong><em>For "The Mist" - </em></strong></p><p></p><p>Abilities are structured around Effects, which broadly cover what the ability does. These Effects then have modifiers applied to them to further explain how they function.</p><p></p><p>For example, when writing a basic "Knife" ability, that would naturally have a Damage Effect. But, then you might say that your character can be disarmed when wielding said Knife! Thus, you could then apply the Removable modifier to your Damage Effect. You would write this like so:</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>For your "The Mist" ability, it seems here that you may have confused this a bit by listing the Effects and modifiers out of order. I would recommend reordering things to look more like the below example, with a clear indication that your modifiers are being applied to the Concealment Effect:</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>In addition to the above notes, I would say that this Ability requires the Ongoing modifier if you want the mist to last for more than a few seconds. Your Activation modifier would also subtract 100E from the total cost, not just 50E, since it is being applied to a Rank 2 Concealment Effect.</p><p></p><p>Finally, when writing your description for "The Mist", please note how long it takes for this ability to activate and make it clear that the mist is able to affect multiple targets within its radius! For example, just write something like this in your description: "The mist takes shape over the course of 10 seconds, affecting any targets caught within its 20 ft radius."</p><p></p><p><strong><em>For "La Flamme"</em></strong> -</p><p></p><p>Like I explained above for "The Mist," please reformat this Ability to make it more clear that the Indirect and Ranged modifiers are being applied to the Damage Effect. I also noticed that you mentioned in your description that this ability is able to "block" a target. Do you mean that it can protect your character from damage? If so, you may need to also have the Protection Effect listed here, with its own modifiers.</p><p></p><p>Additionally, could you elaborate in your description on how this ability is Indirect? An ability with the Indirect modifier can bounce around corners, for example, or generally seek out any target that your character can still actively perceive to harm them. Based on your description, I'm not seeing a reason why you have added the Indirect modifier.</p><p></p><p>If you need more help or have any questions, don't hesitate to ask!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Arthur Morgan, post: 10395, member: 29"] Hello and welcome to Multerra! Let me take a look at your application real quick... For your Character History, it doesn't seem like you have mentioned how your character came to be in our setting! Since you intend to start on Erde Nona, please explain how your character arrived there. This could be accomplished via an inter-dimensional portal, they just woke up there, etcetera. [B][I]For "The Mist" - [/I][/B] Abilities are structured around Effects, which broadly cover what the ability does. These Effects then have modifiers applied to them to further explain how they function. For example, when writing a basic "Knife" ability, that would naturally have a Damage Effect. But, then you might say that your character can be disarmed when wielding said Knife! Thus, you could then apply the Removable modifier to your Damage Effect. You would write this like so: For your "The Mist" ability, it seems here that you may have confused this a bit by listing the Effects and modifiers out of order. I would recommend reordering things to look more like the below example, with a clear indication that your modifiers are being applied to the Concealment Effect: In addition to the above notes, I would say that this Ability requires the Ongoing modifier if you want the mist to last for more than a few seconds. Your Activation modifier would also subtract 100E from the total cost, not just 50E, since it is being applied to a Rank 2 Concealment Effect. Finally, when writing your description for "The Mist", please note how long it takes for this ability to activate and make it clear that the mist is able to affect multiple targets within its radius! For example, just write something like this in your description: "The mist takes shape over the course of 10 seconds, affecting any targets caught within its 20 ft radius." [B][I]For "La Flamme"[/I][/B] - Like I explained above for "The Mist," please reformat this Ability to make it more clear that the Indirect and Ranged modifiers are being applied to the Damage Effect. I also noticed that you mentioned in your description that this ability is able to "block" a target. Do you mean that it can protect your character from damage? If so, you may need to also have the Protection Effect listed here, with its own modifiers. Additionally, could you elaborate in your description on how this ability is Indirect? An ability with the Indirect modifier can bounce around corners, for example, or generally seek out any target that your character can still actively perceive to harm them. Based on your description, I'm not seeing a reason why you have added the Indirect modifier. If you need more help or have any questions, don't hesitate to ask! [/QUOTE]
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