V M Mollymauk Saves 'Christmas Alley'

[Mollymauk Tealeaf]

Three elves in a trench coat walked along the rough and shoddy cobblestones of one of the older Arcadian districts, many homes were built side by side, sharing the trunks of massive trees, combining brickwork with the ancient wood. They stopped under one of the lamp posts lining this block of homes that had yet to be turned into micro-breweries or restaurants. Jingle, the elf on top with his tiny head and large pointed ears poking out of the trench coat collar stared at the tall lighting fixture that seemed like a natural root had poked up to a perfect height from the ground and then was carved to match all the rest of the roots that had been nice enough to break through the ground at perfect intervals, symmetrical and matching heights to the rest. Jingle looked down the street, noting all the tops of the posts were perfect replicas of each other, all complete with chocobo heads holding light orbs in their mouths to show the dwellers of this street their way home.

“Home...” Jingle said with a sad sigh, but still sounded cheerful with his high pitched and sweet voice. He fixed his green hat with its bell at the tip that had slipped with all the jostling that comes with being the top elf in a trio of comrades sharing the same coat.

“Don’t worry, Jingle. We’re gonna figure this out and fix it, then we can all get home,” Jangle said, patting the cushy and pointed shoes of his friend that were resting on his shoulders.

“WHAT?!” Shouted the elf on the bottom, not hearing his friends, and wishing to not be left out.

“Shut the fuck up, Steve,” said Jingle.

“Yeah, your mouth should be doing nothing but eating cookies, you dumb piece of reindeer shit,” said Jangle.

Steve could not hear anything clearly except his own breathing with the thickness of the trench coat pressing against his ears but did not want to be rude to his friends, who he assumed most assuredly had answered him and repeated themselves for his sake.

“OK, sounds good, guys,” Steve called from the bottom of their disguise and started to move again when he felt the stomping on his shoulder from Jangle urging him to stop moving.

Jingle looked at his gadget, which had been made in secret earlier in the day, a direct replica, like everything in their new home of Christmas Alley, of something they had before at the north pole. He pushed the thoughts of their former home out of his mind as he studied the green ornament-looking compass as the dial had stopped moving.

“I thought so, Jangle….Steve. We’re here. We found a vessel!” Jingle cried excitedly to his two other elves, and Jangle gave out a yippee of delight while Steve said nothing, not having any idea what was going on or why they had snuck out of Christmas Alley in the first place, just being told his unusually strong and taller build for their kind would be useful to help the cause of all the Christmas Elves in their new home.

Three small taps of a soft felt shoe accompanied by three tinks of the tiny bell it was tipped with gave Steve the go ahead to keep moving, and to go straight. He heard shouts before he ran into something hard.

“Three taps mean left, you gingerbread-for-brains!” Yelled Jingle.

“You absolute idiot, stop ramming us into the light post!” admonished Jangle.

“What?!” Replied Steve, as he kept walking them forward into the wooden object with the head of the ancient and glorious mascot of the city.

“For Santa’s sake man, turn left!” Cried Jangle as he did repetitions of three stomps over and over again in pitiful agony as his nose was repeatedly bonked, being run into the lamp again and again.

Three elves in a trench coat tumbled over and out of their disguise, sprawling onto the uneven and forgotten street, public works calling it a historic block in an excuse to not have to get around to fixing it too much and focusing on better and more meaningful projects across the district. Jangle popped up first and stomped in his adorable way, bells from his shoes and his hat sounding merry as he got in Steve's face, who was now the only one left standing and buried in the trench coat. A stream of curses that would curdle even the best made mug of hot chocolate coming out in his tiny and always jolly sounding voice. Steve did not hear, his ears more obstructed than ever by their previously shared coat.

“What?!” Steve called, and the pile of trench coat moved around this way and that in a tiny circle as the other elves shook the bells on their hats, head in their hands. Eventually Jingle went to help their fellow and without a word, Steve beamed and dusted himself off, then got in line behind them, excited for this adventure he had suddenly found himself on.

“We should have left him back at the workshop,” Grumbled Jangle.

“He was at the meeting, Jangle, and we all know he can’t keep a secret…if the big guy caught wind…it would be the bearded seals for us- the wolves or polar bears if we were lucky, but that sadistic tub of cookie dough would have taken our ears first,” Jingle said, and the two elves shuddered.

Steve came over their shoulders, a full head taller even with their tall hats on and whispered along with them as he squatted a bit and put arms around them both. “Who are we talking about? Is it Tinsel?” He was conspiratorial, and he shifted his eyes around the well-lit street.

Jangle removed the arm from around his shoulder and scoffed, as he stared at the gadget in Jingle’s hands, then looked up to the large house that stood before them. Steve walked off and the Elves gave each other a look of relief, hoping maybe he would just keep walking until he found the coastline and then into the ocean, as they both stared at the ornament looking compass.

“This is the place?” Asked Jangle.

“I think so, Jangle, old buddy. It seems that we might have our own Christmas miracle waiting for us inside after all this ti-” Jingle was cut off by Steve loudly snickering at the sign posted outside at the bottom of the steps.

“Guys, someone carved a dick at the bottom of this sign…wow. It’s so ridiculous, nobody has ever seen a dick that big in real life, come look,” said Steve, through bits of laughter.

The two others sighed and walked over to the sign, which read…

-The Best Detective Agency-
Mollymauk and Jester’s Paranormal Investigations

Steve frantically pointed to the corner of the sign where a small dick was carved that nearly everyone would miss when reading the sign. The sight of it made Jingle blush, and Jangle gasp.

“Blitzen’s hooves! Look at the size of it, Jingle,” Jangle said in awe, and then they all shared a laugh at the ridiculous phallic caricature.

“As if, am I right?” Said Steve, trying to keep the momentum of laughter going, and it instantly died as the other two looked at him, no longer wanting to participate in the fun.

“Obviously, it's a joke, Steve,” said Jingle, rolling his eyes.

“Shhh, do you hear what I hear?” Warned Jangle, and all three Christmas elves froze, listening intently. Sleigh Bells. They all dove for cover behind the sign, but Steve was shoved away by the other two, and standing out in the open for a moment, he spun one way, then the other, before diving into the dead and thorny bushes next to the stoop steps.

Another figure, alone and wandering this historic district of Arcadia, made their way up the street under the lights held in the mouths of the carved chocobos atop tall posts. They were swaying a little in their Santa hat, given to them by the patrons of the Earth bar they had just left after their gig was over, shaking the other present of sleigh bells as they hummed a tune, then seeing they were alone and too buzzed from free drinks to care, they pulled their guitar from where it was strapped to their back and strummed a little. The lone figure played softly, with no direction, just keeping their fingers loose until they caught a glimpse of an old manor house that looked like it was cut out of a fairytale, besides the hanging sign out in front. Their inspiration was fueled by memories of a time forever ago, and they turned the chords into a melody of a song they had not sung for over two years. Not since they had been spirited away on Christmas, to the Crossroads.

 

[Mollymauk Tealeaf]

Molly had fallen asleep in front of the illusory fire inside the massive hearth, the dial on the side of the mantle hidden behind one of the stone and marble dragon heads on either side had the option for real or illusion and just to be safe, he had wisely switched it to the one which would not have the possibility of burning down the newly purchased home and office for himself and his best friend, Jester Lavorre. An enormous and tall-backed, red, leather tufted chair held the purple Tiefling who with his propensity for the bottle, had already made some ground depleting the full wine-cellar the previous owners had left behind. His empty wine bottles were snuggled in his lap with him, curled up in the large chair, like a child holding onto his stuffed animals while he snoozed. It had been like this for him since Jester had left to see her mother, the famous and fabulous courtesan ‘The Ruby of the Sea’, for their annual holiday called Winter’s Crest the day before.

He had walked her to the door as the carriage waited outside to take her to the airbus station. His blue-skinned friend and business partner had looked him up and down, regarding him with scrutinizing eyes, till he remembered to flash his smile that he did not quite feel up to giving but seemed to always put Jester at ease.

“Molly, you’re like, going to be ok, right? It is just for a few days, and then I promise I will be back, and we will continue to find, probably, like all of the weird and spooky things happening across the Crossroads. It will be the absolute best time, so just hang in there, ok? I know, I know, how will you EVER survive without me?! Ok, I have to go, this driver is probably going to be pretty mad I made him wait so long already.... even madder when I carve a dick on the inside of his nice carriage..." Jester said with a coy and brilliant smile, full of mischief and showing fangs. The trickster Cleric had even lowered her voice at the end like she was telling a secret, like she had not carved a dick in every carriage she had ever ridden in. Molly smiled genuinely this time and they gave hugs of goodbye and reassurances all would be fine as she had departed. Molly had then immediately gone to his favorite room in the house and started picking wines at random and carrying bottles up the stairs to this chair, which had become his chair, and got to work on forgetting.

Now there he was, curled up as snug as a bug and his mind blank and sleeping in front of a fake fire, not burning in a very real and ornate fireplace. Suddenly, his bright red and pupilless eyes snapped open at a clatter on the quiet and mostly abandoned street. The house had been so quiet, no creatures were stirring, not even mice, and he rose and wobbled from his chair to see what was the matter. Looking out the large bay window of the room, facing the street, he sat on the cushion in the nook and stared out. He shook his head, and his decorated horns gave their tiny tinkling as a man in a trench coat had fallen and three small people had spilled out. The Tiefling rubbed his eyes, and looked again and they were still there. He watched them stop in front of the manor house, and then all hide, one deciding to go for the bushes that the landscaping company were coming next week to replace with something prettier and more importantly alive that Jester had picked out. Then came the stranger, walking up the street and stopping in front of their new mansion as well, playing a song for the empty street. Molly, filled with burning curiosity at this point, used deft and lithe fingers to slowly push the window up a little to hear....


It was Christmas Eve babe...in the drunk tank...an old man said to me, won't see another one...and then he sang a song...The Rare Old Mountain Dew...I turned my face away...and dreamed about you...

The three elves formerly in a trench coat had all perked up at the guitar forming chords to a song they knew quite well, as all Christmas Elves know all the hits that have ever been for the holiday to which they have always so diligently given their existence to. Jangle was almost bubbling over with excitement. He leaned over to whisper to Jingle.

"I'm sorry, dear old friend, I can't help it. I..I have to go!" Jangle said, dancing from tiny felt shoe to the other like he had to pee.

"I understand...we must," Jingle replied resolutely and turned back to Steve who was already crawling from the bushes, in tatters but with a small drum in his hand.

Got on a lucky one...came in eighteen to one...I've got a feeling...this year's for me and you....so happy Christmas...I love you baby...I can see a better time...when all our dreams come true....

The three elves swarmed the stranger in the Santa hat and guitar, Steve playing his drum in perfect rhythm to bring in the up-tempo as Jingle broke in with a tin whistle. The stranger smiled brightly and a little drunk, beaming at this new addition, wondering how much stronger the weed in 'Nona was compared to Earth's and gave a laugh as the elves came around, synchronized in perfect harmony, and they tossed the sleigh bells to Jangle who broke out in perfect timing with the next verse, his tiny voice somehow fitting wonderfully to the song.

They've got cars big as bars, they've got rivers of gold...but the wind goes right through you, it's no place for the old...when you first took my hand on that cold Christmas Eve...you promised me Broadway was waiting for me....

Molly had completely opened the window and stared down at the backs of the quartet, already falling in love with this beautiful song he had never heard before and although he did not understand some of the words they were using, he found no confusion so far in the meaning for himself. It all seemed to reach down and pull the memories he had been smothering under gallons of wine all the way to the surface of his heart and head, and he was glad for it, as he rested an elbow on the windowsill and held a hand to his cheek, smiling, really smiling.

You were handsome ...Jingle started the duet part of the song, dancing a little jig, and pointing to the stranger on their turn.

You were pretty, Queen of New York City ... The stranger sang back, as Steve and Jingle danced around them with their instruments.

When the band finished playing...they howled out for more...Sinatra was swinging, all the drunks they were singing...we kissed on the corner then danced through the night... Jangle and Santa Hat sang together, both feeling the other's energy and love for the song.

Then all four members of the impromptu band sand the chorus together, and Molly from his perch, was tapping along in amazement.

The boys of the NYPD choir were singing 'Galway Bay'...and the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day...

Jingle went completely nuts with a tin whistle solo that impressed the guitarist who gave them an excited nod, and the elf blushed a bit as he blew his heart out for a moment before the back-and-forth duet between Jangle and Santa hat started up again, Jangle going first.

You're a bum, you're a punk...

You're an old slut on junk.... lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed...

You scumbag, you maggot...you cheap lousy maggot...Happy Christmas your arse...I pray God it's our last...

Molly was blown away and was now leaning out the window with hands on the bottom of the frame, tapping his foot furiously as he was filled with so many things he never thought he would want to feel again, yet here he fucking was, and he loved it.

The chorus brought in the full quartet once again, and they really leaned into it on this one, the momentum of the joy they were having bursting out of them as they practically started yelling it.

The boys of the NYPD choir were singing 'Galway Bay'...and the bells were ringing out for Christmas day...

Now it was Steve and Santa hat who dueted with their instruments, the simple drum and guitar playing back and forth, and even Jingle and Jangle had nothing bad to say about Steve's playing.

The Stanger in the hat of their boss started the next verse of duets for them and Jangle.

I could have been someone....

Well so could anyone.... you took my dreams from me...when I first found you...

I kept them with me babe.... I put them with my own.... can't make it out alone...I built my dreams around you...

The tempo of all four instruments blared out, screaming into the quiet street, as Molly nearly cried at the last lines he had just heard. Never before had his purple pointed ears had taken in something that wrenched all the parts of him, and his heart nearly burst with bittersweet sadness and as the hairs on his arms rose, and he leaned out a little further and nearly fell out of the window as the quartet screamed the last chorus into the night.

And the boys of the NYPD choir still singing 'Galway Bay'...and the bells are ringing out for Christmas day.

When the three elves and stranger in the Santa hat finally stopped playing their instruments and shared a hearty and merry laugh. The human patted the Christmas elves' backs in turn, telling them how great they were. Steve got an appreciated nod from Jangle for his help. Then they all froze and slowly turned to look up at the open window, a shirtless and purple devil covered in tattoos and scars clapping madly in appreciation.

"Ya boy, what day is it?" Molly called down, still a laugh on his lips, and flashing his grin, as he braced himself again, and tucked inside a little to keep from almost falling again.

"I'm a grown ass woman, first of fucking foremost, my dude," Came the reply from the young woman in the Santa hat, as they pushed thier guitar on its strap to their back once again.

"Ah, right, so ya are. Well, I was talkin' ta the little ones ya got there anyway, but who cares. Come on inside, get out o' the chill and warm yerselves up, I'll set the fire ta real..." Molly called down.

"Hard pass, my dude...you uh...look like you might eat these little guys, man," The young lady said and started to continue on down the street.

"I have an entire wine cellar that is most nearly fully stocked, and it's all free, save fer the price o' maybe another song?" Molly offered, and the Santa hat lady froze mid-step and spun around. They looked to the three elves, two of which were nodding furiously and the third seemed to be looking at something attached to his belt.

"Well, if he tries to eat any of my new little muses, I promise I'll gut em' for you, huh?" They said with a wry laugh and started up the stoop. Steve followed on her heels, and Jingle and Jangle dragged back a few steps.

"What is it, Jingle? Did the compass change? Is this not the vessel?" Jangle asked in a hushed tone.

"No, Jangle, old friend....even better...look!" Jingle said quiet but excitedly.

Jangle looked passed the compass, to the other gadget tied to the belt of Jingle, shaped like a star, it was the Christmas miracle finder, and the little tree topper replica was blinking red and green alternatingly. They both down at it then up at the new musician friend entering the house below the window with the Purple Devil. Then they rushed inside after them, a feeling of hope they had not felt in ages, urging their steps faster.

 

[Mollymauk Tealeaf]

If Jingle and Jangle had not been so distracted by the Christmas miracle alert, one of them would have for sure noticed the icy breeze that had followed them in. If the two prominent and respected community leaders of Christmas Elves had just even looked up to see Molly shiver as he rubbed his bare shoulders, they would have known instantly they had been followed. As it remained, they just came in on the heels of the Tiefling inside the enormous foyer that opened to a grand staircase, which seemed to go on forever upwards. The house was barely lit here and there, until Molly flipped a switch, and the place was filled with a soft and white glow from an ornate chandelier hanging attached to the ceiling far above them.

“So uh, are you, like, some lord of hell or something?” The stranger asked, gawking around and trying to hide their awe, ineffectively.

The Lavender skinned Devil barked a laugh, “The hells would be so lucky to have dear ole Molly, I can tell ya that fer free…no, none of that, Good Bard, my friend and I have been accumulating coin fer a few years, comin’ by it honestly…comin’ by it sometimes honestly. We actually just wrapped up something pretty major an’ I figured ta browse around an old house in the woods a bit, and lo and behold I was rewarded fer my troubles with some very rare vintages that I was convinced ta not drink while I was recoverin’ from some mighty wounds, let me tell ya…anyway, the rest is history an’ here we all are. So ta answer yer question, Good Bard, I am indeed a Lord of hells, and welcome ta the infernal dwellin’ of yer Nightmares!” The Showman finished and realized in that moment, he had indeed been lonely and missing someone to talk to.

“Huh. Alright, my dude, sounds good. So wine? Eh? Ehhhh?” came the partially slurred response of the stranger. She had taken off the hat to reveal bright red hair, and in the light her freckles showed easily, covering her entire face. She did not take off her coat, but instead hugged herself against a sudden chill. “Kind of cold in here, huh? You said you had a fire going?” She asked and looked around to be pointed towards it. Molly smiled warmly at her and the others.

“Follow me, Good Bard and her minstrels!” He started up the staircase and turned as he walked the steps backwards, showing off a causal grace as he looked the four guests over. “Can we maybe start with some names, then?”

“Jingle, Jangle, and Steve...we are very thankful for your generosity and in keeping with the spirit of the holiday, Molly, was it? We actually just met this wonderful young lady out on the street…we were going for a walk,” Jingle answered, having pointed to himself, then his old friend and colleague, and then to Steve, trying to not sneer.

“Just a stroll to exercise the old legs,” added Jangle, shaking his tiny adorable little felt covered tootsies as the tiny bell at the curved tip gave a little noise. Molly smiled and shook his head, answering the sound with his own tinkling from his horns, which he was fond of doing.

“Yeah, we uh, definitely weren’t walking around trying to find a vessel to house all the souls-” Steve was cut off by an elbow to the gut from Jangle and nearly tumbled down the stairs. Molly and the Red-headed Bard both stopped and looked at each other before the musician answered Molly’s question themselves.

“Addison, but I like ‘Bard’, I have become a wholly new person since being zapped here and I think it's a good name for a new start. Been holding onto it too long since coming to the Crossroads, and…maybe I’ve been holding onto a lot of things too long…” Addison said, trailing off a bit to look around, losing their trail of thought and shaking their head slightly to wave off whatever distant times had seized their attention for a moment.

Molly could see the familiar fight with unwanted memories in her vibrant green eyes and they started to bring about his own and very much not welcome memories, something he was also trying to avoid. “Right! Enough o’ that then, We should be celebratin’ the discovery o’ new friends, now come on all of you. Third floor, second door on the right…It’s the one with the absolutely gorgeously designed fireplace-” Molly was saying, arms out in a welcoming manner when Addison had bolted past him, took a leap on the banister only as wide as her tattered converse high-tops and started walking up the wooden railing, leaving behind footprints in the dust. Molly laughed and raced her up the stairs going backwards the whole time, laughter and excitement rising in him. Two souls trying very hard to distract themselves, both well equipped to do that exact thing.

The elves hung back, knowing they would not be suspected on account of their tiny legs.

“She’s from home!” Cried Jangle, conspiratorial. Watching the two tall-folk race one another, sure they were out of ear shot but still being quiet despite his growing hope.

“I know, I know, we might not even need the purple one to be a vessel at all! Our hands can be clean! All our hands can be clean! Oh, Merry Christmas indeed, old friend!” Jingle cried in hushed tones. They held hands at the first landing on the second floor and danced together in a circle, giving happy but quiet shouts of glee. That is when they noticed Steve, standing nervously to the side of them, a hand at the back of his head, looking guilty.

The two dancing elves stopped their reverie and glared sharpened candy canes at him.

“What?!” The taller elf demanded. He could not meet either of their eyes, and he seemed like he wanted to run out of the place.

“Fucking- Steve, what did you do?” Jingle asked calmly, eyeing him up from the bells on his shoes, to the bell on his hat.

“You sorry excuse for reindeer shit! You told him! Jingle, he TOLD the fat man! He told the fucking imposter!” Jangle accused, and Jingle had to hold him back from tackling Steve down the stairs they had just come up.

“He’s not an imposter! He’s still Santa, guys!” Steve fired back defensively, and in that moment, he knew he had admitted his guilt. The look on his cohorts faces shamed the tall elf to his core.

“We have to tell them! We have to tell them he is coming! It’s fine, we will just be honest. Mr. Molly, sorry, we were going to sacrifice you in a ritual based on the amount of soul you are missing from your body, but it was only to save the lives of hundreds of elves who have been misplaced…” Jangle rambled, now visibly shaken.

“We have never done this sort of thing, and it would have been regretful, but we are being subjected to a life that nobody should have to live and being forced to partake in heinous activity in our abuse that threatens countless lives all across Arcadia…” Jingle picked up and rambled back. The two nodded at each other, liking where this was going, and relieved at being able to be honest. The lie since entering under false pretense had felt like hard candy and spoiled milk in their bellies.

“Uhhh, guys…um…” Steve’s voice trailed off as they looked to where he was pointing, and all three elves huddled together in fear.

Floating lazily around the vibrant chandelier was the enforcer known as Jack frost, in his tangible state. He resembled the trio of Elves stretched out to over six feet, but everything on him from his shoes, skin, hat, clothes, were all a soft blue hue of ancient ice.

“Well, well, well. Look what we have here…A vessel eh? Tsk, tsk. Well done, Steve, for leading me here, I think Santa might let you keep your ears after all this, but YOU TWO…haha, oh by golly, it’ll be jolly to see what he has in store for the both of you,” Jack said and floated upside down, his arms crossed till he was right in front on them on the landing, then he righted himself and stepped onto the old wood, a patch of ice where his feet touched the material ground.

Jangle growled and shoved a candy cane shank at him, but he smacked at the tiny figure and sent him flying against the wall, luckily not too far away, but Jangle did not dare get up. Jack stared at him with cold-dead eyes.

“You ungrateful little cretin. Tsk tsk. That will not do, now I ask…where are the other two? Warming up by the fire? Well, they will the situation has become dire, nor will they find warmth tonight after my flight.” Jack said in a sing-song tone. “As for you, you'll find no vessel home, you're no elves, just sorry excuses for a south pole gnome,” Jack sneered and chided, laughing his whimsy laugh that never left his throat, and dripping with malice. The three elves gasped at the gnome insult, despite their fear. “Well, anyway, time to nip at some nosies, before I give them the frozies, ta-ta!” Jack finished and turned into a swirling group of almost indiscernible snowflakes, blowing past them and leaving them all chilled.

“Ugh, I fucking HATE that guy,” said Jangle, getting up and staring at Jingle, not able to even look at Steve.

“Well, we can help. We all brought supplies for the kidnapping, now let’s put them to a better use. We're Christmas Elves, we pivot when we encounter a problem...remember the Christmas' during the black plague? Steve, I hate you right now, you fucking marshmallow spine, but I hope you are ready to redeem yourself,” Jingle said, and offered his hand to the traitor, as Jangle scoffed and crossed his arms.

“I’ll do anything!” Cried Steve sincerely, and he took out his hard-candy knuckles, placing them over the fingers of both his hands. Jingle gave a nod of approval.

“I just hope that Purple Devil knows how to fight, or we are all doomed…” Grumbled Jangle as they made their way on tiny legs up to the third floor.

 

[Mollymauk Tealeaf]

Molly was showing Addison how the dial worked and making small conversation in whatever rich people called this type of room they were in, the Tiefling investigators and new owners had yet to even clean out most of them. The furniture had come with the house, among so many other things, and the large leather chair the flamboyant hunter had been basically living in now faced the backs of the duo looking behind the ear of the ornately carved dragon head.

“...Well make sure to turn it up, these old places can get a bit drafty. I still can’t believe you and your friend were able to get something like this, it’s a really remarkable place you have. How long have you two been here?” Addison said, continuing the idle conversation and even Molly with his infernal blood always running a little hot seemed to be hoping that it heated up quickly, as they huddled around the hearth. “Here. This is a little too big for me, but I want it back. It’s no biggie, I got it from one of the patrons tonight and its nearly Christmas…so…Merry Christmas, kind of,” The musician said with a smile and handed over a sweater. Molly nodded thanks and even though he was not used to wearing even shirts, the chill was making his blood get a little hot to keep up and he acquiesced.

The Peacock Tarot-man looked down at the wool fabric, and was thankful it was just a vest, and he instantly enjoyed how gaudy it was. A bright green button up cardigan sweater with all sorts of different colored trees on it, red, yellow, lighter green, and white with little splats of colors on each one. Molly gave a little laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

“What is this supposed ta be, then?” Molly asked, putting it on and buttoning it up. He was still grateful for the lack of sleeves, at least.

“Oh, right. It’s a Christmas sweater, those are Christmas trees. We decorate them, those little dots are ornaments we hang on them during the holiday,” Addison Informed him with a smile, seeing how ridiculous this horned and lavender skinned devil-man wearing the ugly cardigan looked.

“Ah, right. Christmas. From the song, I take it you and those little fellas share this holiday then. Ta answer ya question; we haven't been here long. I took a little bit ta recover from some pretty grievous wounds in our last investigation…” and he left out the part about not all of them being physical. “But it’s good ta have a healer as yer best friend, I can tell ya,” Molly sighed and rubbed his hands against the fire and checked the dial. It was on real so why wasn’t the room getting any warmer? “So, what is this Christmas yer all goin’ on about-”

The sound of bottles being brushed off his comfy red sleeping chair, made Molly realize in an instant his blood was not heating up because of the cold, but because of whatever monster was now in the house and in the room. His instincts made him turn around casually as he heard Addison give a small scream and cover her mouth, having spun on a dime at the noise. The monster spoke as Molly finally turned fully, adding all his swagger to the slow turn, showing he was not worried in the least. This was his home, the first he had, and this abomination was trespassing on sacred ground.

“Well, well. You two were so busy talking I got a little bored. Ah, a human! From earth! Well Merry Christmas and a happy new year, let’s give some holiday cheer! How absolutely wondrous - now which one of you is the vessel…” Jack said, letting his eyes show the hunger and crazed gleam at his eagerness to complete his mission.

“First, yer NOT welcome here, so please leave…. second, so…what are ya supposed ta be bein’ then?” Molly quipped and showed a fearless grin as his blood really started to heat up in earnest.

The uninvited creature looked like some variation of elf himself, pointed ears with a crown of icicles around the nightcap looking hat he wore. He looked like he was outfitted to be a court jester, but everything on him was the palest blue, like the hunter’s own sword when he imbued it with cold damage dealing properties. The intruder's skin glistened with shiny crystalline fragments throughout, like frozen ground, and a row of icicles to match the smaller ones around the hat went around his waist but larger, like small swords instead of daggers. The smile was filled with pointed teeth and the eyes looked as unfeeling and cold as the heart of winter itself.

“I am Jack Frost, and I go where the winter winds take me to play, and now they have brought me here, to make you pay,” The creature of cold said with a giggle, and kicked his feet in the air, lounging splayed out on his back between armrests.

Just then, the sound of tiny footsteps and Molly almost broke his stare down with Jack by laughing at the noise they made. The three Christmas elves burst into the room and spread out around the back of the chair, while their adversary continued to lounge and meet his brilliant blue eyes to Molly’s crimson ones.

He noticed in his peripherals that Jangle was motioning to Addison, and she was nervously trying not to be obvious about seeing what he was pantomiming, but the upside to not having pupils is enemies cannot follow your gaze so easily.

“Yer guitar…Good Bard…” Molly whispered to her covertly, as he turned his back on the iceman. "Ya don’t scare me, ya villainous cold bastard. I’ve fought bigger and badder!” Molly yelled out and spun to throw an old antique mantle clock at his chair with the unwelcome newcomer. Before the clock could hit the JAck Frost, he burst into a floating bunch of snowflakes and zipped around the room. Jingle wasted not a moment, diving to the floor to start sketching something with a large crayon.

Jangle was shouting in an instant seeing the transformed Jack in his flurry state. “Play a song with his name in it when Jingle gives you the go ahead, he can't hear us right now!” He shouted hurriedly, and for being new to all this, the musician sprang into action, showing incredible acrobatic skill, they took two leaps and landed on top of a desk near the corner of the room towering over Jingle guitar at the ready. Molly dove and rolled to his chair, where his swords rested against the back of it, and came to a fighting stance as Santa’s enforcer rematerialized into its humanoid form. Steve came over to stand next to Molly, a pair of glossy and ceramic looking knuckles on each hand and gave a stern nod to his new partner in battle. Molly nodded back and they charged across the room. Jack breathed in deep, and blew an icy breath blast at them, which both avoided, Steve diving to one side and Molly the other. Then they both came in again, the hunter put his swords together as he charged in a big swinging arc, but two icicles parried the swords, shattering on impact and making a tin explosion that drove the peacock showman back a step. Steve nearly got a punch on a frosty kneecap but was too slow for the wintry fighter and tumbled on his over-step.

“Tsk, tsk. It seems that I may just have to kill you all, how boring, you want to dance, welcome to the winter ball!” Jack Frost yelled out with glee as he made a large snowball appear and launched it at Molly, who put his cross blades up to block, but was still thrown from his feet against the wall near the mantle. He stood up and in a moment of clear thinking, turned the dial up high as it could go, and the fireplace erupted with controlled flames.

Molly dodged two more snowballs as he moved in cautiously, both smacking into the thick wood of the walls behind and giving shudders, but not breaking through. The hunter made a blood sacrifice by slicing his exposed arms with each sword in the opposite hand and they ignited with fire and ice. He stared at the blade with the arctic sheen and wondered how well it would work, but as another snowball whizzed past his horns, he decided it did not matter.

“NOW!” Jingle shouted and Jangle threw a bright gold colored ornament that exploded in sparkles and some sort of sparkly dust at the frozen henchman's feet. He made a noise as he was thrown from his feet and landed on his back. The bard wasted no time in strumming instantly and belted out a song.

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…JACK FROST nipping at your nose…

The monster named in the song only laughed from the far corner of the room as he rose, standing to his full height and removing something from under his shirt, some sort of amulet, shaped like a tiny horn. Jangle gasped from somewhere behind Molly who was in the middle between. Steve dove between the Tiefling’s legs and sprang up into a dead run at the king of winter, winding up for another big swing, but Jack Frost merely smirked and turned into his flurry form, scooping the charging Elf up as snowflakes swirled around the yelping Steve as he was carried out of the room.

“It’s a golden reindeer amulet, it blocks my incantation to weaken his elemental powers!” Jingle cried, looking at his useless glyph drawn with crayon on the hardwood floor.

“Well… how does that work, then. Couldn’t ya just reverse it?” Molly yelled out as he raced after in pursuit, swords powered up and his hunter’s blood hungry for monster slaying.

“Reverse it, huh. Miss Addison, get us near him…we have tiny legs….” Jingle said sheepishly.

Molly saw the floating Steve up near the chandelier in the main entryway and gritted his teeth in fright at harm coming to the cute Elf as he was forced to snatch onto the light fixture quickly as the snowflakes coalesced into the form of Jack Frost again who floated nearby. Then he flew at Molly as the hunter leaped onto the second-floor landing. Molly barely had time to get his swords up to block and was thrown back by the explosions of two of the hat-icicle-daggers. Jack did not relent, taking another two swords approach as he snapped off two long frozen blades from around his waist.

Molly noticed this and got an idea. A wonderfully awful idea. He moved to dodging the thrusts and slices from the icicle swords and lashed out with his fire blade, aiming at the tips of the icy points hanging from Jack's hips. One ice sword exploded, the force of which caused the others to as well, and Molly and Jack were blown off the landing by the force, falling down the long length of steps. As the hunter tumbled down, he saw Addison surfing down his dusty banister with two elves on her shoulders.

The human and Christmas elf trio landed softly on the ground floor, and Jingle got to work nearby as Jangle unleashed sharpened candy canes, the recovering Winter’s soldier had to roll to dodge as red and white pinstriped candied of death stabbed into the floor as he moved across the floor back to stomach to back. Molly was up on his feet and took a stumble step as he regained balance. Jack bounded up as well, but quicker on the recovery and punched Molly square in his beautiful face, then lashed out and sliced with an icicle dagger snapped off from his hat. The pain burned Molly, bad, as he felt the cold chill creeping across his shoulder and down his struck arm. No blood, just numbness and pain, and he dropped his fire sword.

“Tsk, tsk. Probably shouldn’t have dropped thaaaat. Although, I like that frosty sword you have, I may take it from your cold dead fingers,” Jack mocked, and Molly, with only one working arm, batted away one strike after another.

“NOW!” Jingle cried, and the second attempt at the glyph ward was underway. Addison strummed and blared out, leaning into a gruff and croaking style of singing.

Im Mr. Green Christmas…Im Mr. Sun…Im Mr. Heat Blister…I’m Mr. One Hundred and one…they call me Heat Miser…whatever I touch, starts to melt in my clutch…I’m too much

As the lyrics blared out in the gravelly voice Addison was singing in, the crayon drawn glyph lit up and swirled with red and green hues. Jack Frost screamed in agony, as his daggers started to melt from around his hat. He growled and charged at the Bard, but Molly sliced at his leg as he ran by with the frost blade and the Lord of Winter who was losing that title from the magic of the song and sigil went down to one knee. Then, Steve yelled a battle cry and fell from the chandelier, landing on the shoulders of the Cold killer. He sang out the next lines of the song to the tune of the guitar and a tiny trumpet that Jangle had somehow pulled out of somewhere.

He’s Mister Heat Miser…He’s Mr. Sun…He’s Mr. Heat Blister…He’s Mr. One Hundred and one!

As Steve landed punch after punch with his hard-candy knuckles against the skull of Jack Frost, the former terror of Winter crumpled to the ground as the tall Elf screamed the lines of the song. Blue gooey blood was splattering all over him and he kept punching until he was just smacking a pile of pulp with his tiny fists. Molly came over and put a hand on his shoulder and Steve got off the corpse of the former Jack Frost. Panting heavy and a little dazed. but he gave a smile up at his fighting partner. Molly gave him a wink and a grin for his troubles in reply.

Jingle and Jangle ran over to the third member of their band and while Jingle gave him a hug, even Jangle reached out a hand for a handshake and Steve beamed with pride.

“Well, enough o’ this, then. Shave an Arbiter’s balls, what is going on! Good Bard, do you know?” Molly asked Addison who shook her head. “Right. Then ya three little adorable bastards better start talkin’...” He warned and raised his working sword arm at them not threateningly but still imposing.

The three Christmas Elves gulped simultaneously.

 

[Mollymauk Tealeaf]

“A sacrificial ritual ta use me fer housing all yer little friends isn’t so bad, I guess…but if this big ole’ fat man ya keep goin’ on about opressin’ the lot of ya is so bad, why haven’t ya just risen up again the bastard?” Molly asked, and handed Addison her own wine bottle as he grabbed one for himself, blowing some dust off of it as he led them around the house back to the main foyer. Everyone but Molly was in awe of the space around them as they ascended and descended levels of the house, walking down long hallways that seemed to have no end, passing countless doors on their journey, some marked with handwritten signs nailed to them like ‘Do not open” or “Leave it alone”.

“Well, you see he controls all of Christmas Alley, we made him too strong by accident,” Jingle answered. Now it was the young red-haired musician who spoke up, the first time since Jack Frost’s head got pulverized by the Elf named Steve. She seemed to be taking it all in stride, and Molly was fairly impressed, but this was life in the crossroads after all, everyone from everywhere all at once and you never knew what you might see in a day.

“What do you mean when you say you made him? She asked, handing the bottle back to Molly to try the same technique with his fangs he had just used to open his own bottle. He grinned and obliged, then handed it back and she took a decent swig, steeling herself for the ridiculousness that had become her night with some of the dark red liquid courage.

They were back up from the wine cellar, and walking along another stretching corridor, before turning down yet another endless seeming hall of the same sort. If Molly had not been so confident on where he was going, they would have all certainly felt like they were lost inside this mansion that just seemed to increase in size the more they explored.

“It’s why we hated Steve for so long, he was in charge of the cloning process,” Jangle announced with a shrug, and Steve for his part just nodded in acceptance.

“I used a Christmas edition Coca-Cola can for my basis…one thing led to another, and I basically cloned an ultra-capitalist Santa, it really is my fault, but I am tired of making excuses for him. He is NOT our Santa. Our Santa was kind and didn’t force us to live like this. I’m with you guys one hundred percent, he has to go,” Steve piped up, puffing out his little chest and looking resolute.

“Oh wow, does this mean Santa really does exist on earth? That’s amazing, but still…even after everything I have seen in the last two years, it is hard to swallow, my little dudes. I’m not a little kid, I know it’s parents, guys. So, what do you actually do?” Addison said, eyeing them all with amusement.

“Maybe that’s what we WANT you to think…eh? No, I am kidding, by golly, we spread Christmas cheer. It’s our greatest joy of existence. It’s what we have always done in whatever capacity since we met Saint Nicholas and shared with him our secrets. We make toys, sure, but never for every kid…it’s much different than what you were raised to believe. Since we have existed, we have watched humans gather round in winter and we bring the reminder, our entire life’s work generation after generation…The dark is here, and the cold is coming,” Jingle explained as they finally were back in the foyer.

“The dark is here, and the cold is coming,” Jangle and Steve echoed as one. If their voices weren't so pint-sized and cheerful it would have sounded ominous.

The battered and bloody body of the earlier intruder was now rolled up in the probably quite valuable antique rug, previously directly under the chandelier that had come with the house, which the iceman happened to be conveniently beaten to death on. Molly nodded, and got to work dragging it away, and was gone for a few moments. They all heard a loud growl, and then a door being slammed shut. He came back moments later holding the golden and miniature reindeer antler necklace Jack Frost had worn. He handed it over to Jingle who gladly accepted, tucking it inside his vestment along with all his other Christmas themed gizmos and gadgets.

“What was that”? Addison asked, eyes wide but curious.

“We have a door down that hallway, one o’ the ‘Do not open’ ones, it’s mostly just a giant mouth with thousands o’ teeth and a never-ending throat. I tossed him in that…. I’m sure next time we open the door in a few days, it’ll spit the rug out, hopefully. I really feel it brings this room together, I’d like it back. It’s an odd house, sure, no one is sayin' it's not, and that’s exactly why we bought it, love,” Molly said and sighed appreciatively looking around his new dwellings. “Well, enough o’ that then, are we gonna go get rid of this Santa fella’ and free yer people?” Molly asked, grinning at the Christmas elves who shifted nervously.

“So, what you are telling me, is that since the dawn of human existence, since fucking Mesopotamia…you have been observing humans and bringing them joy and togetherness throughout the winter?” Addison asked, disregarding Molly for the moment, as her mind was absolutely blown by what she heard about her home world.

“Well not Mesopotamia, we stayed local for a long time…how many thousands of years?” Jangle asked Jingle.

“Oh, lots. Till we heard about Saint Nick. Long way from where WE were to your modern-day Turkey, I can tell you that”, Jingle answered.

“Those Romans knew how to build a road, though. That was a blessing, for sure.” Steve added, and his other two companions nodded in agreement, already on their way to forgiving him for creating this whole mess after his display of courage against Jack Frost.

Molly was at the door, and he cleared his throat. “So…are we gonna go and save yer little Christmas village or stand around? I figure we can be turnin’ this into a wine, walking, and talking session, then?” The hunter chimed in, interrupting the history lesson.

The four all nodded in agreement and followed him out the door, entering the cool and crisp air of the Arcadian night, the street lined with glowing chocobo heads still as empty as it had been when they first arrived.

 

[Mollymauk Tealeaf]

“...and yer sayin’ that the good bard and I meetin’ set off that device then?... What is it?” Molly was asking as they walked up the steps coming off of the subway to one of many tightly packed and bustling shopping districts that littered the lower levels of Arcadia. The street they came out to was familiar to Addison, who had been talking during their subway ride about her luck being able to find work playing music at a lot of the more niche ‘Earth’ bars that were scattered about all over, and how relieved she was for a solid rotation to garner some semblance of income.

“It’s a Christmas Miracle finder ...it’s what made us realize we didn’t have to kidnap you after all, Mr. Molly.” Jingle said, not without a small amount of shame detected in his even smaller voice. “But once we saw the alert, it was incontrovertible. You two were going to save us all!” The Christmas Elf said, all shame leaving as insurmountable glee rose out of him, and he even did a little jig, his two small fellows joined right in, smack dab in the middle of the sidewalk outside the all-night noodle-shop and arcade, the sound of pinball and loud slurping playing background to the sound of their shoe bells.

“Pffft, a Christmas Miracle finder? Come on, my little dudes. I mean, this is all already too ridiculous to believe, but now you’re talking like a hallmark movie or even worse, like, something involving a fucking made up Dutch prince and an American fashion designer on Netflix…not for nothing and no offense, Molly, my dude, but I am not falling in love with you, …even if you turn out to a Prince of hell,” said Addison, and she stopped by a street-meat vendor and got…something? on a stick for her and Molly, the Elves shaking their heads when offered, trying to hide their disgust.

“I really do regret to inform ya o' how absolutely unsure I am of whether or not I do come from royalty. Also, I think I have hit my limit fer falling in love fer a while, I was fine before it, and I would rather be fine after the nonsense I have been through…” Molly said, and trailed off as he took the stick and ate it without question.

“Well, that’s just it, a Christmas Miracle is wasted on something as trivial and fleeting as holiday romance,” Jangle spoke up, and he spit on the ground to emphasize his point.

“No one knows how it will manifest, but if the alert is going off, that is rare…it has ‘Miracle’ in the title, after all…” Steve said, and looked at them sheepishly, till he got an off-handed ‘fair enough’ as the two tall beings shrugged, and he beamed at the small approval to words that had left his mouth. It had been so long for Steve since he had any positive recognition of any sort.

They walked, the five, down another block and turned at a microbrewery that all suggested all the ingredients were sourced locally from Erde Nona in the Hinterlands and Molly turned his smile to a frown thinking about the probable forced and unpaid back-breaking labor that came from the people farming those hops and barley. One batch of oppressed workers at a time, though, was all he could manage, and the Elves were here now in front of him.

The hunter broke the silence. “I have never pretended ta be a prince before, but I have posed as a Lord quite a few times…all in good fun, I used ta be in the carnival, surprisin', I know…” and he gave them all a playful grin before he continued. “We went all over ‘Nona, sometimes more welcome than others, but I can tell ya, it feels pretty good ta be helpin’ peoples with some baron or thug or what have ya, lording over ‘em. The trick is, and this is the biggest part o' the whole facade…there’s always bigger fish. Just gotta figure out who that fish is!” The ostentatious showman said and gave his red-haired companion a soft elbow to the ribs as he raised his eyebrows, big smile spread over his face and showing fang.

“That's actually pretty decent advice if I ever run into that, but I have heard enough stories to keep my ass in Arcadia until I die…or find some way home. Nobody has ever gotten out of the crossroads, though…not from what I’ve been told,” Addison said, the wine bringing about a short spell of maudlin.

“Ah, Good Bard, don’t get yourself down. I am currently scouring all the books I can get my hands on, going through the absolute dustiest collections of old spell scrolls I can get these sexy hands on, tryin’ and tryin’ ta find a way back ta a wife I was myself whisked away from…an' I’m FROM here…” the peacock hunter said, and pushed away the contagious downward cynicism that he was only so accepting of just mere hours ago.

“Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah…this definitely has the groundwork of a Christmas Miracle!” Came one the small and whimsy voices belonging to the small new compatriots. Turning around, Molly and Addison saw the elves smiling so big, their normally large eyes were like slits. They were all making the same sort of “EEEEE” sound.

“Oh, settle down, you’re gonna start pissing tinsel and shitting garland,” Addison chided, rolling her eyes.

The three elves suddenly looked very shocked and made a small huddle, but the words “How does she know?!” were heard, then quick shushes from all of them, before they hurried up to keep pace with their two saviors.

“So, what’s the plan, anyway? We get in there an’ I fire up these bad boys an' call out the big ole bastard, boom! Suudenly all yer friends come in an’ riot. Tear it all down?!” The hunter asked, slapping his swords at his side, and looking fantastic in his festive and ugly sleeveless cardigan.

“Errr, well it is probably best to take on all the minions first…Jack Frost was just one of his hired henchmen, but since we cloned Capitalist Santa, it’s like he instantly knew he would need muscle and took over the process to make hired help…in his image of course,” said Jingle and all three of the elves shuddered.

“Frosty used to be my friend…I was a groomsman at his wedding…” said Jangle solemnly and put a hand over his large eyes as he tried to regain control of his emotions.

“The grinch is who I am saddest about…if only there was a way to reverse it! Damn Nutcrackers can go sit on a popsicle!” cried Steve, then put a tiny hand over his mouth at his own apparent foul language. At least the outburst broke Jangle out of his sadness, because he looked up at Steve and gave him a clap on the back.

“Well, you can’t let the Devil out his cage without him comin’ ta dance fer his due,” Molly said, and gave a confident pose, showing off the weapons at his side.

“That is not an expression anywhere, even here,” Addison quipped, and they stared at each other for a moment.

“Anyway, what’s this about reversing? Like back at the house with the Iceman?” The lavender showman said quickly, changing the subject.

“Jack Frost? Yes, and no. We would need the original source material and do an altering incantation of sorts…we have been talking about that for quite a bit, but there is not a lot to be found across the block…we aren't allowed to leave, just have to keep making Furby’s,” answered Jingle.

“Oh, like this? Do you want the book or the movie?” Addison offered, and rummaged through her side satchel until she pulled up a red book with a green man on the cover that Molly had never seen before, but he knew a monster when he saw one. The case she pulled free, had an even realer looking version of the green beast.

“That some sort o’ horror-themed thing…doesn’t seem right ta be readin’ and showin’ that during yer holidays…” The lavender devil said, warily, instantly thinking he had this Christmas thing all wrong.

“What? No! It’s a story about a guy who hates Christmas and then he realizes it’s about...well what they said, ‘The dark is here, and the cold is coming’, and then he turns nice and carves a roast beast and returns all the things he stole and- oh, for fuck’s sake, their making that sound again!” Addison said, turning to the diminutive trio.

“EEEEEEE,” they all hummed with excitement.

“SETTLE DOWN!” The red-haired Bard yelled at them, and they did, instantly.

“Well, will this be helpin’ ya then, Good Elf, Jingle?” Molly asked.

The cookies in Jingle’s brain-oven were baking fast as he nodded furiously, then grabbed the hands of the other two of his kind and they were off, dancing in a circle and sharing a laugh as sweet as sugar plums, while bells on hats and shoes rang out softly.

Molly and Addison just sighed and leaned against the wall till they were done, Molly started the conversation.

“So why do ya be just havin’ the exact thing they need, eh? Another part of the Miracle?” Molly asked, curious.

“Ha, yeah, I wouldn’t attribute it to that…I lost my dad, it’s fine, it was years ago when I was twelve…anyway, yeah, so he loved this. Every Christmas, he read this, and we watched the movie, he loved Jim Carrey, the actor who plays him in the movie, go figure he acted just like him always so over-the-top... and so I continued the tradition with my little brother and sister. They weren’t his, my parents had me young, they were never married or anything…why am I talking about this? Must be the wine…” Addison said, and sighed big as she tapped the back of her head against the brick wall to an all-night karaoke bar, some song unrecognizable to either of them being sung badly making its way through the dark tinted windows with neon lights.

The Elves were suddenly upon her, neither Molly nor Addison having realized they were listening. They all wrapped their little arms around her waist as she tried to protest, but they stared up at her with large eyes so full of understanding and sincerity and warmth that she conceded defeat and hugged them back as Molly put a hand on her shoulder.

“Thanks guys,” she said, wiping her eyes a little, then sniffing and pulling out the wine, sighed and put it back in her bag.

“Right. Enough o’ this, then. Let’s keep movin’, how much father…er-farther have we got?” The Tiefling asked and made an apologetic face. Addison laughed and rolled her eyes as Molly shook his head at himself, making a tinkle sound with his horns that brought a smile to the musician’s lips. She patted him on the back and gave him a smile of reassurance.

“We’re here…” Said all three elves at once, and they all looked at an iron-wrought gate that was heavily shackled with locks, a dark and empty alley all that lay beyond.

The gate itself was magnificent when given to closer inspection. An image of a man in a sleigh pulled by reindeer with stars trailing behind him was welded perfectly and without mistake over each of the bars. The keyhole was a large evergreen that matched the ones on Molly’s new sleeveless cardigan, all the locks were in the shapes of ginger-bread men and snowflakes.

“You just…walk through…here hold our hands just to be safe, Mr. Molly. Miss Addison will be fine, she has been touched by the Spirit of Christmas, something that never truly goes away," said Steve, smiling brightly up to her.

“Oh? And what is the secret to getting the Spirit of Christmas?” She asked, amused.

“Knowing that the dark is here, and the cold is coming….” Replied Steve, and he took her hand in his small one, smiling up at her.

“Oh,” she said, less amused. “Right, ok. Let’s uhh, free your people, my little dudes,” she added resolutely. Molly grinned at all of them, holding a small hand in each of his as they passed through the iron gate itself.

Coming out the other side, the two non-elves were blown away by the lights and sounds of Christmas Alley, their mouths hanging open, and 'alley' it was anything but.

 

[Mollymauk Tealeaf]

“Elfton John, NOOOO!!” Both Addison and Molly yelled as their favorite newly met Elf went flying across the workshop, to land in a pile of empty Christmas boxes, his rhinestone lined Gucci hat with a crystal bell on top spilling across the floor, sliding almost the whole distance across the factory floor to them. They heard the mighty laugh from Capitalist Santa as he bellowed his “HO, HO, HO!”, in delight at his hench-snowman ‘Frosty’ smacking at the swarm of Christmas elves left and right with his broomstick handle, that looked like a cudgel and was used like one too.

“Get his hat, we can do it!” Yelled the familiar voice of Jangle as he regrouped a dispersed flank to push towards removing the Snowman’s top hat, which was proving rather difficult, and the way he guarded the large oaken and ornately gilded doors to the upper catwalk where the cage containing the corrupted Grinch was held, he seemed to be made of stone rather than snow. The bottom level where large multi-colored giant lights on strings cast their glow upon a never-ending conveyer belt of small creatures with big eyes that Molly now knew to be called ‘Furbys’, all had been chaos for a while now, and the fighting brutal.

Molly kicked out against one of the giant nutcrackers, slow moving but seemingly indomitable in their forward marches, large mouth snapping like an automated guillotine. He dropped his levels after, dipping low and putting the energy in his legs to spring up, his imbued sword raging like an inferno as it slashed the same wooden soldier with the snapping mouth across the eyes. This gave the hunter the opening he needed to slash down and ‘hamstring’ the thick wooden leg but using his other sword of ice to freeze the small step taking nutcracker to the workshop floor. The tactic worked to the hunter’s relief, and he cleaved at its neck, then sprinted to close the distance to help deal with Frosty the snow guard. Addison took her own route involving amazing acrobatics that would make her a welcome attraction at any carnival. She was incredible in her climbing, flipping, and leaping all over the spiraling conveyor belt as little now alive Furby all tried to nip at her Converse shoes all the while. Molly was thankful they were an immobile seeming species, whatever they were, and also reminded himself to give her the names of some contacts in case she ever got bored with playing bars.

“Right, enough o’ this shit,” Molly growled and then let out a battle-cry as he charged his shoulder into another nutcracker blocking his path, the thing only stalled for a second before trying to embrace him and put his body in its maw to snap him like a walnut. He brought his glowing orange sword up, flames dancing off of it as he stabbed out, letting it snap its jaws on the sharp side. Fire spilled into its face, stuck and defenseless as arms went waving wild up and down, unable to open its gaping mouth to be free of the flames burning it. The hunter howled and jumped up to wrap its legs around the waist of the wooden soldier as it spun in a circular motion towards the goal.

Miss Addison, the book. I need the book! came Jingle’s plea in both their heads. Molly was still getting used to his guest pass in this activated hive mind they had going on with all the tiny hyperborean workers, but it was at least calming to know they had an open line of communication, which was about the only thing that had gone right since Santa Clause had come back to town. It slipped all their minds that this new Santa, given nearly all the same abilities, would be able to tell that a child of Earth was doing something naughty…like for instance breaking into his workshop to stop production on his sinister plan. The hive mind was also great for getting everyone caught up almost instantly as they traded information as the speed of a brain's ability to remember it. He had met and conversed with nearly all of them in just a few minutes, learning about them as they learned about him and filled him in on what was going on. Molly had partaken in lots of things in his short life in his body, but never something as intimate and wondrous as the Christmas Elves' communal linked mind ceremony.

These Furby toys could not see the light of day for the children of Arcadia, and even if it left him broken and dead again on the floor of this dazzling lit and beautifully crafted workshop, he would stop this. Addison and he had both been blown away, and she shared in an instant her own vague recollection of these popular children’s toys for more of her parents' youth than her own, although they were still available. The Elves had filled in the gaps of understanding that the Coca-Cola holiday edition can they had used was from the year 1999, and this new and terrible fat white-bearded bastard had instantly demanded they start building them for the holiday surge that never came. He grew mad that nobody put them on lists, or had lists, the idea he was not supporting the throw-away economy of a holiday season too much for his mind to bear. That’s when he decided to alter the tiny fur coated robots with subliminal messages, and deliver them across the city…no one would suspect this adorable little creature brainwashing the masses with its limited and mostly intelligible speech.

The Elves worked so hard, and they were dying, slowly dying. None of them would make children be born into this, and every elf who died on the factory floor was tossed in the trash, their ancient soul having no new Christmas Elf child body to be reincarnated into, as was their way. It was the saddest thing Molly had ever experienced, as he felt their hearts through the bond. This would not stand . All the rage and anger at his inability to stop the lich from running away at the Abbey beneath the tunnels, the lackluster results from searching so hard to find a way to bring himself back to his wife, and the plight of these new friends he had made his blood boil and he had felt Addison’s anger too. Santa would die today, and there would be no Christmas morning for the children of Arcadia, thankfully.

The peacock tattoo on his neck was fitting for the showman and hunter as he put two feet to the chest of the now dying nutcracker, it’s face half charred and burned away, and Molly kicked off in a backflip, as he heard in the hive mind, lots of adoring praise at the feat as the lavender devil soared over the throngs of Christmas Elves trying to overwhelm Frosty and snatch away his hat. The broomstick was like a tree trunk the way it would smack five to almost ten away at a time, never faltering, never stopping its mighty swings. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that Addison was the top, guitar still over he back, as she was swinging for the right momentum to get onto the catwalk.

“Attagirl, love”, Molly said as he swung both his blades down, the improbable speed of the snowman shocking to the Tiefling. Steel met hardwood, as Molly roared his anger and fury, both his swords exuding their full power as the snowman snarled back, showing sharp pointed teeth as black as coal, a corn cob pipe hanging from between them.

“I’ll rip your fucking head off you little cretin!” Frosty growled at him, but Molly just grinned an awful grin in reply. The two swords were off setting each other and doing little to melt the snow by proximity, but the hunter kept his blades locked with the snow golem. Neither giving in an inch, despite the heaviness of the broomstick pressing down on the Tiefling showman with the force of a giant behind it.

“Speaking…of…heads….ya…should be…watching…YERS!” Molly shouted as Steve of all the Elves had made it to the top of the newest wave, leading a group of his battered and bloody brethren, Jangle right behind him. The two Christmas Elves looked at each other and leaped on Frosty’s neck, then shoved the hat which seemed to weigh a lot, off the Snowman’s head. The henchman tried to break away and swat them off, but the moment he disengaged Molly was ready and sliced both his snowy hands off at the wrist, his blade powered with the inferno sending steam up like blood, and he howled till the hat was finally shoved off, and as it hit the ground with a thud, Frosty melted into a pile of ice-cold water.

The cheering that came from inside the Lavender Devil’s head, and around the workshop filling his pointed ears was short-lived as the whole place shook. All the elves and Molly looked to see the giant Santa standing at his enormous height, a belly like a boulder and shoulders like mountains.

“I own your labor, ho ho ho, so that means, you little ungrateful vermin, I own your souls! It seems I have been too easy on your lot, but I think an annual review is due for each and every one of you…you should be licking my boots for even giving you a job, you worthless little-” Santa was cut off in his verbal tirade by an empty wine bottle smacking his blushed nose. Molly snickered and called out to the not very jolly, red giant.

“So, yer gonna do what then? You never owned em’, ya just abused em’, cause all yer good at is being a bully. Hey, fat man, why not take on someone yer own size fer once…I’ll take yer hands like I took this pile of cold piss at my feet,” Molly said with a grin, pointing his fire sword at the former melted henchman as he kicked the hat far away.

“Merry Christmas indeed, and it’s going to be a goodnight to all of you when I am done using your innards as garland, you welp!” Santa roared and Molly let himself look up, pretending to be disinterested, but clocked Addison, her red hair flowing as she ran along the catwalk to deposit the necessary ingredients to the hiding Jingle on that level. Many elves had also taken the Tiefling protectors' distraction to open the doors and race upstairs. “You see, Devil…they flee, because you are even stupider than those tiny brained useless excuses for workers,” and he gave a full belly laugh that boomed off the walls.

Molly shrugged. Then he got into a stance, slowly moving towards Santa. The giant in the red hat watched him approach, eyes narrowed like slits, before he stomped a big black boot and then the other, each footfall the showman could feel in his legs even across the workshop, and he pretended to let it unnerve him. Santa smiled a smile most unpleasant and charged to meet him.

It was a very one-sided battle. More than a few times Molly had to be reassured that the ritual was almost done, and the uncontrollable beast based on the Grinch was slowly changing into the one they knew, a perfect clone of the former repentant friend of Christmas, through their magical ritual. The Tiefling flew through the air, yet again, and landed hard, yet again. He got back up and ignored the pain he felt over his whole body. Where had this man learned to throw a punch like that? The hunter had gotten a few cuts in, but if he drew blood, the red suit of his enemy hid it.

“Right, ok, ya can fight, I’ll give ya that…but-” Molly was interrupted by the charging Santa and had to dive out of the way as he slammed into the wall behind him, cracking the perfect wooden beams with his massive shoulder. Santa brushed himself off and picked a splinter out of his white beard.

“Well, well, look who is done talking for once. I hit you, you still talk…maybe I should just rip that fucking jaw off your pretty face,” Santa sneered, and far too quick for man of his size snatched Molly be the scruff of his now tattered sleeveless cardigan.

Molly yelped as he was yoked up and only had time to yell “Not the face!” as a massive, gloved paw wrapped around it. The hunter on instinct sent both swords up to pierce the forearm of the fat man, but this only weakened the grip slightly, still enough for Molly to be able to start squirming, making it hard for his skull to be crushed.

“Well now, THAT isn’t very Santa-like at all, and I should know, I pretended to be the guy,” Came a voice full of over-acting, Molly could tell this stranger really liked a crowd, but was more focused on the slow squeezing stopping for the moment, and the pressure halting.

“Wha–but...your the...the…the…” Santa said, sounded worried for once.

“THE GRINCH” Came the reply, and Molly was completely released, as he gasped for a breath and scrambled to his feet.

A green fuzzy man with a jacket imitating Santa stood in front of the big fat man, one of the massive, gloved fists caught in the Grinch's hand. The green man with no pants, just yawned as he squeezed the caught fist and Santa yowled in pain. Molly could hear the hand bones being crushed…having faced the big bellied and white bearded giant, Molly could not fathom how strong this Grinch must be, and he took a step back, waving back as his fuzzy savior waved to him with its free hand.

“Well, I guess we know who’s better. HAHA you lose!” The Grinch teased obnoxiously, and his mocking laugh sounded like a honk. Then he simply and unceremoniously placed both hands to the sides of Santa’s red hat, and twisted, as the long white beard now fell over the massive back, instead of a massive stomach.

It was over. Time seemed to speed up as all the Christmas elves came down and cheered for their green and fuzzy hero and the Grinch for his part, ate it up. Addison joined Molly watching it all.

“I had to use the movie too, the book wasn’t enough. I forgot how much I loved Jim Carrey in this…” Addison said, laughing at the spectacle.

After a few minutes, Elfton John got up to the center of the catwalk overlooking the whole place with a full band behind him. His red hair spilling out from under his rhinestone pointed hat, big rose-tinted glasses over his eyes and he smiled his gap-toothed smile at everyone before he started singing and the dancing started.

So kiss me under the mistletoe…pour out the wine, let’s toast and pray for December snow….I know there's been pain this year but it’s time to let it go…next year, you never know…but for now, Merry Christmas…

The two humans went to a corner as the music played and the whole place went wild. The song went on and on, and Molly and Addison shared what was left of her wine as they looked on and laughed and enjoyed the tune at the victory Christmas Alley party.

“Ya know, if I had one wish after all this, ya know what I would wish fer?” Molly asked, passing the bottle back.

“To get back to your wife?” The bard answered.

“I forgot ya all were in my head and saw that…no, actually. Despite it all, Good Bard, I’d wish ya all were back home…seems fittin’ fer what I learned of yer holiday, what it's all about. Being together. Remembering the lost. Comforting each other. It's like fer ya and the Elves any of these Christmases could be the last Christmas...ya all deserve yer families, they don’t belong here, they belong back with their saint…and ya, Addison…ya belong back home with yer little siblings watching that green man on yer television… cause the dark is here, and the cold is comin’,” Molly said, and shut his eyes to the brightest light he had ever seen emanate from the star on top of the workshop’s tree. He had never seen anything like it and had to look away. At the same moment a bell chimed three times as warmth filled his heart with dozens and dozens of tiny voiced ‘thank you’, and one that sounded like Addison.

When he opened his eyes, he was alone in an alley, the same alley he had seen earlier through the iron-wrought fence, but the fence was gone, and a drunk college age kid, probably from Arcadia University, stopped at the edge of it to take a pee. Molly walked past him and clasped him on the shoulder. “it's an absolute fuckin' miracle. They had it right all along,” he said laughing to the drunken kid, who was still peeing.

“Uhh, sure…” The young man slurred, as Molly came out to the street, the song Elfton John was singing still somewhere in his head but very far away.

“Merry Christmas, everyone!” He called out, and headed towards home to see if Jester was back yet.