ERDE NONA - DR. MCNINJA’S OFFICE
ONE WEEK BEFORE THE FALL OF THE CITY OF HOPE
“Open wide,” Doc said.
Sitting on the medical bed was an overweight man named Trevor Phillips. Not that Doc was judging him! However, it was worth noting. The patient was here to ask about his self-diagnosis of diabetes which, looking at the blood sample that his new secretary/nurse drew, simply wasn’t the case. Mr. Phillips had stated that his teeth were aching, which “is a well-known symptom of Type II diabetes” (untrue). But pain is pain, and Doc had to see what the true cause of the aching was.
Nobody particularly interesting had come in since the adventure with the Pellbrooks a week and a half ago. Peter was adjusting quite well to the secretary work, and was an adept nurse. It sure helped that he was able to magically heal cuts and bruises. Doc would be worried that Peter was more useful than him if not for the fact that Peter couldn’t heal diseases, only wounds.
Of course, the fact that he was a vampire tended to turn people away, but they were visiting a clinic run by man named Dr.
McNinja. Most knew this was going to be weird.
But some were absolute morons. Mr. Phillips opened his absolutely rancid maw, revealing teeth that clearly were not getting washed. His gums were swollen even before Doc had prodded them, and frankly, Doc didn’t even need X-rays to see what the problem was here.
“How often do you brush your teeth, Mr. Phillips?” Doc asked.
“Erry day,” Mr. Phillips lied.
“Do you floss?”
“Yeh.”
“Mm,” Doc said, leaning back. Somehow that horrid stench was going
through his mask. “Well, as far as I can tell, while you are at
risk for diabetes, the crux of the problem here is your cavities. I can start treating-“
“Cavities?” Mr. Phillips protested, “You don’t understand. The problem isn’t in my teeth. I have diabetes.”
Dr. McNinja squinted. “Sir, I’m a trained medical professional. I can tell the difference between diabetes and, erm,
improvable dental hygiene.”
There was a knock on the door. Doc turned to see Peter opening the door, but refusing to enter. He was holding Doc’s cell phone, but seemed reluctant to actually hand it to Doc.
“Call for you,” Peter said, “Seems urgent.”
Doc rolled his eyes. “Dude, you live here. You don’t need my permission to enter every room.”
“Right,” Peter said, stepping inside and handing the cell to Doc, “Sorry.”
Dr. McNinja put the phone to his ear. “Dr. McNinja speaking. May I ask about the nature of your emergency?”
“Dr. McNinja,” a deep voice replied, “Vampires are going to sink the City of Hope!”
Doc raised an eyebrow. “Who is this, and what?”
“The Opealon government refuses to take action, but I won’t stand by,” the man said, “There are vampires prowling around the City of Hope. They’re going to sink it into the ocean.”
Doc squinted. “…okay?”
“I heard about what you did with that vampire wizard two weeks ago,” the mysterious caller continued, “And I know you can save the city.”
“This seems like an issue for the authorities.”
“They won’t listen,” the man said, “They think I’m CRAZY. But I’m
not crazy. Vampires are going to sink our city into the sea and turn us into zombies! I saw a vampire almost twenty feet tall in a vision-”
Doc promptly hung up the call, and blocked the number. He tossed the cell back to Peter. “Remind me to teach you how to screen some of these crazy people.”
“He was crazy?” Peter said.
“Talking about vampires sinking flying cities,” Doc sighed, “Anyway, Mr. Phillips, I’m afraid there’s nothing more I can do. I’m going to refer you to some good dentists in the city.”
Peter frowned. “I thought you did dentist work-“
“That means we’re all done here!’ Doc interrupted, “You’re free to leave.”
“But I have diabeeeetes,” Mr. Phillips whined.
“Cavities,” Doc corrected as he pushed him out of the clinic. Mr. Phillips dejectedly walked away. Doc turned to Peter. “That was the last appointment for the morning, right? What do you want to do for lunch?”
Peter gave him an unamused glare as he sipped from the straw poking out of his blood bag. Doc chuckled and stretched. God, he’d kill for something exciting to happen.
***
I need to watch what I wish for, Doc thought to himself as he watched the news on a small TV. He and Peter were in the kitchen. It was a slow day, which Doc figured meant he could relax. Clearly not.
“We’re about ten miles from the city,” the reporter in the helicopter shouted over the rotor, “It’s… hard to believe what we’re seeing here.”
The camera was shaky and hard to decipher, but that was understandable; the cameraperson was in a helicopter in a war zone. The opulent floating island was careening to the side as colossal tentacles writhed around it, each sucker in the tentacle the size of a truck. The whole island was being dragged into the ocean.
Peter looked at Doc, frightened. “What the hell is that?”
“Not vampires,” Doc shrugged, eyes still stuck to the horror on the screen. “But I guess our mystery caller had a point.”
Peter frowned and took another sip from his blood bag. Dr. McNinja rubbed his eyes.
“Well, nothing I can do about it, now,” Doc sighed, “Let’s clean up and meet some more-“
“Can’t you help them?” Peter mumbled.
Doc looked at him, eyes wide. He pointed at the tentacle monstrosity. “Against THAT?! Hell no.”
The reporter was speaking again. “We are now getting word from the authorities. They’ve sent out a distress call for any fighters to help in the rescue effort. The Unmaking is a threat to the entire Crossroads and anyone’s assistance would help save lives.”
Doc glared at the news. Peter shrugged. “I mean, you’re really good at fighting. Even if you can’t stop it by yourself, maybe you could-“
“I’m not fighting an evil god, Peter,” Doc snapped, “I am a
doctor. That little jaunt with your family was an exception.”
“Maybe they need doctors!” Peter argued, “People are gonna be hurt! Maybe like a Doctors Without Borders thing!”
“Please, I’m sure they’re fine,” Doc lied.
“We are now getting word from sources saying that medical transports will be flying from various worlds to help the cause,” the reporter continued, “They are calling for any doctors that could go to the City of Hope to help with evacuation and medical support.”
Peter gestured at the TV. Doc rolled his eyes.
“Whatever, they’re just saying that. What could I do to help-“
“Authorities are saying that literally ANYONE with medical knowledge can help,” the reporter continued, “Especially if the medical professional in question has combat training!”
Doc glared at the screen. “Whatever. The Erde Nona one probably already took off-“
“We are receiving word that Erde Nona has just begun to mobilize its medical transports-“
“Well,” Doc snapped at the reporter, “They’re probably full now!”
“-but there is a shortage of volunteers from Erde Nona, especially those with combat experience!”
“Alright, that’s enough of that,” Doc muttered, flicking the remote. The TV shut off, prompting Peter to glare at him.
Peter leaned forward. “I thought you cared about people.”
“I do!” Doc snapped, “But I’m out of my league here. That’s an insane thing happening there! I can’t handle that. How could I possibly help?”
Peter walked up to the TV and manually turned the TV on again. The reporter had a desperate expression on her face as she continued to speak.
“They are calling for ANY DOCTORS. They have ONE SPOT OPEN and they say they are REFUSING TO LEAVE UNLESS THAT SPOT IS FILLED-“
“Alright, fine!” Doc shouted, thoroughly frustrated, prompting Peter to smile, “Hold down the fort and cancel all my appointments this week. I guess I’ll go fight an evil god.”
***
The medicarrier groaned as it tried to navigate the turbulence in the sky. The attack was apparently cosmic enough that even the sky was rumbling like an earthquake. Doc gripped his temples, incredibly stressed.
Next to him sat a dinosaur.
Well, maybe that’s an offensive thing to say. Fact was, he was a mostly humanoid person. In fact, if you couldn’t see his face, Doc would say there was little to differentiate him from a man with a large build. However, his skin was definitely unusual. He had the head of a triceratops, with the eyes placed on the front like a human’s would be. Truth be told, Doc was reminded heavily of one of the Triceratops people from the Radical Lands. Ugh. Bad memories.
“Hey, do you see that little girl?” the reptilian doctor next to McNinja whispered, leaning over.
Doc looked at the girl in question. There was a small child in one of the seats, no older than 12. Doc frowned.
“What’s she doing on the transport?” the doctor said.
Doc shrugged. “I dunno, man. You’re a dinosaur, I’m a ninja, she’s a little girl. We’re all weird here.”
The doctor looked back at him, his eyes full of hurt. Doc sighed.
“Sorry,” McNinja said, “I’ve been feeling cranky. What’s your name?”
The triceratops doctor cleared his throat. “I’m Dr. Hans Leon. And you?”
“I’m Dr. McNin-“
Doc was interrupted by the screech of claws scraping against metal. The noise traveled from the aft of the hovercraft to the fore. It was followed by another screech, this time more guttural. Doc scowled as the hovercraft lurched hard to the right. Something just exploded.
“What the hell was that?” Dr. Leon said.
“WE’RE GOING DOWN!” the pilot shouted.
Doc snapped back to attention, peeking out the window. While he was socializing with Dr. Leon, dozens of insect demons had surrounded them. They had taken notice of the medicarrier, and were taking great efforts to tear it apart. Doc took off the seat belt and made his way to the front of the hovercraft.
“Are there weapons on this thing?” Doc shouted.
“It’s a medicarrier!” the pilot hollered back, trying to keep the ship in the air, “It has sirens!”
The next thing Doc remembered was the ship cracking in half. The insect demons were ripping it apart in mid-air. Doc couldn’t help but mentally compare it to an egg cracking, if the egg was filled with tiny little flailing ants. In the shock of it all, Doc couldn’t even hear the passengers scream.
As the front half started tumbling loosely in the air, Doc felt his body lift off the ground. How foolish it was to take off the seat belt right when the aircraft was starting to go down.
Dr. McNinja grunted and flung his grappling hook at Dr. Leon’s seat, making it catch onto the harness that was keeping the doctor in place. Dr. Leon, on his part, stopped screaming and started pulling the cable as Doc climbed it.
“Thanks!” Doc shouted over the falling air, then clambered over to the parachutes. There were only three other doctors here besides himself, including the pilot.
And four parachutes. Figures.
The other two doctors snatched their parachutes from Doc’s hands. Doc wasn’t even know how helpful those were gonna be at this height, but whatever, let them handle it. Doc handed one to Dr. Leon and the last to the pilot.
“What about you?” the pilot shouted.
“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine!”
“What are you-“
Doc leaned in, uncomfortably close to the pilot’s face.
“I’m a ninja.”
Doc gave him no time to respond, throwing the pilot off the craft. Dr. Leon jumped after him.
Now, McNinja truly didn’t have a plan beyond jumping and hopefully landing on something soft. Not much luck so far. The remains of the hovercraft were already careening well into the city bounds. From what McNinja could see, he was gonna crash in the middle of a plaza of some sort.
Time to look for something soft.
Dr. McNinja rolled his neck and swan dove off of the falling wreckage. By his rough measurement, he was still about a 1000 feet in the air, and not a hay bale in sight. Perhaps he could latch onto one of the nearby buildings, at the risk of dislodging his entire arm from his body-
“AHHH!”
Doc turned in the air, recognizing Dr. Leon’s voice. The triceratops had been caught out of the air by some sort of horrible bug demon. It was doing its best to tear apart the triceratops doctor, and doing a surprisingly good job at it. Dr. Leon screamed as his chest was gashed open by the demon’s claws, and it looked like his arm was about to be torn out.
Actually, there’s something soft.
Doc reached into his coat and threw two frozen shamrocks at the demon. It shrieked as it felt the surprisingly sharp projectiles dig into its face. Got its attention, but didn’t seem to bother the demon. The demon relinquished its current victim to scream at McNinja, who drew his sword.
Ground was getting closer…
The demon, whose clawed feet were still painfully latched onto Dr. Leon’s torso, aimed what looked like a rifle at Dr. McNinja. The muzzle started whirring as red lightning started crackling out of it.
“You have a
gun?”
“SSSKKRRRAWWWW”
“Hope you don’t plan on using it-“
Doc spun in the air, narrowly dodging the demon’s many lasers. Short beams of malevolent energy soared past the tumbling ninja as he whipped his grappling hook at the demon. The cable wrapped around the bug’s neck, and it yelped as it felt itself suddenly lurch downwards, letting go of Dr. Leon. Doc pulled hard, pulling the bug to him and clambering on top of its back.
“Ewwwww bug wings,” Doc groaned as he loosened the grappling hook.
The demon, unamused by this development, whirled around with its claws slashing. Doc managed to dodge one of the swipes, but the second one caught him by the shin. Dr. McNinja grunted in pain, tumbling in the air.
“Rude,” Doc snarled.
Doc spun around again, wasting precious time to get the demon back for this wound. He shoved his sword through the demon’s left wing. Doc couldn’t help but notice that the blood was purple and… boiling?
“Ewwwwwwww bug
blood.”
Doc kicked off of the insect before it could retaliate, flipping backwards. The physician threw his grappling hook again, this time at Dr. Leon. No more time. He yanked hard, pulling himself up and closer to Dr. Leon while the bug tumbled downwards, its wing mangled and unable to keep it airborne.
Dr. McNinja latched onto Dr. Leon’s body and patted the backpack on his shoulders. Good, the parachute was still intact.
“I thought you were fine?!” Dr. Leon screamed.
“I was lying!” Doc admitted, pulling hard on the pack.
The parachute unfurled, jerking hard on the two doctors. They grunted at the sensation while the parachute caught the air, slowly reducing their movement. In fact, it was too slow. They were still falling to the ground, and approaching what looked like a warehouse, a little too fast for Doc to feel comfortable.
“SCREEECH”
Dr. McNinja turned around. How the hell did the demon thing get
above Doc? And how was it still flying and OH WOW IT’S VERY FAST.
“Hang on!” the ninja hollered.
“To what?!” Dr. Leon screamed back.
Valid point. Regardless, Doc threw his grappling hook again at the approaching demon. The demon in question shrieked as it felt the cable wrap around its throat. Doc gripped tightly onto the cable with his hands, and wrapped his legs around Dr. Leon’s chest. Meanwhile, the demon tried to compensate for the weight of two more people by flitting its wings twice and hard.
At a much safer speed and height, Doc dropped Dr. Leon onto the cobblestone street below. The triceratops doctor yelped as he landed. Meanwhile, Doc flung himself up to the fly demon thing with a hard tug on his grapple. The demon landed hard on the street, sending chunks of stone flying. Doc, in response, landed on the demon itself, his sword cutting straight through the creature’s head.
Dr. McNinja looked up at Dr. Leon to see if he was okay. But Hans Leon wasn’t the only reptilian person here. Doc squinted at the four warriors in the distance, who were currently backing away from some sort of purple smoke. Were those guys… turtles?
“Ey!” Doc said. Without turning, he stabbed backwards and gutted the other demon that was chasing him. “Are you guys turtles?”